I'm stuck in New Jersey (Xeph)

Where are you in NJ? I left there four years ago due to all the reasons you just listed :)

I suggest roomates.com ... I found several low low cost shard housing arrangements through that service with my dog, cat, etc. Also, see if you can get a used trans from a junkyard not a rebuilt one, they are cheaper, waaay cheaper.

Did roomates.com...more than once.  Never got any replies (I'm sure, due to the dogs).

The mechanic does not rebuild tranmissions, said he'd look around for places.  Also said that used transmissions are a (terrible) crapshoot.

Xeph

 

The mechanic does not rebuild tranmissions, said he'd look around for places.  Also said that used transmissions are a (terrible) crapshoot.

 

 Bull hockey!

Year and make of your van please? And general zip code of where you are.

Where there is a will, there is a way. And when you get it fixed, are you heading home?

1997 Plymouth someting SE

08848 is the zip code.

Don't know when I'll be going home....I have no money.  I don't know how I'm going to pay what I owe to everybody else, let alone get home, but at least before I had a van to do it with.

I just needed a couple hundred dollars for gas and board on the way back, now I have no car at all.

You might try applying at a vet for kennels, etc. It varies from state to state..some start at minimum wage and some, like the one I'm at (though I am a tech, pretty much everyone starts out in kennels), start out above. Many times younger people apply for those jobs, so they have a high turnover rate.

Sorry you and the dogs are having a horrid time.  Did they say the dogs wouldn't be allowed inside when you went there or did they spring it on you later?  Annoying

I feel your pain, honestly.  My car blew up 4 days before I was supposed to move to CO with the two dogs.  I currently have no car here in the city, but at least there's public transportation to work.

I missed a lot - what brought you to NJ in the first place?  Is crossing the river to PA any better for work and living environment?  Craigslist has a button for places that allow dogs - where are you living right now? 

Xeph -- let me chime in as the "old lady" here for just a minute ok?

Yes, you are in a SUCKY place now -- but life tends to be made of those sometimes AND ... sometimes it's the things you learn about yourself ***and about others*** during those times that really make a difference in life.

Relationships are always difficult -- but when PARENTS become a sore sport in that relationship suddenly you might be really glad you're having this experience now -- rather than later.

They're existing on tieouts and in kennels?  Yep -- maybe for a while.  but YOU are motivated to change that.  You **WILL** change that.  "no better than you rescued Delphi from"

YOU ARE **WRONG**.  What's different? YOU my dear lady ... **you**.  You are here for both of them now.  You aren't going to LET this be permanent. 

Borrow?  yep, maybe.  But ... you'll pay it back ... eventually.  You'll make changes. 

THEY will cope.  Because a) they love you and b) dogs are remarkably resillient.  They can endure until you make changes.

No one is going to hate you for not liking New Jersey -- it's some people's cup of tea -- not others.  Some like the city -- some don't. 

But if you hadn't left Wisconsin -- you'd NEVER have known.  Maybe you've learned things about Jon's parents that you don't like ... but you're wiser.  WEre you a bit misled?  Or did you assume things?  (no wrong answer there -- just questions to ponder)

The TRUE tragedy would be if you were married, HAD to live in the house with them (because you were hugely beholden to them, pregnant or heaven forbid, in a lease or some sort of contract).  As it is, once you get a bit of cash you can be on your way.  Wiser -- maybe not happier, but you'll have learned something.

Count your blessings ... this isn't a lecture.  Heaven forbid -- it's life lessons from ME *sigh*.  One time I moved in with my best friend and another girl.  What a NIGHTMARE.  We had a LEASE.  The other girl was mean to MY dog.  The only job I could find was an hour away by car (a car, I might add, that SMELLED snow, and was constantly breaking down and was an "import" that could be counted on to break down nearest the most expensive mechanic hours away??? NOT a car I chose either!!!).  That whole year I made choice after choice after choice for Prissy and I.  Hard choices.  Difficult ones.  Lonely ones. 

But by golly I kept food in our bellies and a roof over our heads.  And as soon as I could I got the heck outa Dodge (or Rochester, NY as it is more appropriately called) but by golly we survived. 

But even that choice wasn't easy -- and I wound up in ANOTHER learning situation.  But .... by dang, I LEARNED there too. 

*sigh* And somewhere along the line I got a bit smarter.  I may be older than dirt now and I may not have the same set of criteria for my life as other people -- but at this point I've been stubborn enough to finally know where my center is.  I'm almost 55 -- it's about dang time!! 

I've not always made the right choices ... *rolling eyes* ... shoot, not my a long shot.  BUT I've managed to learn something every time. 

Xeph - you're an over-comer.  I've seen you mature into a lovely young woman.  I've seen you grow just in the time I've been on this board.  You've done marvelous things with those dogs.  YOU have done marvelous things for YOU.  Your life has never been easy -- but you can be proud and hold your head up. 

 You WILL get out of this my friend.  You may have to borrow.  You may have to let the dogs cope for a bit longer.  You may work a few jobs you loathe.  But you will learn and you will stay strong.  Because that is who you are.

And then .... you will make music.  You will make beautiful music and you will write beautiful things because you can ... and you will.  And it will make sense ... eventually. 

There is a saying (it's actually from Scripture but it's just plain LIFE-worthy).  "To whom much is given ... much is required."  Why?  Because it makes us take advantage of that inner strength we DO have.  Strength is built ... and the more we exercise it .. the stronger we get.

You have inner strength, Xeph.  You WILL get where you need to be.  Be strong.  Stay strong.  You have friends here.  We believe in you. *hugs*

You need the model type to check, but I can tell you that rebuilt transmissons can and do work, take a deep breath, and do some research. Also ask around, someone always knows someone who does this kind of work.

I'm just back to being tired and depressed.

I'm going to lose my insurance...there go my meds (not that I have them now anyway).  I can't even have my *@#($& service dog to help me out of bed in the morning, he's living in a garage (and it will NEVER stop ticking me off, so no offense, but the next person that says "You should be grateful for..." will lose their head), I was told they would at least get to be in the basement.

Delphi is in season.

Jon and I are sleeping in the garage to prevent an accidental breeding.  Strauss has been screaming almost non stop for the last two days, because we're on day 14, an Delphi is standing.

This is a CRAPPY "learning experience".  All it's made me is more angry and more bitter, and I'm not even sure that marrying Jon is a good idea, because I HATE being away from Wisconsin and all of my friends.

Other kennel clubs are not MY club.  I want MY club and MY friends, and MY crew of dogs that I see every week.

I hate how expensive everything is.  I hate that I don't know ANYTHING about car insurance premiums, or getting insurance for myself, or applying for disability, and I'm sorry I ever left my home at all.

God knows how long I'm going to be here. I can't afford to live here!  Jon will be going to OCS in October or January...what will I do then?  Right now I'm in his parents house.  I can't afford an overpriced 1 bedroom apartment here.

I'm applying for other jobs, but the Tourette's limits me.  I can't even show dogs.

I found my cell phone...it's completely unusable.

I quit college, so I have those payments for loans that will start coming in.  What money will I pay them with?

I just want to GO HOME.

Oh Xeph, I wish I could help...but I am out here in MI.  {{{HUGS}}}

Xeph

I can't even have my *@#($& service dog to help me out of bed in the morning, he's living in a garage (and it will NEVER stop ticking me off, so no offense, but the next person that says "You should be grateful for..." will lose their head), I was told they would at least get to be in the basement.

Xeph, there's a difference between 'being grateful for" ... and "making the best of it".  "grateful" comes WAY later ... hmmm, maybe even never.  But I would say you definitely need to get out of there before Jon leaves (my guess is they are probably "putting up with" a LOT (they THINK they are anyway) because Jon is there and maybe telling them they have to.  That may stop when he leaves and it could all get WAY worse. 

I hate to say this but are they trying to break you two up? 

Nobuddy says you gotta like it -- if you DID there would be something wrong with you.  However -- just letting yourself be angry, PLUS tired & depressed only makes it more difficult to live thru what you can't do a whole lot about NOW. 

What's OCS? 

Does Jon know how unhappy you are?   

Honestly I wouldn't think a one bedroom apartment was even a possible -- and it's not what you WANT anyway -- you want to go home.  What's Jon think about that?  Is he willing to live in Wisconsin?

Have you priced a train ticket from NJ to Wis?  (I think they allow dogs on trains)  it might be worth a call or two to find out.  You can re-group when you get home to familiar territory and likely someone there can help you figure out how to get a vehicle.  But if you even figure out how much you need to GET home, it would be a start, right?  Do you honestly want to stay?  Is Jon open to going back with you? 

"where" to live is sometimes the biggest hugest decision a couple has to make.  David wound up coming here to Florida with me mostly because I had two senior animals at the time, and I knew it would just plain kill them to have to be in quarantine in the UK.  Plus David's house was two stories and no way could I have done stairs long term.  Nor would I have been able to do the walking that was necessary to be employed in the UK (where not much of anyone drives and most everyone "walks" to the train). 

He came to Florida to be with me.   Not the best move for him financially and it took us years to crawl out from under it.  But the sacrifice was worth what it took to be together.

Had it not been ... we knew from the get go that the odds were overwhelmingly stacked against us being together.  It's a dicey situation -- trying to combine what you both WANT to do, with what you both CAN do, with what you're WILLING to do, and what works for each of you.  You've got some limitations with the tourettes, yes.  And in a very real sense, that likely may limit what you can do *now* financially to stay afloat as you build your life.

No one says you gotta like it, Xeph.  And if you were told one thing and they reneged on it -- *sigh* -- that said a whole lot about THEM too. 

Take it one thing at a time -- but if you are this unhappy there, then don't kick yourself about not being able to afford a one-bedroom apartment.  You don't want it anyway, right??

Like I said -- you're a strong person.  You'll work thru this.   And part of it IS the fact that you're not a wuss and you DO know what is good for you and what isn't.  Just keep moving forward.  Do what you can.  But don't kick yourself about things you can't do a danged thing about anyway.  Make sense?

I hate to say this but are they trying to break you two up?

What's OCS?

What's Jon think about that?  Is he willing to live in Wisconsin?

Have you priced a train ticket from NJ to Wis?

Do you honestly want to stay?

Is Jon open to going back with you?

Do what you can.  But don't kick yourself about things you can't do a danged thing about anyway.  Make sense?

And Strauss is out screaming in the garage.

Look into some trucking firms -- sometimes truckers are willing to take a dog with them.  It would be a bit iffy but possible.  By September it would be cool enough to fly -- they'd both have to be in cargo but it would be do-able to get them home.  You can't do it this month yet -- it's too hot. 

If the two of you love each other, you may have to be apart for a while if he's got to stay out there to be in school.  It sucks, but it's do-able. 

Another long-shot -- but why not call the U of Wis and find out if they have any students returning for the fall semester who are NJ residents (or PA) and see if you can work out a ride. 

You're creative -- focus that creativity on getting yourself HOME, girl. 

The other thing -- and I'm being really blunt here, but if his Dad LIKES you ... can you talk to him?  Can you ask him for enough of a loan to get you, Strauss and Delphi home?  Before you commit Hari Kari on the mother (or she on you?)

What were you planning on doing while Jon goes to OCS, before you knew how much you hated NJ and had this awful situation to live in?  Head toward that plan, if you can.  What was going to happen after he entered the military?  Were you going to be married by then and be able to follow him and live on base?  Think about this - if you hate living anywhere but home but you're marrying a future military man... you could very likely end up anywhere around the country, or perhaps the world.  This may be the worst place you live, but if you can exercise your muscles to be flexible and make your way through it, then you can make it anywhere he ends up stationed.

Here's a link for SSA and walks you through the questions of who qualifies, how to get it, etc.  http://www.ssa.gov/pubs/10029.html   Do as much searching on that website before you call them, or you will get a run-around without specific questions in your mind about your particular situation.  You don't have to know everything, and maybe talking face-to-face to an advisor would be in order.  If calling on the phone is impossible, or doesn't work for you, this is the closest office, based on your zip code: https://secure.ssa.gov/apps6z/FOLO/Controller  They may not resolve everything in your life, but maybe they can give you advice about keeping your insurance so your meds are paid for, and other ways for you to get some income to help your situation. 

Is your credit any good that you could get a personal loan from a bank?  Can you take ONLINE classes from the school you went to in WI, so that you don't have to pay the loans back right away?  Your parents still live in WI, so you can claim residency there, still, if you're on your way back there eventually.  You may not be able to afford an apartment in NJ, but you may qualify for section 8, and that could take the edge off if you don't have to tie yourself into a year lease.

So, ok, in your position, I would prioritize my issues.  Getting a comfortable roof over your head & the dogs, getting income, keeping insurance for meds, getting student loans paid or resolved, getting the car fixed or resolved in some other way.  It may feel like everything has to resolved today, but you can decide which ones are at the top of your list and work on those first - breaking down the overwhelming feeling of everything.  Maybe the SSA office can point you in the direction of employers who are committed to employing people with disabilities, where your Tourettes isn't a deal-breaker.  (I thought it wasn't legal to discriminate, based on a disability?)