a dog's mourning

For me, I make them as much a part of the grieving process as possible. I talk about Rainbow Bridge A LOT. I talk about the animals who have passed (and whom they have SEEN dead so they understand I'm talking about animals no longer here).

When I finally had to take Foxy up to Dr. Bailey for his final journey to Rainbow Bridge, Billy went WITH me. I talked to the Fox the entire way, asking him to go "find" Muffin, Prissy and all my old friends.

Billy wasn't actually in the room with us, but I told him to "say bye to Foxy 'cos he's going over Rainbow Bridge" (YES, I did too say that). Billy knows Foxy went in that room with Pink Lamb and his bed.

Just to add -- I asked Dr. Bailey to give Foxy valium first and then the shot of the pink stuff (as we'd done previously) and I held my old boy. He was completely and utterly asleep and after a 3-4 minutes Dr. Bailey put the needle of the pink stuff into the cathether (he'd been sick, the catheter was already in previously in this case).

4Hand -- I am as serious as I can be. The INSTANT that pink stuff touched that catheter (he hadn't even finished injecting it) Foxy's 4 feet began to move. By the time the pink stuff cleared the catheter, all 4 of his feets/toes were ... there is no other word for this ... RUNNING.

This is a dog who had been completely and utterly UNABLE to even stand for a week -- he was far too weak to do anything.

The vet - not an inexperienced man -- just said "O ... M ... G ... Mrs. Kennedy, I'm sorry, but do you SEE that? He's not distressed -- look at his face. He's running TO something? He IS ... running TO ... not from."

I knew what Foxy was seeing – all his friends. The vet was really quite freaked – he said to me "Mrs. Kennedy I have never, in all my years, seen what we just saw. If I weren’t already the type of person who believed in something beyond this life, I would seriously have to re-consider. But HE KNEW where he was going ... that wasn’t mere muscle spasming. You DO see that occasionally ... those weren’t random spasms – he was going somewhere specific. Wow."

My point isn’t to try to convince anyone of anything – but I think they have as much cognizance as you allow them to have.

When I got back with Billy he was ready to go. But we brought him in where Foxy was and Billy was like "Let’s go - Fox isn’t here anymore".

I have on many occasions in the past (absolutely any time possible) had my dogs always view the deceased. And without fail, they go, they sniff and they simply accept that the essence of their friend isn’t there anymore.

But I’ve NEVER had a problem with dogs "looking" for the other. They *know*. I prepare them, and then let them see the fact and it simply allows them to then grieve.

They DO grieve. Billy DID grieve for Foxy. They were very close (Foxy *chose* Billy – without a doubt, we adopted Billy because Foxy indicated he was THE one.). But it wasn’t an inconsolable grief. Billy knew Foxy was FINE with it – he was ready. Because Billy was ok with it, Luna was.

IN honesty, I wouldn’t ever do it any differently. I think it allows them a sense of closure. They *Know* where the other animal went – they smell death on a dog far far before WE know it’s time. But they can also tell, because of their sense of smell, what the dog’s emotional state was prior to death.

If it was a messy traumatic death? I’d probably evaluate the whole thing differently.

But even when we lost Pollyanna (a little bitch puppy we took who had been horribly abused) -- she died after 3 months of valiantly trying to overcome her injuries, but she died of a stroke from a leftover bloodclot apparently – they knew she was gone. They never had to think we just "left" her somewhere.

I have ALWAYS allowed the rest of the pack to see and smell the dog who has crossed. It helps them understand and have closure.  friends of ours have Mastiffs and they felt that the Dead dog should be disposed of as quickly as possible.  Their dogs have exhibited prolonged periods of grief.  Going off of food and pacing or demanding many ,many trips outside for no apparent reason ( I think they are seeking the lost dog)  My pack is quiet and subdued for a few days but they still eat enough and are emotionally responsive. In the past we have burried our lost ones in our yard under the Rhodie Oak.  We have world class diggers but they have never tried to unearth the body. And RRs will roll in the most disgusting things, dead fish and armadillos baby diapers. etc...  But the burial spot is always respected without a fence or other deterrant. Give a dog a chance to sort things out and they are healthier and able to process. Deny them the logical and simple answer and they will have to search for it.

I have a pack of 8 as a general rule. we are now down to a pack of 6. It isn't simply death that causes a dog stress, when my foundation bitch had her first litter her breeder was promised a puppy back as part of her purchase price.  He picked up that pup and felt it would be easier on her if he snuck it out to the car and left.... WRONG ... she jumped the fence and chased his van for almost 5 miles before I could catch up and collect her.  from that time on we made sure she saw her Da hand the puppy to the family and later the grandpuppy to the family. She would be annoyed but accepted it without conflict or chasing the sucker down !

Why would we assume they do not feel as deeply or understand the mortal coil?

Bonita of Bwana

Its my belief that dogs do grieve.  Unlike humans, though, they move on faster.  Unless, we humans cannot seem to let go...then I believe the dog senses that and will continue to be depressed, etc.

The most recent death of a furbaby in August of 2007, was the loss of Codycoe, tragically.  We found her drowned in our backyard pool.  Buddy and Heidi both felt my panic immediately and started barking and running in circles.  I put those two in their kennels so I could deal with Cody.

DH and I buried her immediately and I wished that I would have let her lay in place on the deck for a while to let the other two sniff her....hindsight.

But, they knew she was gone.  And, we did allow them to sniff the place where she laid; and I did talk to them about it...you know: "Cody is gone now", etc.  So, I feel they were able to get a little bit of closure.

Dogs have some way of relating to death.  And I think they know the body doesn't have anything to do with the one that's gone.  I believe, therefore, that their understanding of death transcends space.  Twice I've witnessed the pack (or some within it) react to the moment of death occuring elsewhere.  Once, to a dog we'd given a home to for several years, but who went back to his home farm when the time came.  And a second time when the breeder/trainer/owner of several dogs we had, passed away suddenly in the night.

On that occasion, everyone in the house was awakened when several of our dogs lifted their heads and started howling quietly at once - same soft pitch, like a wolf song.  It went on for a few moments, then they all laid their heads down and went to sleep again.  None of our other dogs took any notice other than to look at the howlers.  The guard dogs weren't even barking.  I looked at the clock and went to sleep again.

An hour and a half later, the phone rang and it was the wife of my trainer.  "He's gone!" she said.  He'd had a chronic form of cancer for a while, but ironically he'd felt better the last week, so his death felt rather sudden.  And he'd left an hour and a half ago, the exact time that I believe all the dogs whose lives he'd touched, sounded a salute at the moment he "saw face to face."

That is beautiful; and amazing.  There is so much more to life and energy than we really know.

Thank you everyone for your thoughtfull replies.I've always felt it important to allow a dog to view a deceased pack member.Callie,I think the wisdom you showed to explain and include Billy in Foxy's passing was a wonderfull kindness to both dogs.Bonita, I have three graves on my property and they have never been disturbed either.Becca, about the howling, that happened here too when my sheepdog passed.The remaining two terriers howeled for about five minutes untill they were allowed outside to view the body.They knew he was gone even though they could not see him from inside.CoBuHe,I have been fortunate in that all my dogs have lived to old age and nothing so traumatic as a drowning has happened I can't imagine how hard that must have been.Thank you all for sharing your memories of very painful times.I am hoping for at least four more years with Jewel but I anticipate her death will be profound as she is my "Heart Dog".......Must go find Kleenex now

Tena

brookcove

Dogs have some way of relating to death.  And I think they know the body doesn't have anything to do with the one that's gone.  I believe, therefore, that their understanding of death transcends space.  Twice I've witnessed the pack (or some within it) react to the moment of death occuring elsewhere.  Once, to a dog we'd given a home to for several years, but who went back to his home farm when the time came.  And a second time when the breeder/trainer/owner of several dogs we had, passed away suddenly in the night.

On that occasion, everyone in the house was awakened when several of our dogs lifted their heads and started howling quietly at once - same soft pitch, like a wolf song.  It went on for a few moments, then they all laid their heads down and went to sleep again.  None of our other dogs took any notice other than to look at the howlers.  The guard dogs weren't even barking.  I looked at the clock and went to sleep again.

An hour and a half later, the phone rang and it was the wife of my trainer.  "He's gone!" she said.  He'd had a chronic form of cancer for a while, but ironically he'd felt better the last week, so his death felt rather sudden.  And he'd left an hour and a half ago, the exact time that I believe all the dogs whose lives he'd touched, sounded a salute at the moment he "saw face to face."

I have no doubt that your story is not as unique as some may think.  I think all canids, not just dogs, have similar experiences, not always vocalized.  Back when I was a trucker, one night, coming home from work in the wee hours of the morning, I came across two foxes - one dead in the road.  The other was sitting very still with a very sad demeanor, almost protecting the body of what was almost certainly a mate.  As my truck passed, off the fox went, as if to acknowledge that life must go on.  But, our eyes met, just for an instant, and I believe to this day that the fox understood my sorrow at his loss.  Mourning is not species specific. 

Your fox anecdote reminds me of the time many years ago when one of my cats, Sam was hit by a car tragically.  My other cat, Zeke  (who had a very strong spirit) was found laying next to the dead Sam and we have no idea for how long.  My hope was that if Sam was suffering before he died, Zeke was there to help him find peace.

CoBuHe

Your fox anecdote reminds me of the time many years ago when one of my cats, Sam was hit by a car tragically.  My other cat, Zeke  (who had a very strong spirit) was found laying next to the dead Sam and we have no idea for how long.  My hope was that if Sam was suffering before he died, Zeke was there to help him find peace.

I'm sure you're right.  When my other Yorkie died, the dogs did go and sniff.  Dancer, my heart dog of a lifetime, now at the Bridge herself, just walked away with a look of "I already knew she was gone".  Sioux was horrified, and went to hide under a table.  Maska, sniffed, walked to the middle of the floor and puked.  Honest.  True story.  

 When my golden Kayla passed, my second dog at the time Shadow was right there. I think in her way she understood. She definitely was velcroing to me. I think she understood my grief.

When Shadow died we were on our way to the vet, for the final time. She had a rough night and we knew if she survived we had to take care of her. Maxine stayed right by Shadow's side all night, even offered Shadow her "bear" for comfort. Belle was nervous, and stand offish the whole night. She knew something was night right. DH and I took Shadow the next morning and as I said she passed on route, we buried her at his parents farm. Belle was confused that Shadow did not come home. Soon after Maxine had knee surgery we took her to the vet, and she did not come home (for one night) Belle was not happy. We took Belle the next day to pick Max up. They understand in their way, I know it. 

I personally had an experience similar to the dogs being aware of a passing before you were notified. My father was ill, I was told to catch the next plane home (I was in FL) I boarded the plane and as it started taxi -ing down the runway, I had a very strange feeling and I was very aware of my father. I felt like I was "seeing" him out the plane window. I noted the time 10:35AM, and I said to myself if my sister is not there to pick me up I know dad is fine, she won't leave him. My sister was there, she and my aunt drove me to the hospital to finalize stuff. I noticed on his official papers the time of death was 10:35AM.  I also sat bolt upright in bed one night, could not for the life of me figure out why. It was 2AM, the house was quiet. We later learned of my brothers death it was aproximately 2AM the night I sat up. We are all in tune somehow. I firmly believe it.

Well, it's odd this came up now because here I just saw this in action a few hours ago.  I brought Maggie with us to see Ben go, and when Ben came in the room (he was not terribly ill yet, the bitter irony of the cancer) she got very anxious and "alerted" frantically, many times.  She continued to do this even though we kept giving her the signal that we knew, thank you, okay, that's enough.  Obviously I didn't correct her.  I realize now that she has been "alerting" moderately for the last month but I thought she just sensed Ben wasn't feeling well.

When we set everything up and I was holding Ben, she stayed in "alert" mode until the euth drug went in.  Then she turned and looked at Ben long and hard, and then came and crammed her head between me and the wall (to avoid stepping on Ben, who I had in my lap).  From there, she leaned over and touched her nose to Ben a couple times and then snuggled her head on my shoulder.  I should not, she's NOT a touchy-feely dog.  She stayed there leaning on me while I had my cry out after the vet team left, and then she went to the door and looked back at me.

 What a wonderful thread. and timely for me.

My first husband died.

Rufus had been "his" dog and Caitlyn was mine. They were quite the couple as were we. Dave died and life went on and I met, married, and moved to PA with Kevin and his lab Toby. Rufus had cancer. He told me when it was time. I had the old country doctor up the road come to the house that day. Rufus laid down on his blankie and his head on his Kentucky pillow (where we were from). Without being called, Caitlyn and Toby came into the house and sat down quietly facing us..I was behind Rufus, holding him, facing them. They sat there in front of him where they could all see each other. They, along with me, watched his last breath. They were the last thing he saw, and my arms were the last thing he felt. We all sat still a few moments. Then they got up, came over and gave a sniff, gave me a lick, and we were done. I'll never ever forget it.

It is inspiring to watch the society and inherent nobility of dogs.

My Caitlyn, who was Rufus's pack sister from the beginning, is almost 16 now. The pack includes Godzilla, peke/pom, and Leela, ChowChow. I am hoping that we can send Caitlyn to the bridge where Rufus and Toby are waiting in a similar manner.