Charles Book
Posted : 7/23/2006 6:31:48 AM
I woke up at 4am, relieved that I had not missed a call somehow from the clinic. Made some coffee, put some clothes in the dryer, and searched for one of Barney's bandanas. The drive to the clinic was effortless, like one sometimes experiences when on a lengthy cell phone conversation. "How did I get here?” you wonder. Barney was in one of the kennel cages sleeping. He received 400cc of fluid in the 8 or so hours he was there. I was asked if I wanted to visit him; I accepted and went to where he was. I wanted to walk him a bit, get a feel for his comfort level and allow him to empty. He peed on the clinic floor before he made it outside. In his old age B. became less concerned about where he went - most of his sleeps being fairly deep. We walked around a bit, and made our way back inside. His breathing was slightly labored after the short walk, but he was still comfortable and feeling much better than the night before. The good doctor and I discussed what he would need to continue with life. Barney lay down and situated himself for a nap on the cold, hard clinic floor. He settled himself a couple more times before finding the right position. This behavior is what would happen if I brought him home except he would have his bed to sleep in, and be even more resistant to getting up and drinking water, something so critical to his sustenance.
I knew today would an instant replay of yesterday if I brought him home: dehydration setting in, lethargy, difficulty breathing, and spontaneous urination. I felt it an awful way to exist, in a cage taking fluids IV just to remain comfortable, using all his energy to climb a mountain he would unlikely reach the peak of, and if he did, it would only be a short time before the fluid around his heart that would make it such a chore to get up and go outside would reappear. His heart would fail to move enough blood through the liver and kidneys, leading to greater toxicity, meaning nausea, eliminating the desire to drink water. A vicious circle.
I told the vet that I see no reason to continue this cycle and we should take advantage of his current condition and comfort. The doctor brought out a form for me to sign, prepped the injection, and asked if I wished to be present. Barney was startled when the Vet picked him up and carried him to an exam table. I got him to lie down and stroked him back to a drowsy state; he was never a morning dog. Barney already had the IV tap, so there wasn't even a needle prick. I stroked his head and body and kissed him once for me and once for my former wife as requested while the vet checked his heartbeat. The fluid went into the catheter and he faded into my arms. He was unconscious in 5 seconds and gone in 20 seconds or so. It was such a strange experience to hold him then as he had never been unconscious in my presence. I wept into his bandana, but a feeling of relief followed, knowing he was no longer tethered to me, an IV, or any other earthly bounds.
I have his collar hanging on my rearview mirror and I will donate his meds and remaining food to the local humane society. He will be buried in the society's cemetery, the proceeds from burial going to the support the shelter and their noble cause.
Goodbye sweet friend and thank you for sixteen years of wonderful memories.