Goodbye Shari 10-22-90 ~ 6-13-06

it's the sudden holes in the daily routine that are so hard to bear - each one is like a separate little loss (not taking the walk, not getting the food, etc.).

 
You hit the nail directly on the head. You said it better than I could have. I have found it to be the case, whether human or non-human.
 
As long as Tina knows to come here and get hugs and doggy slobbers.
 

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss Tina.  I had never heard of the Rainbow Bridge until I came here.  But  think of Shari running free with all of the beloved pets who have gone before her.  My thoughts and prayers and tears are with you.

Oh Tina, I started crying the minute I saw this title... my heart goes out to you.

Run free and painlessly Shari.[sm=angel.gif]

Yeah, it is the little routines that have been so much a part of my life with Shari that bring the tears back each time I face them.  She had a chronic eye problem that required medication every 12 hours and other attention at least every 4 hours.  This routine was part of mine for close to 12 years, so it's going to be a while before I re-adjust.
 
Part of the guilt I felt about deciding it was time was because I wanted to be certain that I wasn't doing it because it would relieve me of that constant care she needed for the eyes.  For nearly 12 years I adjusted my life to keep her on schedule and have received more than one stupid comment or look about it.  People who aren't true dog people just don't understand.  I seldom went away overnight, didn't go shopping or visiting for more than 4-hour blocks.  My first thought before doing something was "how can I make sure I can still keep Shari's needs on schedule if I do whatever?"
 
I have my two cats and they are enough for now.  I can't see myself without a dog for too long, but will wait for the right time and one to come along.

I'm so sorry Tina. Shari will be well missed! Run strong Shari!

Tina my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry.

Run free, Shari.

I am so very sorry to hear about your loss.  I was just reading your other thread and I think you have been very strong and helped your baby go to a much better life over the Bridge with lots of snow.  She can be peacful now and no longer have to suffer. 

So sorry for your loss.  Your both in my thoughts.

For nearly 12 years I adjusted my life to keep her on schedule and have received more than one stupid comment or look about it.

I understand, I get those looks too.  Those are the same people who say things to me like, "she's just a dog".  They don't get it.

Most people thought we were nuts for how we adjusted our life for Tonka, too.  From putting our mattress on the floor when he couldn't jump up anymore, to working only half-days in his later years so he wouldn't be alone and stuck inside for so long - every decision we made included consideration of how it would affect him.  Tina, I can totally relate to what you said about not traveling overnight and cutting social things short so you get home at the right time for feeding, pottying, etc.  Now when I find myself doing things like staying at a BBQ for several hours without constantly checking my watch, I feel so sad.  I'd give up the extra social hours if it meant Tonka was back with us.
 
I think the "little, separate losses" are especially hard if our dogs required a lot of special care prior to their deaths.  The sudden amount of empty time in my life was (and still is) very upsetting.  No more cooking special food, hand feeding, extra clean up, giving meds or supplements, internet research, etc.  Even the time that didn't involve physical activity involved "care" for him (if I was at work, I was thinking about how he was at home).  I still feel guilty about how I let him see or hear my frustration when I was just exhausted.  It's true what you said about wondering if your decision was because you couldn't take it anymore.  There were nights when I literally didn't sleep more than 30 minutes, when we thought Tonka was surely leaving us before morning - I said, "I can't take this roller coaster anymore" a few times.  It's an awful ache to remember that now.  I never wanted him to think I resented the care - I would've done anything to help him.
 
Routines and habits are VERY hard to change.  Just tonight I was chopping some veggies, and I felt myself nearly push a few carrots to the side of the cutting board to give to my boy, who would've been parked right next to me, his massive head just about at counter height, waiting for something to crunch.
 
I'm thinking of you, Tina, and I'm sending you hugs and good vibes as you face these first very painful days.  Feel free to PM me if you'd like - I'm certainly a sympathetic ear. 

I am soo sorry.  I can't tell you how much.  She was such a  beautiful dog.  She's running again, now, doing what Malamutes do best.  Tons of room up there at the bridge.  And its always the right temperature.

Oh Tina I am so sorry

Tina:
 
So very, very sorry.  It is clear you made the decision to let Shari go for all the right reasons - for her.  It is far easier to abdicate that responsibility then it is to act on it.
 
It is harder in some ways to lose those special needs kids - those routines, extra steps, precautions.  Tracy expressed how this loss of our companions manifests itself perfectly. I cannot add to it.
 
With sincere sympathy I wish you comfort in your memories and peace for beautiful Shari.
 

And its always the right temperature.

 
Candace - I laughed at that because it's sooo true!  I always said that it if it was no more than 10 degrees on the hottest day, Shari would be the happiest dog in the world!  I loved to see her go out into the first snow of the season - she'd get antsy to go out and would run out into it and dive into the biggest pile she could find!  Even when I had to have the heat on in the house, I still kept it cold so Shari would be comfortable!
 
Tracy - what you said is very true, too.  All of it.  Sometimes being a little mad for having to provide the extra care, or clean up the accidents (fortunately hers were only in the past 3 months), then remembering she couldn't do it for herself and accepting the choice I made to care for her.  My ex-husband was of the opinion that I should just let her go blind (just one reason he's my ex).  Shari didn't ask for it, it's not her fault, I was her mommy and that was my responsibility. 
 
Of course, the satisfaction I got from her far outweighed the occasional stress.  How could I not love that fuzzy face?  She was part Samoyed, and had that "Sammy smile" which she was more than happy to share.  I couldn't be mad at her for more than a nano-second because she was like a big teddy bear.  Sweet, loveable, gentle - even in her last months with all the discomfort she had, her personality never changed.  She never bit, snarled, or was cranky.  If we were bothering her, she'd just get up and go to her bed.  She didn't have a mean bone in her body. 
 
I went back to the vet this morning with my two cats for their annual check-ups and I held up a lot better than I thought I would.  The other stuff, the morning walk, the eye drops, well, I'm still looking at the clock thinking "I've gotta do...".  I know it'll get better, one day at a time.
 
Thank you again so very much to all of you for your very kind words, thoughts, and prayers.  It has helped me more than I can ever express.

Sorry to hear that you have lost your girl.  I just know she will send you a sign when the Iditarod is hers! []
Run free, sweet girl.