Just some thoughts on being duped

 Yes Ron, it was a slam, and I can't laugh either.  But we don't have to take it out on the next person who is looking for support either.  That's all I am trying to say. 

marty_ga

 Yes Ron, it was a slam, and I can't laugh either.  But we don't have to take it out on the next person who is looking for support either.  That's all I am trying to say. 

I agree with you. We care or we wouldn't be here.

I know this has been disconcerting; I too posted my sympathies and my DH read the original thread and was saddened and sympathetic.  I was also, however, very suspicious.  I didn't "fess up" on the other threads, but I actually spent a fair amount of time searching area news sites looking for any confirmation.  I found nothing, but decided to err on the side of community, caution and compassion.

Just over a year ago, a co-worker completed suicide after being discovered to have told a series of bigger and bigger fabrications.  Having worked with this person for 4 years, I was one who raised questions at the latest reported tragedy - one of equal or greater scale than what we've just been treated to.  A few times over the years, I had suspicions, but felt bad for it.  And tried to respect my co-worker's right to privacy when there seemed to be conflicts or the story seemed extreme or unlikely.  But this story suddenly had a family member in it who had died 4 years earlier and I had sent flowers (to the home as the circumstances of the funeral were such that we could not send there - conveniently) and I and others finally asked the tough questions.  It turns out our co-worker had been struggling with mental illness for decades - in a more serious way than we knew.  I worry I should never have said anything and worry I should have said something far sooner.  I'll never know exactly why all this happen except that I can understand it was a cry for connection, for help and for attention.  I feel guilt for questioning and guilt for not questioning it sooner.

Here, I think, as in that case, I have to realize it is not personal though it might have personal impact.  It was the higher road, I thought, to not shout out my suspicions and take the OP on faith and I think we should all be pleased that despite disappointments, we continue to do so and be there for each other and members of this community.

 I'm not familiar with this whole story, but alot of the warnings and cautions that others have mentioned are worth reminding ourselves about.  Unfortunately this happens often, all over the Internet, in lots of different message boards, chat rooms, etc.  In my own experience, it was with an independent dog rescuer who solicited donations for a dog but had them go to her personal Paypal account rather than directly to the vet treating the animal.  It's great to give people the benefit of the doubt and always expect the best in them, but, it's the Internet and there are alot of sick people out there who are not who they appear to be, it's not unkind to be wary.  Always check things out before giving $$$.  Sympathy and well-wishes cost nothing and I think we're better for it, I don't want to end up cynical and bitter but I am MUCH more cautious than I used to be due to my experience.

BCMixs

 but, it's the Internet and there are alot of sick people out there who are not who they appear to be, it's not unkind to be wary.  Always check things out before giving $$$.  Sympathy and well-wishes cost nothing and I think we're better for it, I don't want to end up cynical and bitter but I am MUCH more cautious than I used to be due to my experience.

I agree. I have learned a lot on this one, it has taught me a lesson.  As I have said...I'm not a trusting person for the most part...usually a "doubting Thomas" as they say... but I fell for this one after another much more bizarre death on another forum a year ago, was true.  It just never occured to me this was not true.   Your right... if old men try to "pick up" young girls over the internet.... if there are people or outfits out there trying to scam money out of old people on the internet...and much worse...why would there not be someone making up a fantastic story on a dog forum and sit back and enjoy the attention that they might get for answers.

I too will be much more cautious.

Dyan -- I don't think 'cautious' is bad.  I think Marty's right - I think we have to react with compassion and sometimes waste some time if that's really what it is. 

But ... I don't care if it's the internet or the guy begging as I'm on the exit off I-4, or the claim of the new & improved whatever I'm supposed to wash my clothes with.  I'm darned careful -- and that's just plain wisdom borne of age and experience. 

 Wow, just catching this... I'm quite surprised that anyone even posted to give the "truth" of the issue. In general, though it is quite prejudiced of me, if someone doesn't post with decently good spelling or an eye to fixing blatant typos ("hsuband"?), I don't take the post very seriously. You guys were much more considerate than that, and while I think caution is quite important, I think you should still feel very good about how you tried to reach across those cyber barriers and help a family in need.

Yep, we were duped and I hope the person who did this got a really good laugh out of all of us "fools" offering compassion and suggestions, pm'ing and sharing painful experiences from our own pasts.

I too am a bit embarassed that I fell for this hook line and sinker.  That we shed a tear and light a candle and offered prayers for this family.

But, it didn't cost me anything to be humane and thats part of who I am.  And I'd repeat the same compassion, share the same painful stories and send the same compassionate PM all over again.  I would hope that we all would.

This forum is a lovely community of caring folks.  But like a beautiful rose garden, there will be some thorns.  I for one won't let getting "stuck" stop me from being who I am.

And, I too am proud to be part of a community that is so willing to open their hearts to someone in need.....real or imagined.

glenmar

Yep, we were duped and I hope the person who did this got a really good laugh out of all of us "fools" offering compassion and suggestions, pm'ing and sharing painful experiences from our own pasts.

I too am a bit embarassed that I fell for this hook line and sinker.  That we shed a tear and light a candle and offered prayers for this family.

But, it didn't cost me anything to be humane and thats part of who I am.  And I'd repeat the same compassion, share the same painful stories and send the same compassionate PM all over again.  I would hope that we all would.

This forum is a lovely community of caring folks.  But like a beautiful rose garden, there will be some thorns.  I for one won't let getting "stuck" stop me from being who I am.

And, I too am proud to be part of a community that is so willing to open their hearts to someone in need.....real or imagined.

Amen, sister. Most eloquent, too.

I agree with what Glenda said except about us being fools. We are not fools we are very caring people here on this forum and I`m proud that we are. We were duped by a 17 year old that needs spelling lessons. But we are a group of people that not only care about animals but our fellow man or women, life, when someone feels down, needs advice, the list is endless. Hang on forum members this may happen again in a different post in a different form. I hope we reply in the same manner as we did this one. Do I feel I was duped - Yes but this didn`t change my caring about other people. Yes I will no doubt be duped again here on the INTERNET but if and when I am no I`m not a fool I`m just a caring person.

I`d like to add that I am so happy that Mom2Lucy is alive and well.

See heres proof live after death does exist

Just to clarify.....I don't see any of us as "fools", although I'm betting the person who DID this, does.  That's why I used quotes around the word.

I just read all about this, and I am pretty shocked.  But people are right, anyone can be anything they want to be on the other side of a screen.  It's a shame that people take advantage of caring people, though.

Callie - I read your post about your friend and neighbour, that's really bad!

A close friend of mine's cousin met a man online, she ended up moving to the US to be with him.  Her family hadnt heard from her in a bit, which was unnatural, they had the police look into it, and the end result that was found was her body parts in 4 different counties.

This only happened a couple years ago, and it is just so scary, that people never really know.

Actually, a situation that happened to my BF and I, he had bought some painted miniatures from someone on EBAY.  Then he emailed and asked the guy if he did commission work, the guy said yes, so my BF sent him 400$US.  The guy emailed and said the stuff shipped, nothing came, he faxed me a "copy" of the way bill, I called USPS and UPS, no such number existed.  I tried calling the guy, he no longer answers his phone, All I know is he is from Texas and I know his name and telephone number he no longer answers.  Needless to say, we NEVER do that again.

That's the main reason I've never been totally comfortable with e-Bay.  I think probably 98% of the time, things work out just fine.  But when they don't, there really isn't anybody who is responsible or who can do anything about it. Sorry that happened to you and your BF.  That's a lot of  money to get scammed out of.

Joyce

Callie had excellent words of advice.

I also think that if you spend enough time on the net (sadly, I think I do) you begin to see classic troll patterns. If a husband/friend/child of a poster appears to tell us about some awful tragedy, it is 99% likely to be fake. Always be suspicious about that one. Keep an open mind for that 1% that may be truly hurting, but know that the odds scream troll. The only time I've ever seen a husband post on behalf of a wife is when she went into labor and was at the hospital. Birth announcements, no drama and definitely no repeated posts.

Serious illnesses and death are favorites of emotional vampires. People do die, and deal with serious illnesses, but most people with real illnesses do not milk the drama factor.

Dog_ma

I also think that if you spend enough time on the net (sadly, I think I do) you begin to see classic troll patterns. If a husband/friend/child of a poster appears to tell us about some awful tragedy, it is 99% likely to be fake. Always be suspicious about that one.

While that statistic may be correct...last year about this time,,,on another dog forum that I believe several of us here on this forum belong to... a very sweet and loving lady that posted almost everyday....on many threads.  Everyone loved her...she was the best.  Her boyfriend posted one day that she had been killed by the hands of a family member. It was totally bizarre and unbelievable. But it was the truth.  Several people that on that forum that had built a closer relationship with this wonderful lady...went to her funeral.  After that, there was no way I would not have believed that this hubby wasn't telling the truth.