Am supposed to say goodbye on Thursday

Olivia, I'm so sorry for your loss.  I'm reading this a bit late too. 
 
I know how heartbreaking it is to lose Tuffy... I lost FeFe a year ago on March 26th.  The first day without her was horrible.  I kept thinking - one day at a time and that's how I had to approach it or I became overwhelmed.  And that's even harder to explain to those who aren't animal lovers like the rest of us here.  To my husband and I, we have grieved as if we lost a child.  Time doesn't heal all wounds but it eventually dulls some of the pain. 
 
I also believe you did the right thing.  To help him over to The Bridge is a HUGE GIFT.  One that I wish we could have given to my parents' dog during his last days.  Tuffy knows you love you him and he always will. 
 
What a cute way to remember his personality.... "he'd much rather sip espresso and read The New Yorker than run after a ball and get himself filthy".[]  I'm sure he's sitting along with other intellectual doggies getting their opinions on the silly animals romping around getting filthy (which would probably be FeFe... she LOVED rolling in poo!)
 
Hugs to you as you go through this difficult time.
 
Run Free, Tuffy  [sm=angel.gif]

I am just reading this - so sorry you lost your sweet one.  I know that he still feels the love you are sending to the Bridge.  

I am a nurse here in Texas. We live in a courtyard complex of townhomes with the courtyard dog. He lives wihin the complex, and everyone chips in to feed and love him. I have 2 cats two dogs and was unable to fully take him in our home. He had his shots , but never a full home. He seemed content to roam somewhat free in the courtyard. He fell ill two days ago vomiting. I found him yesterday urinating blood. I knocked on the neighbor's door who has claimed him as her's if she ever moves to a home with a yard. I took her and the dog "Midgey" to the vet. It is a bad case of heartworms. Choice a- put him down; b-surgery for 2000. dollars; c- meds to delay the problem- a worse case scenario bad heartworms! We took the meds in hope. Afterwards we realized we didn't have the money for followup treatment. I prayed. God what do we do. The neighbor Rachael and I came to the same conclusion- send him across the rainbow bridge. While writing this e-mail, Racheal just knocked on my door and said it's done. We took him this morning. He crossed the bridge. God Bless, I can't wait to see my little friend Midgey one day when I cross The Rainbow Bridge. Thanks, Donna R. soulight. P.S. there are so many animals in need, and another opportunity to help.

I'm so sorry soulight, it would be so wonderful if we could afford to fix all of our pets.. it would be so wonderful if there was a place to take pets that are not ours to have them fixed...God knows that we spend so much on our own. But there is not these wonderful places...and I'm so sorry that you have to go thru this. Midgey was ill and you helped ease her pain,,into another and happier life for her. Bless you guys for taking care of her!

Hi everyone,
 
I know it's been awhile since I've posted.  In that urgent, scary time just before and after Tuffy passed away, I needed to talk and write about him constantly as a harbinger from the heart-clenching pain of my grief. 
 
Once the immediacy passed, talking and writing about him became too much.  My heart was too heavy.  When I would allow myself to touch it inside, the sorrow seared me.  And yet, there is the pressure from all the non-dog/non-I-get-it people; at work, my friends, my classmates, to recover quickly.  It's not like I lost a son or my father.  And, as you guys know, I might as well have, really.  He was a dog.  That's worth a day or two of "hey, how you holdin' up?"s, but then someone shoots up 30 kids and teachers in Virginia and scandal hits my class.  At the bottom of the thought-trash of those around me is my seemingly modest loss. 
 
So, I've trudged through my days.  Holding in my crying jags until I get home.  It's not everyday now, maybe every third.  When they hit, though, I'm paralized. 
 
I miss Tuffy desperately.  Though I'm tempted to quell those thoughts and conform to those around me, I keep trying to just feel it.  I am acknowledging his importance in my life w/o embarrassment or  pushing a stiff upper lip upon myself.  I'm struggling with the grief.  I'm tired.  But I think the advice "one day at a time" is valuable.  I've been trying to come up with a way to memorialize him.  Has anyone done something in memory of their dog they'd like to share?
 
I am blessed to have loved and be loved by Tuffy, the World's Greatest Cocker Spaniel (though, I'm sure yours is lovely too, fellow cocker lovers).  I keep that in my heart.  I'm hoping I will be able to be satisfied by that someday. 
 
I hope you and your doggies are all well.  Thanks again for your messages. 

I'm so sad for you.
Its amazing how loosing a little creature of God like this can make such a hole in our hearts.

Olivia - I'm sorry that you're still having a difficult time, but I'm not surprised.  We can't be expected to not mourn our best friend's passing for quite some time.  It sounds like the days are getting better though.  There's a thread at the top of this topic section called "Rainbow Bridge Welcoming Committee"
[linkhttp://forum.dog.com/asp/tm.asp?m=328623]http://forum.dog.com/asp/tm.asp?m=328623[/link]
 
You can have a picture placed there as part of a memorial.  I know others have done some really amazing projects as memorials.  Hopefully one of them will be along and share their ideas with you. 

Take your time. Everyone grieves in their own way and time. You lost a friend, not a dog. As for memorial, plant a tree or flowering shub. It would be a good act to add to the oxygen on earth; or volunteer at your local shelter ;or adopt another dog in desperate need. You have the heart for it, continue to use it. Donna-soulight.

ORIGINAL: moonandtuffysmom
. . . there is the pressure from all the non-dog/non-I-get-it people; at work, my friends, my classmates, to recover quickly.  It's not like I lost a son or my father.  And, as you guys know, I might as well have, really.

Olivia, many of us have experienced the seemingly dismissive attitude some people have during our extended grieving period.  My co-workers expressed sincere words of sympathy when I came back to work 3 days after Tonka died, but for them it was then "over," while for me it continued (and still continues).  Only people who've dearly loved a pet like a true family member can understand why it may not be so crazy to admit that you're mourning the loss of a dog more than a human.  My husband was stunned to find himself deeply grief stricken after Tonka's death, and felt ashamed to admit that he felt worse about losing Tonka than he did after his father died.  But in reality, Tonka was an intimate part of every aspect of our lives for nearly 10 years, and my father-in-law lived hundreds of miles away for more than that, with very infrequent visits.  The truth is that you feel the absence more profoundly when the hole is in your daily life, your household, etc.  This is inconceivable to a lot of people, but not to some of us.
 
And the "one day at a time" concept is the best way to cope.  I used to measure my periods of composure by hours before I fell apart again, then it turned into days, then weeks, etc.  And even months later, you can still be stopped dead by something that brings the pain right back to the surface.  It never really goes away, it just becomes manageable. 
 
Express your grief however long you need - whether it's by yourself or only with those who can understand (even those of us who are in cyber-land!).  Take care.

We do pet therapy -- sometimes a memorial takes the form of a donation.  Pollyanna, Foxy, Ms. Socks, Muffin the Intrepid all have paver stones at Give Kids the World.
 
I wrote a memorial to rissy and Mike tha Dog and put it on our website -- for Pris it was simply a letter to her.  Even 7 years after I'd lost her I was still so grief-stricken I could barely function (and had taken other dogs but she was SOOOOO much the heart dog for me and I had her 21 years).  [linkhttp://www.critturs.com/prissy.html]http://www.critturs.com/prissy.html[/link]
and [linkhttp://www.critturs.com/mike.html]http://www.critturs.com/mike.html[/link]
 
I tend to do something different for each because each is so different.

I am blessed to have loved and be loved by Tuffy, the World's Greatest Cocker Spaniel (though, I'm sure yours is lovely too, fellow cocker lovers). I keep that in my heart. I'm hoping I will be able to be satisfied by that someday.

 
You will.
 

To everyone who is grieving, let me say take your time. everyone grieves in their own time and way. We didn't just lose a pet, but friends. My animals are some of my best friends. If I can say, look to your spiritual side; whatever that may be for strength for yourself. I have had mant animals. One does not replace another. They are each separate, special spirits. My point is there are alot of special spirits in need in local shelters and ways to help again in the future.

ORIGINAL: soulight

To everyone who is grieving, let me say take your time. everyone grieves in their own time and way. We didn't just lose a pet, but friends. My animals are some of my best friends. If I can say, look to your spiritual side; whatever that may be for strength for yourself. I have had mant animals. One does not replace another. They are each separate, special spirits. My point is there are alot of special spirits in need in local shelters and ways to help again in the future.

Very well put.  I guess the way I look at it is that no dog could ever replace Dancer -but, then, no dog will ever be able to replace Sioux when the time comes, either.  They are, just as the humans in our lives, dear dear friends.

I couldn't agree more with what Tracy said.  After FeFe passed, the lady I work with said just come back to work - even if it meant I did nothing but sit there crying.  She saw the grief long after others thought it was time for me to be 'over it'.  It's still hard.  One day at a time - that's how I got through the worst part of my sorrow.  Sometimes it's a few minutes at a time... a few hours at a time and then we graduate to one day at a time.  Even then, there are moments that send me back to the worst parts -- finding out Fe was sick, that there was nothing we could do and the day she passed.  I wasn't ready to let go but I never would have been even if I had more years ahead with her. 
 
As with Tracy's husband, my husband compared our loss of FeFe to his mom & his grandpa.  But I believe he mourned more for Fe.  He hardly spoke about it at work because other men think "it's just a dog".  When my parents' dog, Brownie, passed away in March -- he finally opened up to my Dad about it.  Having lost someone, animal or human, who was part of your every day life is horrifying to deal with.  The routine is gone, the silence is deafening. 
 
Your pain is hard to explain to those who don't understand but here... we do understand.  Tuffy is looking out for you now... he's your angel.  Nobody can take that away.  Take care of yourself...