Ivan's story LONG

Rainbow Bridge

The Rainbow Bridge is the theme of a work of poetic prose written some time between 1980 and 1992, whose original creator is unknown. The theme is of an other-worldly place to which a pet goes upon its death, eventually to be reunited with its owner.
    • Gold Top Dog

    Ivan's story LONG

    This is a hard story for me to tell.  I don't know that I'll do it well.  I mention Ivan often enough in my posts, however, that I feel I should put it all out there. 

    Ivan the Terrible was a bad dog. Awful.  He earned that nickname.  He was also my best teacher, and a huge piece of my heart is missing, with him gone. In 2005, at the age of 3, Ivan was euthanized for aggression issues. I have never doubted the wisdom of that choice, even though I want to scream at the universe for his death. 

    It all began with a puppy - Sasha.  When Sasha was 6 months old, we decided to add another pup.  The shelter had a litter of abadoned puppies that were 7 weeks old.  12 puppies who had been found in a drainage ditch at 5 weeks old.  They all looked identical, the only variations being how much black on the muzzle or how much white on the chest. 

    Ivan was a CUTE puppy. 
    http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL241/1522968/17369343/269754282.jpg
    http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL241/1522968/17369343/269753870.jpg

    From the first day, Ivan was different.  I was new to dog ownership, and I didn't see the red flags.  Ivan bonded immediately to Sasha.http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL241/1522968/17369343/269754275.jpg
    He ignored us.  Completely.  I'd take a treat out of a bag, wave it in front of him to get his attention, and he'd go sit near the bag.  It was as if we humans were totally irrelevant.  He didn't seek human affection. I hand fed him for a week, until he started acknowledging my existance.

    Ivan was extensively socialized, and none of it took.  I was riding horses twice a week at a friend's ranch, and she had all sorts of animals.  Sasha made friends with the goat and a baby horse.  She'd frolic and play with them.  Ivan screamed when she did.  We had cats, and Ivan never saw them as anything but suspicious and potentially tasty.  He was hard to train, but we simply put in the extra hours.  He won awards at puppy class.  At under a year, he was one test short of passing his CGC test.  (He whined and argued during the tie-up and walk away test. He was a noisy boy) At first I thought he was dumb, but our trainer pointed out that he was stubborn, not dumb.  He'd work twice as hard to avoid a command as complete it.  He might down instead of sit, or do this awkward crouch instead of down. 

    Still, things were well.  The dogs were best friends, and if we had a stubborn hound, so be it.  As he grew, he developed a few problem habits.  He was a leash puller, and very strong.  He'd take off after something (like a neighbor's cat) and I could barely contain him.  We bought a prong after he almost dragged me down a hill.  The first few times on the prong, he threw fits.  Tantrums.  He screamed so loudly I was sure neighbors were going top call AC.  He spun in mad circles, pulled at our clothes and punctured skin through my husband's pants. He would go nuts. 

    So we tried head collars.  He quickly found a way to brace his head to the side and keep on pulling. Back to the prong, as his dramatics.You'd think by this description he was a dominant dog, but he was also nervous and fearful.  He'd scream if he felt threatened - if Sasha corrected him, or a vet gave a shot.  Sasha was always the one to step up and assess any outside "threat."  He hung back, anxiously.  Its as though he wanted to be in charge, but couldn't handle the job.

    By 6 months old, he had alienated his former puppy playmates at the dog park.  He was too rough.  He was vocal and scary sounding when he and Sasha played, but he'd always been loud.  I took the general advice not to interfere unless there was blood.  The dogs were crate trained, followed house rules, and were exercised every day.  From puppyhood, it was pure NILF until you proved you were mature enough to get a little slack. I don't claim to have done everything perfectly. I made mistakes. All the same, we weren't hapless owners without a clue. 

    When Ivan was 15 months old, he attacked Sasha in the backyard. There was the tiniest bit of posturing, and WHAM he was on her.  Luckily I was there, and he hated water, because I was able to get him off and hold him off with the hose.  He wanted to come back for more, but I pushed Sasha behind me and got her inside the house.  She needed stitches for a bite to the shoulder.  We were concerned, but kept an eye on them.  Things seemed normal.  A month later, he flipped out again.  Another trip to the vet, and more stitches.  The fights were terrifying, and it was clear both times that he was out for blood.  He went off so quickly, and with so little warning.

    Our vet referred us to a trainer who specialized in aggressive and dominat dogs.  This man was amazing.  He came out and did an evaulation of the dogs.  He said that Sasha had excellent dog communication, and should have been the dog in charge.  As for Ivan, he tongue in cheek remarked, "Ivan makes bad decisions."  His advice was that in order to manage Ivan, he needed to be under control 24/7.  If he weren't crated, leashed, or confined, he needed to be under a voice command.  Ivan was willing to bite the trainer, but the trainer knew what he was doing and it didn't happen. We began private obedience lessons with the trainer, and graduated towards particiaption in his advanced obediance classes.  For the next year and a half, we managed Ivan and kept up with training.  We had baby, and life was pretty much baby and Ivan.  Our house was full of crates, x-pends and cages. It was ugly! He needed to be contained, but we were determined to keep him integrated into the family.  Wherever we were, he was there.

    Still, as he matured, it was clear he would take any inch he was given.  He was a runner, and he'd bolt for the door.  There were times he didn't want to obey a command, and he'd give me a steely eyed look that sent shivers down my spine.  So much of handling Ivan involved walking on eggshells.  You couldn't afford not to pay attention to whatever signals he was throwing.

    Then one Weds, just after he turned 3, I noticed he was being slow to respond to commands.  It was a small delay, but significant coming from Ivan.  I vowed to take extra time for training on Sat., and start going to classes on Sunday again.  By Friday, he was refusing commands outright.  I don't know how to describe it, and how scary it was.  If you've never seen a dog look at you with that look - the one that means he is 5-10 seconds away from tearing off your face - I'm not sure I can explain.  In two days, two days of careful management and extra attention, he had gone absolutely out of control.  Terrifying.  It wasn't that he wouldn't listen at all, or that he running amuck.  It was just that it was clear our word was no longer final, and that itself was highly dangerous.

    We knew we couldn't keep him safely - that it was a matter of WHEN he hurt or killed something or someone, not IF.  We might even have managed to go years without a serious incident, but sooner or later someone would make a mistake.  Something as simple as a door opened by accident.  If we had been childless and free of other pets, we would have kept him until he died of old ag, even if it cramped our social life. But we aren't.  I had a friend involved on the sidelines of rescue, and she was sure there was a home for him out there.  A friend of hers who worked in rescue told her what we already knew - with his history, Ivan wasn't adoptable.  He hated strange people, he hated all dogs except Sasha.  He hated large livestock, and saw anything medium to small as a possible lunch.  In short, Ivan hated everyone but his immediate family, and he was willing to hurt us. 

    Saturday morning, my husband and I did the hardest thing we've ever done in our lives.  We had our baby killed.  I had to go on antidepressants, and tears are flowing as I type this.  I loved that dog, and I still miss him.  He had wonderful qualities.  He was a terrible dog, but lovable and even loving. 

    I miss you, you ***.

    My handsome boy -http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL241/1522968/17369343/269753933.jpg
    Vicious baby eater -http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL241/1522968/17369343/269753927.jpg
    Vicious baby kisser -http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL241/1522968/17369343/269753909.jpg
    Cuddle bunny -http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL241/1522968/17369343/269753915.jpg
    I still love you Sasha, sorry about the stitches -http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL241/1522968/17369343/269753873.jpg
    Practicing his sit on his last morning -http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL241/1522968/17369343/269753891.jpg
    And his down -http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL241/1522968/17369343/269753901.jpg


    • Gold Top Dog
    That's a very sad story, but it sounds like you did for Ivan all you could.  At least now he can run and play without worrying about hurting anyone or anything.
    • Bronze
    Such a sad story you did everything you possable could
    do for Ivan .  Katy
    • Gold Top Dog
    Because I have been in a similar situation with a pet, I share your pain.  I had to call AC on a cat of mine named Ebony because I became homeless due to the loss of my job.  I had nowhere to go with my kids and my cat Ebony.  Noone would help.  I cried as AC came to my house the day of my eviction.  I knew that surrendered cats were immediately put down.  It hurt me to my heart when I said good-bye.

    Years have past and I have totally turned my life around.  Gone are the days of wondering where I'm going to lay my head.  I think about Ebony often and the guilt has never subsided. 
     
    You know you did the best thing for Ivan and your family.  He was loved.  Thank you for sharing your story.
    • Gold Top Dog
    When Sasha was 6 months old, we decided to add another pup.


    We all learn from each dog, and I'm sorry that you couldn't save Ivan, despite your best intentions.  As I see it, the real problem was that he was away from his dam and from the litter way too early, then placed in a home with another puppy, so no adult dog to tell him off for being obnoxious, or to teach him canine language.  The shelter did the best they could, probably, because homes aren't always easy to find, and holding out for a home with an adult dog for this puppy might have put other dogs at the shelter at risk.  When I advise people not to raise littermates if they can help it, and not to let pups go to homes before 8 weeks, these are the situations I am trying to avoid.  Now, that doesn't mean that it can't be done, but as we see here, if a dog comes hardwired with some propensities for fear/ aggression/dominance, and is bonding to another dog, not a human, and is lacking in bite inhibition, that is not an ideal combination.  And, it isn't something that is always helped even by the best efforts of a truly compassionate and caring dog owner like you.  Sometimes, it's simply genetics, the luck of the draw, or a combination of negatives that no one could have foreseen as a problem.  You should never beat yourself up for doing what you did.  This dog had what many dogs never do, if even for a short time, and that is a loving family who cared enough for him to do the training, management, and socialization that they thought he needed.  You did the best you could with what you had at the time, and I'm sure that when you and Sasha all finally get to Rainbow Bridge, Ivan will be there to meet you - and you will all have the heart dog that should have been yours here. A difficult situation, but one that we all need to remember.  Ivan can teach us the importance of knowing what we're up against when we rescue - and how it can go wrong without any one person or occurrence being at fault.
    I'm very sorry you had to lose Ivan this way, but you are to be commended for going the extra mile before making such a hard decision.  <<>>
    • Gold Top Dog
    Spiritdogs, one of the mistakes we made was getting two dogs that were still puppies.  I had never heard of littermate problems, nor at the time did I know there was very good reason NOT to get two puppies.  I won't be doing that again.  But despite living with an older puppy, Ivan was exposed to older dogs all the time.  At least twice a week he was at the ranch, with Sasha and my friend's two adult dogs who are good dog role models.  When he was old enough, we went to the dog park every single day, and played with adult dogs as well as other puppies.  He was always deferential to the grownups. Shouldn't that have helped?  I don't know. I welcome your thoughts. I'm not saying that getting two dogs so close in age was the right thing to do - it wasn't.  Nor will I ever take in a young dog that was taken from its mom so early.  I feel bad saying that, but its true. 

    And FWIW, the shelter we adopted both dogs from was a well-funded no-kill shelter with an excellent reputation where I used to volunteer. That had the resources to keep the puppies together.  I've since learned that their reputation is not so excellent among animal professionals (vet techs, other rescue orgs.  They are PR masters.

    The story above is pretty wa-wa-wa, but I feel so much better for having gotten it out.  I've avoided dealing with my grief.  Too painful.  I'm finally ready to process it and let go a little.  I have a scrapbook and a box full of Ivan stuff that I have never touched.  I meant to make a scrapbook about him, but I couldn't handle it. 

    Despite his mental issues, Ivan had so many wonderful qualities.  He was smart, goofy, and calm in the house once he'd had his exercise.  He smelled good, not doggy.  And he loved us, too.  To his endless credit, he never ate one of our cats, despite the fact that they looked so tasty. ;)  That was a big sacrifice on his part. [sm=lol.gif]


    • Gold Top Dog
    That's such a sad story. He sure was a beautiful boy.
    • Bronze
    Ivan was stunning and stately.  What a prestigious looking pup.  Your sharing of such a painful and extraordinary experience with him will serve others...
     
    Peace...
    • Gold Top Dog
    Thanks to everyone for their kind words.  Writing it all out has been cathartic. 

    He really was a gift, in many ways.  He taught me so much.  Despite my sadness, I'm thankful to have known him.
    • Gold Top Dog
    I have a scrapbook and a box full of Ivan stuff that I have never touched. I meant to make a scrapbook about him, but I couldn't handle it.


    Don't worry, you will someday.  My BF bought me a scrap book for my birthday, among other things, and he found some pics of Dancer to put in.  I went and found the rest and put them in, too.  Instead of tears, there was joy at the miracle of having known such a dog - a true gift.  But then, they all are, even the ones we can't save.