My baby only has a week or two

I don't know how to start this post. Cole has made his way to Rainbow Bridge on Sat. June 17th at 3:30pm.[] It was the hardest decision I have ever made. I noticed Friday he wasn't himself and then Sat. morning I just looked at him when I got up and knew something wasn't right. I asked Chris to check on him because he wouldn't get up when I called him. Chris went in there and talked to him and he got up. When he did i immediately started crying becuase he was having trouble getting up and walking just like he did when he first got sick. I looked at Chris and cried saying I couldn't deal with this today. He just told me not to worry about it. But as the morning went on you could see he was getting worse and the pain and tiredness in is eyes. He was no longer the Cole that we normally is. When we got back from breakfast I noticed he was misereable and worse than earlier. I had called the vet on the way home from breakfast and told her we were going to wait till Sunday to put him to sleep. But when i got home I told Chris that it wouldn't be fair to him to put him through 12-24hrs of this. So I took a cat nap and he woke me up and told me to call hte vet. So I did and we just had to wait for the vet to come to the house. Chris laid on the floor with Cole and then got is bed and brought it in the front room. Chris picked him up and put him on his bed. Cole just laid there with Chris. I laid next to him and cried and kissed him. When the vet arrived it was real it was going to happen. Of course when she got there he got up and wagged his tail and gave kisses. He then grabbed his bone for a minute. He soon just laid down. While the vet got the stuff ready I laid infront of him and cried and kissed him and told him that I loved him. They then came and sat on the floor and held him to put the needle in. The vet and the vet tech were all crying because they loved him as much as we did.  His eyes bugged out and I lost it. Of course my crying didnt' help him any. Once I saw him start to drop I had to turn my back because I couldn't watch. I kept saying no not by baby. Chris held me and we just cried. I touched him and the other dogs were around. Cosmo seemed to take it the hardest. He just sat next to me with the saddest face I have ever seen. I just kissed Cosmo and told him it was going to be ok. After a few minutes she took him away. We both lost it. I have never seen Chris cry and I knew he would. When they brought him out to the car I gave him kisses. I was so hard. he is gone and I can't bring him back. It hurts so bad. i am balling as I write this. I still think he is going to walk into the room but he's not. I go into the other rooms and expect to see him but he is not there. His blanket is on his bed but I can't tuck him in anymore. When we fed the dogs yesterday I picked up Cole's bowl and looked at Chris. I said what do I do with his bowl? Then this morning I through away all of his meds. I still can't believe he is not here. My baby is gone. Is it suppose to hurt like this? I feel like I have lost a son. When I went to bed last night I closed my eyes and all I could see was his face when they gave him the shot and when they brought him out. I cried and cried and cried.
    I immediately put Cole's picture on the coffee table so that I could still see him. We are getting him creamated so I think once we get his ashes back it will be better. But i miss him so much. I can't bare the thought of going through this 6 more times with my other animals. If I knew how hard this was going to be I may not have gotten another dog. I love my animals like my kids and to think that I will have to make this decision again breaks my heart. I feel like I killed him and let him down. I just want him back. i don't want him to be mad at me.
     We went to dinner tonight and saw the vet tech who gave Cole is kemo every week. She asked how things were and I had to tell her he was gone. She started crying. They loved his so much and I am so proud of him because he touched so many lives and loved everybody. He is/was a great dog and I will miss him so. I know he is no longer hurting and he is probably kissing and playing with all the other furkids and my dad up in heaven.
Thank you all for your love, thoughts and prayers. I would have posted yesterday but our internet was out. i hope to keep intouch with ya'll and I will keep you posted about Sadie.  I know Cole would have loved each and everyone of you and your furchildren and I know if you would have met him you would have loved him to.
Thanks again
Love Angele and Chris
 
IN LOVING MEMORY OF COLE WALKER JULY 2002 TO JUNE 17, 2006

I am so very sorry; I'm sending you lots of <<>>.   You did the right thing; it would have been worse for Cole and you if you had let him suffer; it was time and he was ready to go. The pain will ease with time and you will see him again at the bridge; RUN FREE SWEET COLE;  [sm=angel.gif]

Im so sorry!!!!  You post made me cry the entire way through, I am so sorry for your loss.
 
The week after Kayla died I just kept replaying those last few moments over and over again, her little gasp, us awakening... realizing what was going on... the utter panic - the shock - the disbelief - the confusion - the rush to the evet with DH in the back giving her mouth to mouth even though we knew... kissing her for the last time... I just replayed it.  It took a good week before that went away. 
 
Its hard to get past the realization and I guess our brains do that to use to force us to actualy accept what has happened, I dont know... but I think its normal for those last moments to stick with you right now. 
 
It hurts like all he**, like nothing Ive ever felt... you are perfectly normal... and you have us here who totally understand what your going through. 
 
You gave him a loving family for the time you had with him and you gave him a great gift by letting him go to the Bridge and ending his pain.  He is running free, young and healthy with many of our babies who are there with him. 
 
Hugs to you and your DH, Im so sorry.
 
 

I am so sorry for your loss {{hugs}}
 
...play hard at the bridge Cole [sm=angel.gif]

My heart breaks for you...
Cole was a beautiful dog...
You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers tonite....
Keep strong and remember that you will meet again one day...
 
Maria

I'm truely sorry.  And nothing I can say will help.  Just know that you are in our thoughts.
 
Our lives would be much easier if our beloved fur babies would simply pass in their sleep, but sadly often WE have to make the decision to free them from their suffering.  And that's tough.  You must know tho that you gave him the greatest gift there is.  You loved him enough to let him go easily to the Bridge.  I'm thinking the thing with his eyes was just him SEEING the glory of the Bridge...a WOW, I get to GO there, kind of thing.
 
Time does heal our pain.  Or dull it a bit at least.  What you are feeling is so normal and sadly so familar to so many of us.  Let yourself grieve in anyway that feels right to you.  And know that we are here, thinking of you and trying to hold you up when you can't do it for yourself.  ALWAYS remember, that you loved Cole enough to FREE him from his pain...and that's a pretty awesome love.
 
Run free sweet boy.

I'm so deeply sorry and crying as I type this. He was such a lovely boy and I know how tremendously hard this was.  The ache is deep and shocking, I know.  I hope you will find some ease with the return of his ashes as we did when we lost our kids.  And that you will take comfort in the knowledge that you did all you could for him and your decision to let him go lovingly was hard for you, but gentle for him. 
 
I'm glad you were able to do this at home because I think it is easier on them and better for your remaining fur kids.  They may mourn, but at least they understand he has passed on.
 
Again, wishing you comfort and peace for beautiful Cole.
 

I am bawling too,,,I'm so sorry. I have read every post on this thread from the beginning,,,I wanted Cole to live longer and be healthier,,,,but we all knew better. Your post reminds us all of what we might have to go thru ourselves,,many of us did already. And your right, it hurts so bad that you think it best not to have other dogs. I know, after putting my Dane/Shepherd down, I was not going to have anymore myself, its too hard. Now I have Bubblegum. Your pain will ease with time..it always does.  Please remember you gave Cole all the love he could possibly want, and you proved it by letting him out of his sickness. He is happy now, you and Chris must always keep that in mind. Hang in there.

I am so sorry to hear of your sweet boy's passing.  i also know from experience that there is nothing that can really comfort you right at this moment, but you are surrounded by people here who truly understand and care.  Cole was so lucky to have you, and you were also blessed by him.

Oh I'm sorry.  Cole touched so many lives.  It just seems so unfair.

I'm so sorry to hear about Cole.  I know what it's like to try to prepare yourself for that final good-bye.  Never ever is it an easy thing to do but truly the kindest thing we can do when they're suffering and there is no hope.  I hope each day brings you some peace.  My thoughts are with you.

I am sorry to hear of Cole leaving us so soon. You had a wonderful four weeks with him.
 
My heart goes out to you and DH for your grief over the loss of one of your fur children. Know Cole is at peace, and whole again awaiting for his human pack to join him one day.
 
Hugs to you both.
 

I know it is hard to believe now, but the time will come when you will think of Cole with a smile instead of tears.  Being 61 and having had dogs all my life, I have lost many, many good friends.  Oh, I still cry over them sometimes when I think of their actual passing, but usually I am remembering the good things and smiling.
 
I am so sorry for you loss.  It hurts so much and I totaly understand you wondering about why you would have another dog.  I have wondered that each time, but life without dogs is not a life at all.   No dog can be REPLACED, you just add another to the "pack" in your heart.

Amen Sandra, I agree.
 
So sad to hear of Cole's passing and know how hard things are for you right now.
 
You gave him a wonderful life and allowed him a wonderful death (sounds strange but true). 
 
May peace and comfort come to your house soon.
 
Run free and have fun at the Bridge Cole - you are a gorgeous boy!

I feel your pain about the idea of going through this eventually with the rest of your dogs. I only have two dogs but they are both almost 14 and I know in my heart I will lose them sometime in the next several years. But all the love they have brought into my life makes it worth it. I don't know how I'm going to do it either, but I think Sandra said it very well: that a life without dogs is not a life at all.
 
My heart is breaking for you. I wish there were something I could say or do to make it easier. Please know that there is a lot of positive energy and love flowing your way from these boards, and I hope that healing energy will ease the pain in your heart a little bit.
 
Blessings to you and Cole. His spirit is surely running happy and free up there at the Rainbow Bridge.
 
You are not alone in this!