Dog Community

My beloved bulldog Holly is gone

Pam

Posted : 7/12/2006 2:23:04 PM

Yesterday we buried the bravest sweetest english bulldog at a young age 9 1/2. She had a heart attack in March and the meds were keeping her going , but I could tell she was slowing down and getting tired. Last week she fainted and I begged her not to leave me then. Yesterday, she decided to go on her own. I roused her from my bed after a bad nite of vomiting and I was scared cause I knew she threw up the meds too. I gave her her usual morning kisses and love and she got up. In the hallway at the top of the steps, she refused to come down, so I wnet back up to carry her down. SHe fell down unconscience I think. I could hear her heart beating a little and I didn't see her breathing. I didn't think you were supposed to give rescue breaths if the heart was pumping so I didn't. I was in a panic. I laid her in the living room and still I could hear her heart pumping faintly. I ran to the car and put her in and rushed to the cardiologist 5 mins away. I heard her gasp once and I believe that was it. She died in my station wagon car that was her favorite cause she could see out of the windows. They rushed out to take her from me and did CPR to no avail.

My friend says to take comfort that she chose to die with me, either on the floor in the house or in my car.

I am aching so bad, this hurts worse than anything. It is so unfair - I thought she would live to at least 13 or 15, I did everything for her, I tryed every thing in the book to cure her yeasty ears. Monica Segal just

ut her on raw buffalo. DH and I looked on the net it says the life span is only 8-10. The breeder told us 10 years but I said oh no, this dog will go to 13 at least.

Well, turns out she also had a small tumor on heart and the arrythmia. I am going crazy with grief trying to figure out what cuased what. We think the tumor caused the arrythmia. I think the first 4 years of commercail dogfood and the yearly vaccines and tap water did it. I think when I finally wised up and switched her over, the damage was done

I miss you sooo much sweetie, my baby girl, Mommy loves you forever with tears flowing, please help me with this agony, grief and quilt.

glenmar

Posted : 7/12/2006 2:32:38 PM

Oh hon, I'm soooo sorry. She's young and whole again....forever a pup now. Please stop beating yourself up....Holly wouldn't want you to blame yourself for ANY of this. Know that you are in my thots and prayers.

Run free beautiful girl.

sooner

Posted : 7/12/2006 2:36:23 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. Please try not to drive yourself crazy. You did everything possible and I'm sure Holly knew it. She knew nothing but love with you. She's healthy again, no heart problems, and she's frolicking at the Bridge waiting for you.

Run free Holly [sm=angel.gif]

sharismom

Posted : 7/12/2006 2:42:10 PM

I am so very sorry to read this. Try not to beat yourself up. You gave her a good life. Many of us started out as dog owners who didn't know as much about nutrition, vaccines, etc., but we loved our dogs and that meant something. You didn't do anything malicious. She knows how much you loved her. Try to take solace in that.

Run free, Holly. [sm=angel.gif]

forpaws

Posted : 7/12/2006 2:47:46 PM

I miss you sooo much sweetie, my baby girl, Mommy loves you forever with tears flowing, please help me with this agony, grief and quilt.

Honey, let the tears flow. That is part of the grieving process. Holly knew you loved her dearly. Please don't feel guilty over something you could not change. You gave her the best life could offer for a sweet dog.
I cry along side with you and your family. I wish I could just take your hurt and pain from you. I also wish I could be there to offer you a dry shoulder to cry on.
If you want to talk, please email me.
Hugs, Angel

marty_ga

Posted : 7/12/2006 2:53:22 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss, HollysMom. You did everything you could to save her, and you gave her a life full of love. Rest in peace, sweet Holly.

Sandra TH

Posted : 7/12/2006 3:39:33 PM

HollysMom, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sending hugs...

cakana

Posted : 7/12/2006 3:42:18 PM

Pam - I am so very sorry to read about Holly. You obviously loved her dearly and she knew that. I know it's hard to imagine that you won't always feel this pain and sadness, but one day you'll begin to remember how much joy you brought each other. As the others said, do not think that it was anything you did or didn't do that caused this. It sounds like she had a full and, until recently, healthy life with lots of love. My thoughts are with you [sm=angel.gif]

Pam

Posted : 7/12/2006 3:51:01 PM

Oh why oh why didn't I give the rescue breaths? I was 1 inch from her nose. WHy didn't I figure it out that she NEEDED the breaths? Please tell me it wouldn't have mattered. Does anyone know CPR? I am secondguessing all my descions since 10 PM when she vomited the previous nite. I should have ran to the kitchen and brought up pills and fed her breakfast in bed

I'm trying to post a photo but its too large. I took a bunch this week and I'm glad I did.

Paula Diffenbaugh

Posted : 7/12/2006 4:49:32 PM

Please don't do this to yourself. Knowing that something was wrong and rushing out the door was the best thing you could do for Holly. The devil puts these thoughts in our heads when we are hurting, don't let him. Don't second geuss yourself! Fill your mind with thoughts of your preciuos Holly. The fun you had, the love you shared and know that you were both blessed to have each other for 91/2 years. She runs free and healthy at the bridge because it was simply her time to go. She would not want you to have any doubts about that.

tacran

Posted : 7/12/2006 6:13:34 PM

I'm so sorry to hear about Holly. I'm shedding tears for her, too. I know that you're crying gallons of them, so perhaps our tears will lessen your burden.

The agony you're feeling is devastating, I know. When we lost Tonka in January, I thought I'd be physically sick from sobbing so hard. I swear, I could feel my heart literally breaking.

Wondering if you could've done something differently is an automatic reaction for a lot of us who've been through this. Tonka's last couple hours were quite panicky, and I still think maybe we could've done something different to help him, or at least to buy us a few hours so we could be with a familiar vet instead of the emergency clinic for our goodbye.

Tonka was just shy of his 10th birthday, and his breed's life expectancy is 8-10, also. But, like you, we were certain he'd live longer, since our care for him was far and above the "average" type of care. We didn't learn about better diet and restricted vaccine protocols until he was 2, so I wonder if we did early damage, too. I can't tell you not to beat yourself up, as I think some of us can't help it and have a harder time with guilt and regret (I do). I can only tell you that the pain lessens a little as time goes on, that you will be able to think and talk about Holly without collapsing. For me, it was a long time, and I still have rough days, but it is much better 6 months later.

I will ask Tonka to look for Holly at the Bridge. He was a Bull Mastiff, so he'll be happy to make the acquaintance of a pretty girl who is stocky like he is and whose broad head will match his own. If Holly's like the other Bulldogs I've known (and oh, how we love that breed!), she will love to join Tonka in long naps, where they can snore together happily! They can give each other a goofy grin with funny underbites and teeth that their breeds share.

My heart goes out to you during this awful time. Run free Holly - I wish I could give your big, solid body a hug. Watch over your Mom while she faces each day. [sm=angel.gif]

Rozie Evans

Posted : 7/12/2006 7:18:43 PM

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, i know words wont make anything any better, but have some comfort knowing your sweet sweet girl is no longer in pain.

Run Free Holly x

Rozie

jessies_mom

Posted : 7/12/2006 7:19:41 PM

Please don't beat yourself up; you did everything right. It was time for her to go. Please take the advice of luv_my_jakey and tacran; you took excellent care of her; please don't second guess anything you did. You will see her again someday at the Bridge; she has good company there while she's waiting for you. She is well again and is playing with Tonka and the other dogs who have gone before her. I'm sending you a <<< Big Hug>>>.

Run free sweet Holly. [sm=angel.gif]

Sandy Gardner

Posted : 7/12/2006 8:09:57 PM

If you are a Christian please read the book "Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates." I lost my little Miss Bessie Sue Hound Dog on 5/19/06 to kidney failure. I too planned on having her by my side for another 5 or 6 yrs...she was only 9-1/2. Like you and many others I cried uncontrollably for weeks. Everything reminds me of her little "bagel" face and I stressed over the possibility or never seeing her on the other side. The reasonable part of me knew that the Rainbow Bridge is what it is, a wonderfully sweet story that makes us hope for more! Then I found Cold Noses and have been reassured about Miss Bessie's "soul."
Your baby gave you all the extra time she could, and gave you her last gift, being with her when she passed. Bessie was at the vet and waited for my arrival...she waited to give me that last kiss and the look in her eyes told me she was ready. I selfishly prayed for God to leave her with me a little longer and begged her not to go, but when I saw that "look" I knew she needed me to let go. Now I know she is Up there taking charge, getting the other dogs in order, as she was always a bossy little girl that required structure and order. ha ha. You will always be Holly's mom and your love will always be strong. Don't let anyone tell you that you will get over it because you won't! You will learn to let her go and accept the loss of her special companionship. You know she is in a new, pain free body, running and leaping for joy and waiting for your arrival.
God Bless You!

ron2

Posted : 7/12/2006 8:26:56 PM

Holly lived as long as she was supposed to live. And there is absolutely not a single shred of scientific proof that commercial food had anything to do with it. You were blessed to have her and she was equally blessed to have you. You did everything you should have done and more and it was enough. You and she were blessed that you were together at the time of her passing. Others were away on trips and didn't have that last moment together.

"Everything about this house was born to grow and die ...:"

"Funeral for a Friend" by Sir Elton John and Bernie Taupin.

"There's no place for us.
It's all been decided for us.
There's only one sweet moment
Set aside for us."

"Who Wants To Live Forever?" by Queen.

It hurts like a son of a gun and she is better now and wants you to be better, too.