my son died. i say he was my son because i raised him from a 6 week old tiny pup to the giant 4 pounder he grew up to be. he died from CHF last week. Within one day, he fell ill and couldnt breathe. up until that day, he was his regular self. i have no one to talk to about this- i am/was? totally obsessed with my dog. he was my reason for living. his little head next to mine on the pillow (he slept like a human) made waking up worth it. as a depressed person who has a hard time as it is, my dog was the light of my life. when he got diagnosed i worked only parttime so i could be with him more because i knew he wasnt going to live much longer. a year and a half later, he died.
i had 15 and half years with him, and i know how lucky i am. i know he is in heaven. i know i was the best mom i could be. even with the medication, i knew he was going to die. but it was so hard putting him down. he was such a little man!
i cant go on anymore to anyone about my dog dying. no one understands.
my friend told me grief is experienced differently with each person, and i dont think even us dog lovers, knows the connections we have with our pets. i am not one for being a burden to anyone so i am pretty much hiding behind a false face right now. but still crying at the weirdest times. images of his face or his perky ears, or his tiny feet just come at me. yesterday it was that i was never going to sit in the sun with him again. its just so weird.
the worst thing is that i have a house full of animals here with me and i am
so upset about peewee that i cant deal with them. the other dogs (all chis)
are kind and loving, but not anything compared to peewee was to me- my chis are my dogs- my son was my companion. i feel so guilty about it. when i get frustrated with them i feel even worse. we all sit and watch tv and there is a big hole where peewee was. i am walking around with a big hole in myself. i dont feel it is going to go away. i feel like a zombie. i am taking my medication and going to work and doing what i need to do. but i am dying inside. i miss my dog. thanks for listening. this board has been so great, helping me when peewee was diagnosed with CHF and also with my other toy Lucie who has hepatitis. thanks again. here is a picture of my boy.
