My beloved bulldog Holly is gone

Just checking back on this thread,,,and also wanted to say don't feel guilty for keeping this thread going Hollysmom...we are all here for you. All of us understand and want to help.  Just keep talking to her and smiling and kissing her photos,,,pretend all you want that she is still there,,,each day you will accept a little more. It just takes so long.
Hang in there!

,,,by the way...what happened with Zeus?  Do you think maybe he could stay with you if he has no forever home?

Thanks everyone.
 
Tomorrow is the big day, Zeus comes to live with us.  He is a 7 year old E.bulldog who has been in 6 homes in 6 years and has been in foster for 1 year.  He was in military families who, as they shipped out, passed him on and on.  The only reason he wasn't PTS is that he is an EB and the Marines love them (the mascot and all). 
 
We met Zeus in Feb and Holly liked him well enoungh.  You all may remember my posts on searching for a dog for MIL in Januray.   The story is, that Holly never liked my cats, I had 4 older cats when she came home.  I never understood because, she grew up with cats at the breeder.  Holly was a "people" dog always and just tolerated dogs,    MIL moved into our apartment downstairs and and the cats were OK living her space, Holly was very jealous of them.  They died off in their 20's.  MIL doted on the last cat, Onyx, and for the last 2 years, he was really in hospice,  we worked so hard to keep him comfortable, chanigng litter was a huge effort daily with his kidney failure.  ANyway, he died in Jan and we were devastated.  She was so lonely.   I started to search and search for a dog for her.  I kept coming back to EBulls as being the best choice for a sendentary old lady.  Zeus was my top choice but MIL and DH were worried about stresing Holly.  We finally agreed to take Zeus in March.  Then Holly had the heart attack and I had to cancell.   Recently, a week before she died, I called the rescue and as fate would have it, she called back the day Holly died.  MIL is so devasted over Holly that I said, lets get Zeus now.  She agreed and I know she is looking forward cause she has been asking about him.  "Saint Holly"  would not be to happy sharing her yard with another dog as much as I wish she would , I take comfort that she at least liked Zeus when they met.  I have to think of Reds happiness now.    He needs Zeus.

Oh how great!   Zeus will be doing something for you as well as you doing for him! THAT is the way it should be.   And you know what.....Holly will be smiling at you from the bridge,,,saying to herself that at least she was able to keep you to herself while she was here, but now she will be happy that you are happy!   Of course Zeus will not be Holly,,,,and you won't compare,,,just another loving English Bull!!

That's wonderful news!  I can't wait to see pictures of Zeus.  No - he won't be a replacement at all for Holly, but as Dyan said, Holly would want you and your family...and Red to be happy. 

That brought a smile to my face! []  I think it's a terrific idea... I believe Holly would be pleased that you are not only thinking of Red's happiness but you are helping Zeus by adopting him!  I felt the same sort of guilt as you when you mentioned how Holly would not be happy to share her yard.  When Trixie came to live with us, the first morning after, I found her standing at the bottom of our pool (on top of a cover with possibly 2 feet of water below her... she was so light she barely made a dent in the cover.) After telling my husband, he said "betcha FeFe pushed her in".  And I believe it!  Fe could be a bully if she wanted to be... so I imagined her looking down at us like... 'ha! showed her who is still runnin' the show!'
 
Holly is proud of you.  Like everyone has said, Zeus doesn't take her place.  He's just another for you to love.  Looking forward to seeing pics![]

For a dog who was losing her hearing, she heard all food noises 

Isn't that amazing?  Tonka  "stopped" hearing kids playing outside or the front door opening, but make the TINIEST crinkle noise of any food packaging, and he awoke from the soundest sleep!
 

Our bedroom is a time capsule, left the same way as 10 days ago. I can't bring myselft to vaccumm cause I don't want to lose her hairs.

I completely understand.  I didn't vacuum for a couple weeks for the exact same reason, and because I didn't want to lose Tonka's paw prints that were visible in the carpet pile.  My husband finally vacuumed one day while I wasn't home.  It upset me a great deal when I had to discard that vacuum bag - I actually contemplated keeping it!  I still find Tonka's hairs on clothes that haven't been worn in a long time, or behind furniture, etc.  They always make me cry.
 
As for not touching the bedroom, it was a couple weeks before I could even think about washing the linens where he'd been, and the clothes I had on the night he died are folded up next to my nightstand in the exact place I left them when I went to bed that night.  I don't think I'll ever wash them, but I guess I should pack them away somewhere.  I also haven't cleaned the inside of the windows in the house or the car where there are nose/tongue prints.  I refuse to erase every sign of him.  But, even if I clean everything else, the deep scratches from his claws on the hardwood floors will always be with us.
 
I saw Susan St. James on the Oprah show several months ago - her young son, Teddy, was killed in a plane crash.  She described how she hadn't touched a thing in his room - one of the other kids wanted to take his computer, and she said her gut reaction was to say no, that he (Teddy) might need it, even though she knew that was impossible.  She also said she left everything in the closet "as is," and she specifically described several shirts that had the sleeves cuffed up where he'd hung them up without unrolling the sleeves.  She said they were such reminders of his physical presence - she had to leave them be.  I don't mean to compare the loss of a child to a pet (I can't imagine such a horrible grief - I have a friend who just experienced it, and I don't know how she's surviving).  But, that interview really touched me - I could relate to so much of what she said.

Oops - I was trying to catch up on the posts I'd missed on your thread from the last day or two, and I replied to one on an earlier page.  I didn't even see these latest posts about Zeus!
 
I'm so glad to hear he'll be coming to brighten the days of Red and your MIL.  I know he'll put a smile on your faces, too, even if he can't erase the pain in your heart.  It sounds like he needs a truly loving family - he's an older guy and deserves a special, permanent home now.  I'm looking forward to photos, too!   Welcome to Zeus!!

Oh that Fefe !!  what a girl!!  I remember when Holly met Red.  We took her to the shelter to meet him and in their meeting room dogpark, she nipped him.  Since he didn't care, I said, yep, this is a great dog.   When he came home,  Miss Hollywood (called that by her aunt)  was so mad, she nipped him and jumped on his back virtually everyday while going out to the yard. Boy was she mad. But they would explore the yard together and pee over each others pee.  Inside the house she was much better with him.  She hoarded all the toys and bones inside, but he began to hoard all the toys outside.  He buried every toy he got.  He must have 20 toys buried out there somewhere. I figured it was orphan dog syndrome.  Holly never did that.  One day he took Hollys football and I looked all over for it.  Finally I found it buried in my flower garden while planting some plants.  Yes a huge football.  I was always un-dgging the toys, espcecially the expensive kongs. 
 Holly could count.  If I snuck one of the nylabones off the bed to give to Red, she would stand on the bed and stare down at the poor fella on his bed deciding she needed that bone for her collection.  Mind, you she already had about 6 bones surrounding her.  SHe would bide her time, but then I heard her  jump down and steal it back and bring it up to our bed.  She might wait til the lites were out and we were sleeping, but she would get it.
 
Those first 2 weeks with Red, I was crying every day and we 3 were taking rescue remedy.  I was so quilty for rocking Hollys world.  IT took about a year but finally accepted him.  I always treated her as the alpha by feeding her first and stuff.  My friends said hang in there it will get better and it did.  Now I regret that Holly never had a sibling when she was younger.

Tracy - I saw that Susan St.; James interview. I still had Holly then tho.  So sad for her   Jim wanted to take my car to the carwash.  I told him in no uncertain terms that the back area was not to be touched (vaccumeed)  by them.  I quess one day, he'll get sick of the carpet and vaccum it.  The craziest thing I've done yet is I moved Hollys last poop from the grass to a place of honor under a sunflower seed plant that is finally growing.  I planted about 20 seeds and feared they never made it but slowly they are coming along.  I know when it finally blooms its big head, I will cry.  I know a lady who could not clean her car windows of her dogs slobber either, I think she wanted to remove the whole window and save it .  What us fur-moms go thru huh?

You guys are making me bawl, and I'm still at work!!!
It's so hard and sad to lose those signs of their presence. The love for your dogs is streaming through these posts and I thank you for sharing them... Holly and Tonka will live on in my thoughts, too, just like all the others reading these posts...

from one Bulldog lover to another I am so sorry for your loss
 
 
Melissa

Dear Hollysmom,  I'm so very sorry for your loss.  Those (should of, would of's & could of's)  are such a big part of the grieving process....
It's obvious how much you love Holly & you will see her again someday, when your time here is done, & it will seem like no time at all has passed... 
 
 A love like this does not dissolve with death,  it is still there in spirit & you will be re-united again someday. 
Take comfort in knowing that she is in the best hand's possible & among many wonderful fur-babies at the Rainbow Bridge....
 
My thought's are with you now......
 
                    chevy & karen
 

Thankyou everyone for your support.
 
It was another hard weekend.  The bright spot was time spent with Zeus.  He is such a dear, sweet, loving boy, he is 7 (but I think he is older).   Red was so happy at first that another dog was in the yard, but soon realized that Zeus is too old to play   He then became very sedate and we all laid around watching TV, sitting on the patio or taking short walks.  Red was great with the old boy, waking very slowly with him.  MIL loves Zeus to death already,as do JIm and I.  Zeus really follows Jim around, that is so good that he likes men, unlike Red.  He is sleeping in MIL's bedroom.  Zeus 's only hangup is that he hates garden hoses and sprinkler systems.  We suspect he was abused by kids with a hose as a puppy, he starts barking and going crazy. 
 
So on one hand it was great spending time with a lovely bulldog, but made my space (bedroom) even emptier.  I was crying alot on Sunday.  I miss my baby.  Oh, I did move back into my bedrrom Sat. nite to feel more connected with her.   

So much to post about since I was last online!  Little Miss Hollywood takes the cake! []
 
Pam... your stories about Holly are so cute.  I could spend all day reading posts like these... about what everyone's dogs used to do, even tho we probably didn't think much of it at the time it was happening... those memories are so special to us now!  Especially the 'deaf when they wanna be' parts.  You know, I actually took FeFe to the vet once thinking she had lost her hearing only to be made a fool of!!  Fe heard things only when SHE wanted to! 
 
The ones about Holly & Red remind me of FeFe and Gracie.  Peeing on each other's pee (even when nothing was actually coming out, it's the action that counts... haha)  Hording the toys and bones (the only burying that went on at our place was under couch cushions).  I can't believe Red buried a big football!! lol  And all those buried toys in the yard... how cute!  Even the nipping...  Gracie would stand there and take whatever Fe had to dish out.  I think that's a sign of a good dog too!    I also believe reminicing helps all of us in so many ways. 
 
I saw the Susan St. James interview as well.... so very sad for her and can understand why she doesn't want anything of her son's to be touched.  I'd be the very same and I'm doing the same thing, especially with toys and all the clothes that FeFe had.  We keep some of Fe's favorite toys in the livingroom on a chair and it's like Gracie & Trixie know those are not meant for them.  They notice the toys but don't touch them.  And I completely understand about not wanting the car or certain parts of the house touched!!  For a few weeks, there was a french fry laying in the floor of my vehicle almost under the seat and I know it was one that FeFe dropped so I wouldn't touch it and warned others to leave it there, don't touch it. 
 
The bedroom was also a big big deal for me... the first couple nights were difficult, often crying myself to sleep.  Sometimes I still do. I'm glad you moved back in there.  I think you will feel more connected with her
 
All you guys keep your chins up.  Our babies are sending us their love! 

This post is so overdue, Pam, but I wanted to say how sorry I was and still am for the loss of your beautiful fur girl, Holly.  Her personality really shines through in the picture you posted and I know she was your baby and I know she knew how much you loved her and would have done anything for her...
 
Be at peace, Holly.