shamrockmommy
Posted : 5/20/2010 11:34:54 PM
Dear Gobie,
I miss you, it's been 17 days since you left us. This last year we had come to a compromise. You wore a belly band and had quite a selection of them. If you peed, it was no longer a big deal. We grew even closer. I loved you more when I was no longer upset about pee everywhere.
I am sorry your last year healthwise was tough. I hope you had a good life. I cried today for you. I didn't know I would miss you so much, you were such a pain, I always said when you were gone, life would be easier, but now that you're gone, life is different, a bit empty.
Lexi and Darby and I are getting back on our feet. We are finding a new normal. They spent several days cuddled together in their crate. They didn't know how to ask to get outside or inside without you to do your wiggle circle bark. They are both fidning their own way though, Lexi fake-barks at me and wags her tail, Darby will sit with her butt to the corner of the door and stare. Coming back in, only Lexi has figured that out, she will dig at the door. Darby will wait and wait until I remember she's out there.
They didn't lick their food bowls clean. They left crumbs, maybe for you. They are now spit-shining them just the way you did. They also discovered they can blitz without you stopping them. They will also play with me more with toys- again without you bossing inbetween and telling them to break it up LOL.
Thank you for taking the kids' socks that day. I needed to know you were ok, and it seems you are. I hope I was an ok mom. Thank you for teaching me all the things I needed to know about dogs. I wish I had caught on a little faster though! Now I understand that you were tough (pain in the...) because you had to be to get through to me. You were a blessing and you have forever changed me, for that I thank you.
I found an adorable metal garden art dog today. He is red, like you, so I put him in the middle of my newly planted herb garden. I planted it deeply in grief, so that I could do something with that grief-energy. I also planted it with love, so I hope it grows well.
I am not sure if this is at all useful but I needed a place to put it all into words. I went to the spca today to look at dogs. None of them said they were the 'one' but there was a red minpin girl who made a big fuss over me and asked for a neck rub, just like you did. I have been stuck on 'i need another dog!!!' and I realize that maybe I don't, maybe I need to get reaquainted with just L and D and listen for the right dog at the right time. I'll wait for the insistance, not a whim or an impulse.
I'll forever miss you, and forever love you.
Mommy.