Dog Community

Sorry i can`t do it

Posted : 6/11/2007 1:35:19 AM

I have a real problem here. Fluffy the dog that I had before Molly died at the vets office 30 min. after we left the last time. She had been there many many many times before trying to find out what was wrong with her and they didn`t know what it was. Money was no object if we could bring Fluffy home. Well we did not get to do that (bring her home alive ) (money wise they got it). I feel so guilty that I was not there when she passed but the vet said she was going to do this and that and everything would be OK. Well it did not end up ok. No we did not have her cut up to find out why. Hey she just died wastn`t that enough to go through at that time. Well now I trying to find out on my own what happen. Why she died.
She quite eating, but would drink. Then she quite eating unless I gave her people food like chicken and rice mix that the vet said to give her. Then she quite eating that too. BUT I want to add that she had a very hard time breathing as you could hear her breath and the vet knew that. This is going to get really bad but (as I`m crying typing this she could breath better sitting up then she could laying down. Many trips to the vet and I told them what was going on. Sent her home with meds.

I`m such a horrible mother as she looked at me saying mom I can`t go thru this anymore. I agreed with my poor Fluffy but dad so wanted her to get better so bad he would not relent. I will have to live with that the rest of my life.

I guess this one of those things you have to live with. Or at least try to. If somone could make the tears go away and make your heart whole again. Well I guess thats going to be Mollys job. And she is doing a good job too. But.... Fluff was the 100% dog. Loved kids and adults, any other dog no matter how small or large, no aggressive at all for anything. Fluffy I know your are at the bridge and I will meet you there someday but hey there are alot of kittes and puppies there right now. Look up Muffin, Scooter, Bandit, Ginger, Buffy, Susie, Sally, Sam, Smokey, Rusty.

If my spelling is off thats just me sorry,

Susan Chandler

Posted : 6/11/2007 8:29:03 AM

OH my heart goes out to you.[X(] I just know this pain. Please give yourself time and don't beat yourself up for not being able to help her pass as you wanted. Know that there are reasons for things we simply cannot (and should not) understand at that moment. Easy for me to say, I know but I have been there and it was with my mother that I was there in the same position as you. Talk about having to live with something. Realize just that if it had been your choice alone, you would have done it differently and also know that Fluffy KNOWS that. She knows what a wonderful, caring and loving momma you were. My prayers follow you. Take very special care,

Sue

JoAnnDe

Posted : 6/11/2007 9:29:54 AM

Hi - I wish I could take this pain away for you. I responded to the thread on heartworm symptoms but I'm going to say it again. Fluffy knows you loved her and that you tried so very hard for her. And I know guilt - believe me, I KNOW guilt. You had a really crappy series of events without real closure, and I understand your need to know WHY. I beat myself up about Michelle big time - why didn't I see the changes in her behavior sooner ? why did I write everything off to "old age" ? She had been to the vet for chronic coughing (like Fluffy) and she had bloodwork, heartworm testing, and xrays. He told me it was congestive heart failure and put her on a ton of meds. The coughing didn't go away so we went to the cardiologist - she had broncitis ! And her coughing had nothing to do with how she died - she ended up with a brain tumor we suspect. Could I have done more ? Yes, probably. Did I feel guilty ?? You bet - in fact I'm just now starting to get over it because I can see the BEAUTY in her life now, rather than only the sadness. Once I started focusing on her life rather than her death a calm came over me which took away the guilt.

I know I gave her a wonderful life, I know she LOVED being with me, and sharing my life with me - I know she had the best care, given what I knew then. I can celebrate her life now - I don't know if she ever had any negative feelings about me, but if she did I know she's forgiven me, and I know she's waiting to see me again just as I'm waiting to see her again. And I'm sure all the same is true of Fluffy.

cakana

Posted : 6/11/2007 1:02:24 PM

I too know how painful the guilt can be. I had a cat that I loved dearly. I came home from work and noticed she hadn't eaten and just look like she didn't feel well. I took her to the vet and they said it was her teeth and she needed a cleaning. She was only 7, but they did bloodwork to check everything anyway. I felt safer knowing she was healthy enough for the surgery. She never did come home from that treatment. She couldn't shake the anesthesia and after 2 days with the vet and IV liquids, she had a siezure and passed away. I was overcome with guilt and questions as to "why?". I will never know why it happened, but like you, I know in my heart that I loved her dearly and only wanted to take care of her. Fluffy knew that you loved her too and wanted only the best for her. I'm sorry you're going thru this and hope that soon the feelings of grief and sadness will be replaced by your wonderful memories of her. Be kind to yourself during this difficult time.

mollymoo

Posted : 6/11/2007 11:02:47 PM

Thanks for the replies. Mollys birthday is this Saturday. What a happy day that will be. I going to even make her a doggie birthday cake.

But then not long after that date is Fluffys 1 year anniversary of her going to the Rainbow Bridge. The closer it gets to that day the worse I feel and the more that I think of her and her last weeks being sick. I do remember the good times. I just wish I could forget the end times.

Amitiel

Posted : 6/12/2007 12:35:28 PM

I feel your pain too & I cry with you