I'm stuck in New Jersey (Xeph)

 I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time Xeph... considering it's well after 2pm your time, I'm hoping something has been worked out and you're in a safe spot.

 After having read this entire thread, I'd have to guess there must be a reason his parents are doing this. ... people don't just threaten to have the police called if you haven't left at a certain time, if there's not a cause.  Have you tried calming ASKING him why he's upset and then go about attempting to resolve it?  Sometimes you have to take a hard look at yourself and your behavior (general "you"s, there) and see if there isn't something that you are doing that could be making others uncomfortable.  You can say "No. I've been the perfect guest" But, honesty Xeph, something *IS* making them uncomfortable or this wouldn't be happening.  It doesn't have to be rational, or make sense to you, either. It's their home... their rules, their call.

 Also, not a small matter at all is having a bitch in heat and an intact male together.  The sounds the two can make when kept apart (and often when put together! :) and absolute frenetic energy of them is enough to drive even a seasoned dog person crazy.... let alone a household who is obviously not dog tolerant to begin with.  My parents had the missfortunate of arriving to visit shortly after my girl came into season last time.  They left around Day 11 even though they were supposed to stay longer, they just couldn't handle it. Not that my dogs were doing something "bad", just normal intact dog stuff.  And my parents weren't upset about it... though they questioned MY sanity for dealing with it :)  Heck, *I* wanted to leave... if only it weren't MY house they were screaming in!  And in one of your posts you said it was a very late hour with screaming dogs... it does lead one to wonder if that may not necessarily be all of it, but if it's not the proverbial straw that broke the camels back.

 I wish you luck and hope you are safe and the dogs are safe and you are on your way home.  Best luck to you.

Have you tried calming ASKING him why he's upset and then go about attempting to resolve it?

Also, not a small matter at all is having a bitch in heat and an intact male together.  The sounds the two can make when kept apart (and often when put together! :) and absolute frenetic energy of them is enough to drive even a seasoned dog person crazy.... let alone a household who is obviously not dog tolerant to begin with.

Jon and I ended up sleeping in the garage to monitor things, and we dealt with the screaming.

Jon has all but disowned his father.  Strauss and I are home, and I'm frantically trying to get a transport for Delphi because she had to stay behind.  She is currently in the care of a friend, but only until Friday.

Jon and I are getting married whether his parents like it or not, and the wedding WILL NOT be held in New Jersey.  We'll hold it where we end up stationed.

They can either come to the wedding, be polite and respectful, or they can stay home and SHUT UP, but I WILL NOT be treated this way, no matter WHAT the reason.  Absolutely NOT.  I've dealt with disrespect my entire life, and I will not have it from them, I don't care what they offered to me.

They tried to force me into a loan, they threatened me, they treated my dogs poorly.

No excuses.

I did everything they asked, right down to getting a job, and I had to quit over the phone on my 4th day because Jon's father was being irrational.  I don't care what the adage is about marrying the family...they are no family of mine.  If they want to visit, they can deal with our dogs, because our dogs live in the house and sleep on the bed and ride in the car.  The dogs were there first and they, again, can go suck eggs if they don't like it.

 Xeph, glad you and Strauss got home safe. I hope things work out with Delphi soon. It must be a huge relief to get out of that house!

Xeph -- let me know if you need help with Delphi. I am two hours away in Binghamton, NY. It's really not too far, and I could go get her on Saturday or Sunday. (My parents will be here on Thursday, but I think they are going home to DC on Saturday AM). We don't have any intact boys, and Luna just came out of season, so we know the drill well about keeping girls on lock down.

Please feel free to PM me if I can help.

 

 Good to hear you're home safe, Xeph.  Sounds like the worst of it's over and you can concentrate all your efforts on bringing Delphi home, which, hopefully, is very soon. 

I'm glad that you made it home safely.  Fingers crossed that transport for Delphi works out quickly.

Hey Xeph, what's the latest with Delphi?  Do we need to help organize a transport, or have you got one set up already?

Xeph

I'm not going to feel bad for them.  Nor am I going to pretend to be grateful.  I told them what would happen if they didn't allow one dog or the other to be in the basement so they could be separate, I gave them warning.

This is a big deal.  To stay with someone with two intact dogs one of which is in heat.... it's a big deal and a lot for someone, who again, is not dog tolerant in the first place, to take! And from your post I do not get the sense you totally appreciated that they took you in and were in THEIR home.  You can tell them to suck and egg, you can tell me to suck an egg.... but, when you are staying with someone as a guest in their home, you can warn them, but apologizing goes farther.

Xeph

Jon and I ended up sleeping in the garage to monitor things, and we dealt with the screaming.

Good.  I commend this!

Xeph

I did everything they asked, right down to getting a job,

Well... I would hope that you were looking for a job prior to them requesting it.  

Xeph

They tried to force me into a loan, they threatened me, they treated my dogs poorly.

Honestly, I don't see where a loan was a bad idea?  You were in a rough spot.... I would think a loan would be generous.  And again, you were in their house. ... you have to respect their rules. I'd be so appreciative they gave me a place to sleep and my dogs to sleep (even if in the garage) that I wouldn't have known what to do.  When you are in a tough position, you need to embrace those that extend a hand to you.  They don't have to treat your dogs like you do.... I'm sure the didn't kick or beat the dogs, and that's all I'd ask in that situaion.

Xeph, I appreciate that this was a tough situation... and I appreciate that you are a special person and a special case.  But, look there is some personal responsibility in all of this, so while you feel things were unfair and you were treated badly, you have to step up to the plate and think back to what maybe you did that could have been changed or done better.  Until then, you haven't grown and learned from the situation.  And this experience sounds like a massive opportunity for growth.

These people are your future inlaws.... for Jon's sake, I hope that you try to make ammends. It's not fair to him not to.

Glad you are home, hope Delphi makes it there, soon.

Lani, you made some really good points.  Xeph, it's true that you marry the man, not the family.  But ... they're part of the same package and you will most likely be spending alternate holidays with these people unless Jon decides to completely write them off.  A heartfelt apology for whatever went horribly wrong, even if it wasn't your fault, can go a long way toward paving a smoother road.

Joyce

fuzzy_dogs_mom

Xeph, it's true that you marry the man, not the family.  But ... they're part of the same package and you will most likely be spending alternate holidays with these people unless Jon decides to completely write them off.

Too true...and I personally would not like to feel in any way responsible (be it real or imagined) for distancing a man from his family. I'd do what I could and I have...and 10 years down the line things have worked themselves out to a comfortable extent because we both love the man in the middle...and his happiness counts for a lot.

rwbeagles

Too true...and I personally would not like to feel in any way responsible (be it real or imagined) for distancing a man from his family.

So true.  One thing you DON'T want, is for him to one day feel any resentment that he no longer is close to his family because of his partner.... Even if his family are so awkward and difficult that it would have happened WHOEVER he was with - you have to take the high road and you have to appear to go above and beyond what is expected....  "give them no bullets", my dad would have said.  Just in my experience anyway.

Jon makes his own choices, I don't make them for him.

I was going to get a job before they asked, I did.

If Jon wants to see his family, fine.  I'm not stopping him.  His mother hasn't liked me from the beginning...I'm still pleasant.  I cooked for the family, I cleaned up, Jon and I kept the garage clean, we kept the dogs clean.

I'm not apologizing for ANYTHING after the way I was treated.

I'm probably going to lose Delphi, so overall it really doesn't matter anymore anyway.

Xeph

I'm probably going to lose Delphi, so overall it really doesn't matter anymore anyway.

Why?  What's going on with her?

Because the person that was supposed to help me get Delphi back has decided that I HAVE to send Delphi back to the breeder, I'm trying to figure out where she is