Dog Community

My Michelle

Posted : 5/17/2007 12:10:16 PM

Its been four months since Michelle went to the bridge and I finally (maybe) have the strength to write about her.

In January 1996 I went to the shelter "just looking" and came home with a Border Collie mix.   She just wasn't the right match and three days later I was back at the shelter, heartbroken and crying.   They kept my number and a week later called me about a sweet 2 year old Cocker Spaniel that had been brought in the night before.   My husband was adamant that we wouldn't be getting a dog - in fact, he erased the shelters message from the answering machine at home before I could hear it. Little did he know that they had also called me at work. I immediately left the office and went to the shelter to meet Michelle.
Michelle was cowering under a table in the main lobby of the shelter, tethered to a chair.   When I approached she immediately wet herself in a submissive pee. She was FILTHY and hadn't been groomed in so long that her feet looked like giant furry snowshoes.    Her eyes spoke volumes - they said "I'll love you".    I gave her a big hug and off we went.
On the way home, Michelle in the back, we got stuck in traffic for about 10 minutes. While the car was stopped she put her sweet head between the bucket seats and rested her head on my shoulder.   She was the sweetest dog I've ever met and she owns half my heart.
My husband soon decided that the "no dog" rule was a really stupid idea.   The three of us had 11 wonderful years together.   On January 1 2007 Michelle suddendly started to lose her balance and fall, she became lost in corners, she wouldn't sleep.   My vet suspected a brain tumor but I was hoping it was "only" Canine Cognitive Dysfunction (CCD). After 3 weeks on medicationsthere was no improvement and her falling was getting worse. I couldn't bear to see her in such mental agony.   On January 20th, 11 years to the day that she entered our lives, we helped her over the bridge.
I still miss her, still talk to her, and still kiss her photo which hangs on the fridge every morning and every evening.   I'm crying as I write this, the pain is still there - but there are so many happy memories which also bring a smile to my face.
My Michelle - run free sweetheart, you'll always be mommy's first baby.

BJW

Posted : 5/17/2007 1:03:05 PM

Joann - You have certainly helped me this week with your posts, since I#%92ve made the agonizing decision to have Lilly put down. As sweet as Michelle was, you will have wonderful memories. I know that this maybe too soon (because it was for me) but are you going to consider another dog? To be honest, I was really surprised that was the first thing my 13 year old asked, “When can we get another dog”. I talked with the vet yesterday and he said that is very healthy that my son wants to continue to love animals and that there was not a negative impact on him in regard to Lilly#%92s passing. He said some people (like me on Monday), put a shield up about never having another pet because they don#%92t want to experience the loss again, if it arises. My heart still aches because it is still fresh…You and I (and EVERYONE on this board) have to give ourselves credit for being such loving, caring and compassionate people for loving our pets as much as we do. I know that Lilly knew I loved her…she was happy, despite the pain that she was in. That is why it was difficult for me to have her put down; because she was so happy…I thought that her happiness over-rid her pain. I don#%92t think that I could have been any better to her and I am coming to grips that I did what was best for HER; not what was best for me…and you did the same for Michelle. May we heal together! And thanks for being there for me earlier this week when I needed the support and guidance from someone who understood how I was feeling.

JoAnnDe

Posted : 5/17/2007 1:42:33 PM

Lilly's story is actually one of the things that prompted me to finally post about Michelle's passing. I felt as guilty as you did / do, so I understand everything you've said. It took me some time to come to grips with the decision.

I have many many wonderful memories, and after the pain subsides a bit you'll remember Lilly with a great big smile also.

I remember the day after I brought Michelle home - she was SO dirty. She didn't want to get into the bathtub - until I got in there. Then she couldn't contain herself and came right on in to have a bath with me.

I remember how she LOVED the extra large Milk Bones - she was a 35 lb cocker spaniel and carried MilkBones made for St Bernards LOL. She would carry them with her everywhere, and only ate them after they got accidentally stepped on and broken by my husband or I.

I remember how she would cry at the door when she saw snow outside - she LOVED buring those MilkBones in the snow.

I remember how she "gave hugs" when I squatted on the floor - coming up and putting her paws on my shoulders and pressing the side of her face to mine.

As for having another dog .... well .... I already do LOL. The house was SO empty, SO barren, SO LIFELESS without Michelle. I work from home and thought I would lose my own mind. 8 days after Michelle's

assing a little poodle mix turned up on petfinder.com. Something told me to go meet her. Her name is Prancer (her pic is my avatar). In some ways it was too soon but I knew that I could love another - and having her here has helped my recovery so dramatically; she's a blessing and I love her dearly. She's my little fluffernutter. If I had it to do over again I'd make the same decision; I don't regret for a moment having another little one to care for and love.

If you want to talk and work through your feelings more in depth feel free to PM me. I've been in your shoes.

bragg1120

Posted : 5/17/2007 3:28:42 PM

JoAnn, I just wanted to give you my condolences. I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds as if Michelle had such a wonderful life with you! Your description of her being filthy and scared when you first saw her -- reminds me soooo much of FeFe. When she came walking toward me, her fur was matted in knots and she was nasty but her face was so sweet... I just felt something special with her. Just as you did with Michelle.

I also remember hoping for her illness to be this or that... or thinking once we took her to Virginia Tech that THEY would be able to do something to help her. I had my hopes up so much by the time they told me what it was, I was beyond crushed. I felt as if I couldn't function. My husband and I miss her everyday.... there are things that Trixie does now that reminds us both of Fe. At first, that brought on the water works because of how much we missed seeing FeFe do all these little funny things. Now when we reminisce about her, there are more smiles and laughter and less tears (although the tears can come anytime - when we least expect it) I hope that one day soon, you'll have more laughter and smiles when you think of Michelle. She was a gorgeous girl.

Run Free, Michelle [sm=angel.gif]

ETA:

The house was SO empty, SO barren, SO LIFELESS without Michelle. I work from home and thought I would lose my own mind

That is EXACTLY how we felt. We still had Gracie but she's so much of a loner... and even SHE was depressed, much more so than we ever anticipated. We found Gracie laying under tables or in places that FeFe would always take a nap. Trixie came into our lives -- immediately, she kissed me on the nose (something FeFe always did) and when I took her home for DH to meet her, she did the same to him. It just seemed like she was meant to be with us and I have no doubt that Fe had a paw in on that [

]

By the way.... the milkbone story is very cute [

]

JoAnnDe

Posted : 5/17/2007 5:08:36 PM

Here's a photo of My Moo-Moo with one of her hugh Milkbones. She was approximately 7 or 8 in this photo

sharismom

Posted : 5/18/2007 8:16:42 AM

I'm sorry for your loss. Run free Michelle...[sm=angel.gif]

gradyupmybutt

Posted : 5/18/2007 5:26:33 PM

Run free, Michelle!!

jessies_mom

Posted : 5/18/2007 10:44:39 PM

She was so lucky to have found you. I'm so sorry for your loss. Run Free Michelle [sm=angel.gif]

JoAnnDe

Posted : 5/21/2007 8:50:36 AM

Thanks everyone. Its weird - even tho I kiss her photo 2x every day when I open this thread the tears start to flow .... I guess it's making me realize that she's really gone.

bragg1120

Posted : 5/21/2007 9:25:17 AM

What a precious photo! That milkbone was HUGE! I think it's adorable that she'd carry it around until someone broke it... reminds me of the dog we had when I was still at home.

Sam LOVED to go fishing with us and most of the time, we fished with weenies (blue gill will go for anything, even the hook alone) and we'd give him his own weenie that he'd carry around like a cigar for most of the day. I think he's the only one that would carry around food for a while... all my girls wolf it down immediately.

There will be better days ahead, JoAnn. Your life was made better just by having Michelle in it.

JoAnnDe

Posted : 5/21/2007 12:59:19 PM

Missy , the image of your dog walking around with his weeny cigar had me laughing.
Our lives are so Blessed to be sharing them with our dogs and the memories we build last a lifetime - in that way they are never really gone.
(and yes, I'm tearing up again .... I really thought I was healed ... guess not)

bragg1120

Posted : 5/22/2007 10:23:26 AM

I really thought I was healed ... guess not

Actually, I don't know if any of us will ever be fully 'healed'. It was a while before I was able to make it through a full day without crying after Fe passed away. Dad and I still talk about Sam and he's been gone for 15 years... those memories make us laugh. Sam was a character! He'd hobble around on three legs to get attention and if that didn't work... he manage to hobble on two and as soon as he got what he wanted, he'd run away on all fours lol

DH and I have something reminding us of FeFe almost on a daily basis... most of the time we smile or laugh but there are still moments it makes me cry because I miss the simple, day to day stuff.

They're never completely gone... the memories we have are very precious!

mollymoo

Posted : 5/22/2007 11:31:57 PM

I am so very sorry for your loss of Michelle. What a sweet looking pup she is. I love all Cocker Spaniels. Michelle is playing with my dearest Buffy my Cocker Spaniel also at the bridge. I know Michelle and Buffy are best friends by now too. Prayers are coming your way.

willowchow

Posted : 6/5/2007 9:41:17 PM

Well, I'm late again. How I missed this I don't know. She was beautiful JoAnn, just so shiney and she had such a great color. I'm glad I saw this post because I've been wondering what she looked like.

I'm sorry for your loss. I know someday it's going to be my turn and I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it. It won't be pretty. But, you do have 11 wonderful years of memories and I pray that I'm that blessed.

Lori

tacran

Posted : 6/6/2007 12:20:16 AM

Your words in Michelle's memory are beautiful and heartfelt. Most of us who've had to say goodbye to a beloved dog understand how you're feeling and how hard it is to even type about an absent furbaby, never mind speak of them or think about them too long.

We lost our dog almost 18 months ago, and I still have days where I can't contain my grief. Just a few weeks ago I ran into an acquaintance I hadn't seen in a couple years, and she didn't even know our dog had been ill. I knew she'd ask about him (she's a dog lover, too), so I braced myself for her eventual question. I was able to get through almost the whole story of his final months without choking up, but I struggled at the end. So, as Missy said, the pain never really goes away - there are moments when it comes to the surface again. You're still in early stages of adjustment -- 11 years of having someone with you is a long time to have to "un-do" routines and habits, etc.

The photos you posted are precious - beautiful, curly ears, golden fur. A sweet and pretty girl. [sm=angel.gif]

My Michelle

Rainbow Bridge

My Michelle