Wondering how to deal... still grieving

Thanks -- an heck, at my age at least you'll never have to send me to college!!  whatta deal, Thanks!!

Whew! That's a relief!  Seeing as how most of my family has decided to go to college a little later than normal... like 30s & 40s, I'm glad we won't have to send ya!   []   Welcome to the family!

Missy, how beautiful ! How did they make that?

Missy, that's so beautiful!  Now you and your husband can both be "wrapped up in FeFe" cold nights (or you can have to layers when you really need them).  I don't know which blanket is cuter -- both have absolutely the cutest images on them!

Thanks Pam... isn't she a cutie?  I just found out the girls at work ordrered the throw from ABC Distributing.  Evidently, you have to place the order then the company sends a packet with info and then you mail that back along with a photo.  I'm not sure where MIL ordered this one, it's a different texture than the other throw.  When I find out where she ordered it, I'll let you know! []

Thanks Tracy!  I'm afraid to wrap up in the other throw because it seems to get these little nicked places easily & I don't want to hurt the photo part.  The one my MIL gave me looks a bit more sturdy, if that makes sense?  I like to curl up in that one [].  Thanks for saying both have the cutest images on them... Fe was my "cover girl".  I can't get Trixie or Gracie to sit still or even look my way half the time but FeFe was always ready for a photo op... she was a ham!  I feel blessed.

Today is my 31st birthday.  My first without FeFe... the first that I haven't really felt like celebrating (believe me, it's odd... I love birthdays, not just my own but everybody's).   FeFe made every day so enjoyable.  This day just feels much more different than the others.  I know those of you that have lost pets know how I feel...

One of these days... I'll see her again and we'll celebrate every day together.

I am so very for your loss.  I just lost my beautiful Golden Retriever, Cocoa, to cancer four weeks ago.  It came as a real shock because he was outwardly healthy and just shy of his ninth birthday - next week.  The vet thought he had a tick-borne illness and in true Golden Retriever fashion, he hid whatever pain he was suffering and smiled to make us happy.  He was being treated with antibiotics and seemed to be getting well but went downhill in a matter of hours and we had to put him down.  Somehow it's the pets that get us through major life crises that really touch our hearts.  Cocoa got me through some of the most difficult moments of my life.  He was there for me when I was "downsized" from my job, went through a severe illness, saved my life when my house caught fire, comforted me when my mother died in an accident, and moved here with me to my current home five years ago.  I felt like I was all alone in the world except for him.  The first man he ever approved of was my (now) husband and he welcomed him into our pack of two like he had always been there.  We are both just devastated.  
 
I did two things that helped me.  OK, I know this sounds crazy, but, I wrote Cocoa a letter thanking him for all the things he had done for me, apologizing for not being able to save his life, and telling him how much we miss him and how he will live on in our hearts and memories.  I will put this letter with his ashes when I am ready to pick them up.  I also read James Van Pragh's book, "Healing Grief."  It has a whole chapter on losing pets and his experiences with animals that have passed over.  (He is a very well known medium).  His story about a woman's deceased horse who wanted to thank her for sleeping in his stall when he was ill made me feel like our pets are still with us and that we will see them again some day.  I was reminded of the scene from his TV movie biopic (starring Ted Danson) where Van Pragh witnessed the death of a friend whose bed was suddenly surrounded by deceased relatives and the man's long passed Golden Retriever jumped onto his bed to greet him. 
 
I feel I am honoring Cocoa's memory by getting another pet.  And as my very best friend for almost nine years, I know he would want me to be happy.  My husband and I are waiting to hear about a litter born over the weekend.  I can't "replace" Cocoa EVER but I know that holding a new little life will bring me comfort and the sense of being needed again.  I'm so very sorry to read about your suffering, and the pain expressed by the other posters, but, it does make me feel better to know I am not alone.  And, that I shouldn't be "over it" in four weeks.  I will pray for you and all the other posters that your pain will subside and you will be left with happy memories of a wonderful friend and family member.  God Bless.
 
 

Eileen, I'm so sorry that you lost Cocoa so recently.  I think since FeFe, I am extremely anxious when I take Trixie & Gracie in for a checkup.  Everything had always been fine and when we were told the problem wasn't 'fixable' - the whole family was in complete shock.  Now I never know if there's some bad news lurking... it's a sigh of relief once we're on our way back home.
 
My relationship sounds very much like your relationship with Cocoa.  She was my comfort.  The things you mentioned that have helped you don't sound crazy at all.  I write journals, sometimes just once a month (on the anniversary date) or when I feel like I need to.... it's one part memorial, one part letter to her.  I feel emotionally drained after writing BUT I also feel a weight has been lifted off my chest. 
 
I think it's wonderful that you honored Cocoa's memory by getting another pet and giving it a wonderful life.  I felt we needed to have another one because not only were we not dealing well with the loss... Gracie (our cocker spaniel mix) wasn't either.  We were worried about her... she never wanted to lay under tables but she began laying where Fe would always nap.   She wouldn't eat or drink... when we got her outside, she seemed like she just wanted to go back in to lay down.  Trixie has been a big help in healing our spirits. 
 
When we face the day that comes when we are no longer giving care to our pets... that whole routine, the feeling of helping them, the hopes that they'll be here just a little while longer if we do the right thing leaves a huge hole in our lives.  We recently went to a game and passed by the 'scenic area' that we stopped while going to (and coming back from) Virginia Tech's Vet Hospital.  Anytime we were in a strange area, I'd put a leash and collar on FeFe... I did in that area just in case but she never needed it.  She'd get in the grassy area, do what she needed and came straight back to me.  Going by there brought back a flood of memories and whole lot of tears.  Some days, the sadness seems overwhelming all over again. 
 
I thank you so much for posting about your Cocoa and how you are dealing with his passing.  You'll never be alone here... I hope you'll continue to post.  This thread for me feels like therapy and I really appreciate those who have posted their thoughts & feelings.  
 
May God Bless you and your family as well... You are in my thoughts.

Monday, March 26th was the anniversary of FeFe's crossing over to The Bridge.  I couldn't bring myself to even log onto the forum or to even write as I normally do (sort of a diary of thoughts & memories of Fe's life) on the 26th of every month. 

After posting about Brownie, describing his personality and some of the little things he did that made us adore him more -- I believe I will use that idea for a tribute to our girl. 

FeFe was a light 14 pounds but even at that weight, she was never too good of a jumper (although it never stopped her from trying).  She once thought I was leaving her as I hopped off the deck at our pool to run inside the house just for a sec -- I heard someone yell NO FEFE! and turned just in time to see her leap off the almost 5' deck in my direction.  From that moment on, I never left her behind -- even if it was only for a sec.

She loved water -- I could start water for a bath and turn my back only to find her standing in the middle of the tub, wagging her tail!  Anytime we were in the pool, she was there.  She loved to sun bathe -- either on a float with me or by the pool.  If we were under water longer than she thought we should have been, FeFe swam in circles above us until we came up for air.  Fe always ran around the deck with my towel in her mouth.
 
Fe LOVED going for rides!  I can only remember one time that made her sick - but that was my fault.  She loved the windows down, standing in my lap staring out at everything as we passed by.  Occasionally, she'd bark at birds, cats and other dogs near the side of the road. 

She never liked birds (even the baby one she was staring at in the pic I posted) and would often chase after them if a bunch of them were in the middle of the yard.  I miss hearing and seeing her play with her toys -- after wrestling around with them, she'd lay on her side against the toy and bark and kick all four of her legs straight out over and over again.  FeFe ran with her butt dragging the ground when she was hyper.  She'd let out a scream instead of a bark if someone she didn't know came to our house.  She wasn't good with stairs that were indoors but boy she could run up and down them outside!  Fe pranced when she came thru the doggie door.  She loved socks and undies... I usually found a bunch under the bed.

I can't understand why anyone would mistreat her but I'm so glad she got a 2nd chance with us as her new family.  I miss watching her sit still as she was groomed, how she ran like crazy once it was done and the way she always came back if I told her she had gone just a little too far.  Fe was our sunshine and her memory will live on in us forever.

We love you and miss you bunches little FeFe.  I hope you are doing all the things that made you happy with all your friends at The Bridge.  [sm=angel.gif]  And take care of Brownie - show him the ropes (and let him have some socks too).

Love,
Mommy & Daddy

Missy - that's a beautiful tribute to FeFe and it made me smile and laugh to read about her special qualities.  I can just picture her swimming around waiting for you to bob back up [].  She had quite a personality and I know what a void you must still feel.  I hope it's getting better as the days go by, but we both know you'll never quit missing her.  I'm certain that she and Brownie are watching over you and your family though and smiling at their memories too [sm=angel.gif]

Just wanted to say THANK YOU so very very much for your response!  You know they say time heals all wounds.  Well, it hasn't healed (and probably won't) but it has allowed me to remember the GOOD STUFF instead of dwelling on her last 6 months of life.  A year has made a big difference and I've made a vow to Fe that I'm going to try even harder to look at the good things -- remember the good times and live with joy in my heart cause I know that's how she loved us to be, Happy. 
 
Thanks again... your response means a lot []

Fluffy has been gone not quite a year yet and you are right it doesn`t heal but you do remember the fun good times and you do smile. Then there are times I dream of when she was sick and wake up crying. Its a rollercoster ride. For 6 months my hubby would not even talk about Fluffy not here anymore. I wanted to talk about her to he wouldn`t at all. Finally he did and he cryed and cryed and cryed. I `ve never seen him like that before. In my mind she was just a dog to him. I was wrong in the end. I found out it was just to hard for him to talk about it because he loved her that much he could not deal with her death. Sorry to rattle on.

Wow, I can't believe it's already been a year for Fefe.  She hasn't been forgotten by us.  I'm sure she's having a wonderful time at the bridge and waiting for you!

Mollymoo, I have the same sort of dreams of when FeFe was sick and I wake up with that knot in my stomach like it's happening all over again.  I'm so glad your hubby finally opened up and talked about Fluffy.  What a relief that had to be!  I feel very fortunate that my husband feels the same as I do... he's been my rock.  Don't feel like you ever rattle on!  This is something I definitely understand.
 
Lori, I know, it's hard for me to believe it's been a year already.  Thank you for saying she hasn't been forgotten [].  One of these days, I'll be with my little girl again.  In the meantime, I hope she's doing all the things she always loved to do to pass the time.