calliecritturs
Posted : 11/21/2009 12:15:31 PM
akyramoto82
Some part of me thinks maybe I didn't 'need' her anymore, like I had grown strong enough that it was ok for her to go.
Don't turn that thought into blame -- sometimes it's really more that we are able **because of what they taught us** to rise to the challenge of grieving, than that we dont' 'need' them.
People will tell you now that "time helps" ... and that sounds hollow. Today (and probably for a lot of todays to come in the next couple of weeks) you just feel pain ... and empty ... empty yet full of hurt. Then you look for her and you even feel guilty because you didn't remember she was *gone*. Nope -- don't feel guilt. You are only guilty of loving her very very deeply and that's never EVER a crime (if it is I want to be guilty of that one forever and ever!!)
but you will be able to process it. You don't "get over it" (and some people will say that - and it's just a STUPID thing to say)
My heart dog -- like you and Akyra -- and I went thru some incredibly difficult stuff. . I had other dogs when I lost her ... but broken dreams and hurts that she helped me survive. And when I lost Prissy it was like all those broken dreams and hurts all broke open again. I had other dogs and loved them, but emotionally I hurt so badly. It took me years ... and finally I began to put it in place.
But you know what? I was Prissy -- years after she crossed the Bridge -- who actually helped me. But remembering back to how I would see her do things. I began to see little "lesson" in my memories of her.
So take it as it comes. You are RAW right now. And that's honestly **right**. Because she was IMPORTANT. So it's absolutely right to grieve deeply for somebuddy you loved THAT much. She was worthy of your love and she's worthy of your grief. In a very real way it's a healthy way for us to pay homage to how much we love them. Notice I didn't say "loved" -- I said LOVE. Because you do STILL love her. That's reality. Just because she nows waits over the Bridge doesn't mean you stopped feeling.
Remember to breathe ... and take your time. and as Meg says we'll be here for you.
You have my deepest, most heartfelt sympathies. *hugs* I'm also here (like the other are) if you need to chat and cope.