Do we have a double standard here?!

I think when you have a large group of passionate, knowledgeable people, and one non-so-knowledgeable person approaches, the enthusiasm to educate often becomes overzealous, they forget that the new person doesn't know what they know.  This puts the new person on the defensive, and it all goes downhill from there.  Not excusing it in the slightest, but I do think that's why.

On the slightly more sinister side of things, newbies are an easy target.  No regular member here would put up with being harassed, having their choices ridiculed etc for very long without fighting back....newbies rarely have that confidence and when they do, older members say they are being defensive because they have something to hide.   

It's a trend I have seen on many forums, not just this one.   

ETA:  Am putting on my admin hat to remind everyone that most of us were novice dog owners at one time or another...myself relatively recently, compared to many of you.  Bear that in mind when posting to newbie threads.   

ETA again:  I am going to move this thread to How Are We Doing.   

I'd imagine because it is always easier to make excuses for a friends behavior than it is a strangers? I mean how many of us would just believe our best friend in the world had done something horrendous even tho it's in the news? Surely there's some explanation...it doesn't add up! But that same act perpetrated by another anonymous soul? Oh we're all on it with judgement, and suggestions for punishment.

FWIW I have seen plenty of things go both ways....long standing members have gotten raked over the coals...and so have new folks...new folks have been indulged...and old timers have been ripped  a new one.

Depends on the day...depends on the topic...and it depends on the tone of the first few posts, IMO.

I agree with you.  I almost spit my coffee out all over my computer screen when I read that a long time member likely got a puppy from a mill, and nobody said anything!  Sure on some things we agree to disagree (raw vs kibble feeding, for example), but there are other things that we all pretty much agree with (dogs shouldn't be tied to a doghouse, puppy mills are bad, rubbing a dog's nose in its mess will not house train them, etc).

I guess the thing is that this behavior is forgivable if you are ignorant about good vs bad breeders, but if you've been hanging around this forum you should have learned something.

I hadn't been following that thread, but given the fact that her previous dog had just died really rather tragically a few weeks ago, I think people decided to hold their tongues. I think a lot of people also don't read an entire thread before commenting when it's just a "congratulations on your new dog" kind of thread, and she initially used the term "adopted" so I for one had assumed she'd gotten a rescue, especially because it's a mixed breed pup. I just kind of thought, "Oh how nice for her" and moved on and didn't look at the thread again until just now. 

But I have also seen a few long-standing members literally driven off the forum because of their choices that, to me, did not seem as irresponsible but for some reason some other members just would not let go. 

Exactly swamper!  That's why I started this thread - it's not that I want to see people flamed for a choice, but at least called on it.  Obviously some things are hot topics generally and some things are just disagreements about implementation (like raw vs. kibble) but I was floored that no one spoke up to say "hey wait a minute".

On the other hand is it even possible to speak up on a forum and not have it turn into a flamefest?  Ah that's the real issue methinks - no one wants to get a long time member flamed, so they don't say anything?  And then saying nothing is seen as agreement...
 

 Yeah, I rolled my eyes when I read about it too.  I didn't say anything because I knew for sure someone else would.  I was just surprised it took so long!

stardog85

On the other hand is it even possible to speak up on a forum and not have it turn into a flamefest?  Ah that's the real issue methinks - no one wants to get a long time member flamed, so they don't say anything?  And then saying nothing is seen as agreement...

You are correct.  No one says to bite your tongue, but comments here can get out of hand really quick.  Your comment in the puppy thread was very appropriate.  You pointed out the situation, but did not judge.

Sometimes posters don't think about people's feelings.  They just type whatever spews out of their fingers and forgets that a real person is on the other end of the computer.  Yes, I know if you don't want your feelings hurt than you shouldn't be typing on a forum, but the truth is people look to this forum for companionship, support, and comfort and these types of flaming posts do nothing but drive people away. 

As Granny would say, there is a time and place for everything...

Ahhhhh!  Now I understand why that thread keeps popping up.  I offered my congrats and moved on so honestly hadn't thought another thing about it.

So, she knew better and still got a pup under questionable circumstances?  That *probably* wouldn't have been my choice but I don't get to judge.  FWIW, I do tend to tell folks what I think regardless of who they are.  Old, new, in between........

But, also, there have been many threads over the years that have started off with a newbie being under attack that I've tried to turn into a useful discussion.  So, I guess Gina is right......depends on a number of things whether I am blunt or not.

IMO there is a double standard anywhere. At work you would not censure a boss's decision the same way or manner you would a co worker. In school you would not correct a professor the same way you might a TA or fellow student. In home life...you might not address your Grandmother the same way you might your friend of your own age. You might try to get the same message across...but you'd likely do so differently.

I don't think it's a bad thing to be tactful or even address a concern privately.

It is good to consider feelings before you post...and circumstances that might've led up to a decision being made.

It is also good to remember mistakes YOU have made yourself before posting...some of which are here in black and white....for some of us.

Above all it is important to realize that you CANNOT nor should you aspire to, IMO....control the outcome of other people's lives or dictate their choices.

One thing I want to point out that I have seen on many other forums (though not so much this one) is that join date and/or number of posts does not necessarily mean the person is knowledgeable.  I think a lot of people associate those numbers with knowledge. 

I don't tend to say anything when a choice has already been made. When I was looking for a breeder for myself someone recomended a bc breeder that was basically a puppy mill. A bad one too, he is actually banned from the abca. I just moved on. What good would saying something have done when she already had her dogs? I think it is a lot easier to offend someone online, and also a lot harder to make a difference in someones thinking online. I think we need to choose our battles carefully.

If a person comes on and says they are considering getting a pup from here or there I will say something, I will give my input, but otherwise generally not.

I'm also not a long term member here, and am still pretty new myself.

hmm, i didnt catch that one either... i am not one to give people unsolicited advice. if they ask, i tell, if not, i'm not the saviour of the world... but i think i probably would be more hesitant to hold my toungue with a old time member, because i would think that after hanging around here for a while they would know anyways, and then what's the point? i mean, so they chose something that we disagree with? things will not be reversed by me saying something. instead i will just ruin someones moment. whereas, if we're talking to a newbie, there's a good chance, they didnt know, and although me saying somothing might not reverse a situation, it might at least educate the poster... but yeah, double standards... i guess it's normal...