Just some thoughts on being duped

    • Gold Top Dog

    Just some thoughts on being duped

    by Shannon's "death."  I for one, am proud of the way this community responded with sympathy and then with suggestions for dealing with a 7 year old.  I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.  Yes, I was upset to learn it was fabricated, but there is just no way to know when someone is calling wolf.  The next time, it may be true...and if we apply what we learned here, the next one may not get the support that is so badly needed.

    Way to go, everyone! 

    • Gold Top Dog

    It happens way more often than folks know -- and as long as you always respond in a way that's kind, loving and humane you win. 

    There are times I haul back -- because I fear someone is not genuine.  It's a difficult call, but even when having to distance yourself, it's still important, I THINK, to be kind and humane.

    • Gold Top Dog

    my husband and I met in a chat room...his very good friend, frat bro and roommate was also talking with a girl long term via chat/messenger. Obviously things worked out great with my DH and I when we met months later and 8 years down the line still married and happy.

    His buddy went to meet his girl, too...and found out she'd lied about everything from what she looked like...to what she did for a living. He was devastated...but he lived, he moved on...and we even laugh about it now. The girl really really had issues...but yet he ended up staying and talking with her that weekend and found out she just wanted to be loved...so she lied. Sad yes...but such is life.

    In real life everyday people find out the people they love and think they know so well..are completely different than they thought. Affairs, substance abuse, spousal abuse etc. Sometimes it ends tragically and other times triumphantly.

    The net is a place when things aren't always what they seem...and so it's a place to be careful, but then again...so is real life. You cannot let that make you stop caring, or being hopeful...nor should you let it turn you into one who is negative and judgemental.

    Your post was great Marty...I enjoyed reading it.

    • Gold Top Dog

    Those of us who have been around on bulletin boards, forums and chat rooms long enough have experienced being duped like in the Shannon thread.  I have learned to blow it off.  I am sure many others have too. 

    As Gina said, this is the internet.  An adult video game.  You can be anything you want.  And, if you find you're not getting enough attention, you can even die. 

    • Gold Top Dog

    calliecritturs
    and as long as you always respond in a way that's kind, loving and humane you win.

    That's how I feel too. I'd rather regret being duped (as long as it didn't involve money) than to have been so distrustful that I didn't reach out when someone truly needed it.

    I was frequenting a cancer support board last year and one woman had started a blog that would've made almost anyone cry on a daily basis. She was in end-stage ovarian cancer and having multiple, major health problems. She wrote like a professional and had everyone reading and responding to all her blog entries. When days went by without an entry, everyone panicked and thought the worst, and then she'd come back and say she'd been in ICU for blah, blah, blah. It all turned out to be a huge hoax. I have no idea what the intent was, but an awful lot of people were very hurt and felt betrayed. I guess it's just the downside to the cyberworld, but we all know about the upsides we experience right here on this forum everyday too.

    • Gold Top Dog

    Great points, everyone.  I'm just wondering how a 7 year old actually had the wits to pull this off and make himself sound so adult. If he was a teenager - maybe.  But 7??

    Joyce

    ETA:  OK - I just saw his pic on another thread and read that he's 17, not 7.

    • Gold Top Dog

    WOW Cathy… that story is shocking and sickening. I don’t even know what to say to that.

    • Gold Top Dog

    cakana

    I'd rather regret being duped (as long as it didn't involve money) than to have been so distrustful that I didn't reach out when someone truly needed it.



    I agree with you, although in this case I was ready to write a check to send flowers or a donation in Sharon's name. I even checked all the online obits in OK I could find -- although only having a first name makes it hard, so I didn't think much of it when I didn't find anything.

    If I had a child who did this, let alone a son who was a young man, there would be a video apology posted the day I found out what happened and I would call the police for fraud or anything that he could spend the night in jail over.

    What truly got to me the most was reading the number of replies from people who have lost their husbands and wives. That grief can know no bounds, and to play on that as a joke is disgusting and shows a lack of compassion and decency.

    Even if it started as a joke, that boy could have ended it with one post when he saw the responses coming in. (It's not like he would ever have to answer for it, since this is an online forum.) Instead, he posted a second thread about a funeral.

    To end on a positive note, the responses do illustrate what a wonderful group of people we have here. It's a please to know each of you, even if it's just in a forum and not real life. If that thread started again tomorrow, I would still plan to send flowers or a donation.

    • Gold Top Dog

    GRAPHIC -- SCAREY -- BUT PLEASE READ  

    Folks, I'm going to caution you again -- yeah, we got 'duped' -- and now we have Shannon saying it was her son. 

    Read that AGAIN.  "now we have ... ***SAYING*** ..."

    Do we believe all we read?  I don't.  Her Son?  Her son and friends?  Bored husband?  Whatever ...

    Like Gina, David and I met online.  However -- I have seen it ALL.  The good, the bad and the ugly. 

    Rather than a friend who also fell in love on line and met her and she was "nothing like" ... MY version of the story is a gay friend of mine who was "exclusive" with another gay woman for almost TWO years.  One in Seatlle, one in Nova Scotia. 

    One night I talked to my friend on the phone (she was helping me with a computer issue) and I asked her if Leanna was .... (some benign question about whether her hair was dark or light or something).

    "I don't know"

    "HUH??  You two have gone together for TWO years ... surely you know what color hair she has!!"

    "No ... we decided long ago that the physical wasn't important ... I've never seen her picture."

    (Callie muttering there is something ROTTEN in Denmark .. or at least in Seatlle for crying out loud!!)

    But I did tell her "Look, if you two are in love I can tell you this much for sure.  It is NATURAL and NORMAL to want to have a mental picture that's accurate.  The first thing David and I did was send something PHYSICAL -- a card, cookies, SOMETHING that my hands had touched to him and something from him to me.  To not know a thing about how you look isn't ... NORMAL.  So ... how does she sound on the phone ... surely you TALK, right?"

    "No. It's ... expensive"

    "Not once?  Never?"

    Ok ... fast forward 2-3 months.  These two decided to jump in and LIVE together.  (no pictures, no phone calls??)

    The night before Leanna 'left' Nova Scotia ... she instant messaged Tonya.  She thought MAYBE she should tell Tonya ...

    Not 27.  FORTY-THREE

    and ... oh yeah ... name's not *really* Leanna.  It's ... PATRICK.

    Pathetic.  Mean.  Nasty. 

    I've seen worse.  Like my best friend's neighbor who went to California from Binghamton, NY to be with her internet love.  Except after she'd been there 24 hours she suddenly realized he wasn't a nice man at all and she was his PRISONER.  He had her purse and wallet and wouldn't give them to her.  He was keeping them 'safe'.

    She climbed out of a bathroom window and dropped to the ground and got a friend via "collect call" to buy her a plane ticket home. 

    2 weeks later the cops are at this woman's door.  They FOUND her license ... how?  They were searching his house after they found his wife dead and in pieces in her car submerged in a lake in northern California.  Found a lot of other women's licenses too -- were doing a door search to ascertain how many other women he may have offed.  This was like 10 years ago.

    I remember a couple who thot it was GREAT fun ... he trolled for lonely women to see if he could cause trouble in their marriages ... and she did the same with men.  They did this TOGETHER, with a few beers and a ton of laughs.  Several times they had people flying out to "meet" them ... people who never got met at the airport. 

    They did this for GRINS.  To see how gullible people were. 

    Stuff happens.  Because the internet CAN be a very anonymous place ... people can have fun ... or they can take advantage of others.

    Be careful.  I try to err on the side of caution.  It cost ME nothing but time to respond kindly to this situation. 

    I've had another situation going on with someone emailing me for dog skin advice ... but it feels ... wrong.  It feels ... like they could be a troll.  So I'm being VERY careful.  I have a big heart ... but I don't like being stupid. 

    If something sounds "too good to be true" it probably is.  I began to get a really bad feeling about the Shannon thread after about page 3 and they stopped responding.  The spelling errors bothered me but ... I didn't act on it.  Because it didn't 'hurt' me. 

    Fool me once .. shame on you.  Fool me twice?  Shame on ME. 

    Just be careful.  Proceed with caution.

    When I look at a post and I 'wonder' if it's genuine, I go back and check other posts of theirs.  Does the story hang together?  Is that how they USUALLY are?  Is it sensible? 

    • Gold Top Dog

    When I look at a post and I 'wonder' if it's genuine

    I guess I will always wonder now.  I fell for the Shannon story..hook, line and sinker. I can tell you,,,never again. Its hard enough worrying and having sorrow for people that you really know.   Funny,,,I am not a trusting person..... I am "Doubting Thomas" usually.... don't know why I didn't doubt this one at all.   As I said in the other thread...last year about this time a very very loved poster on another forum was killed...with a horrible story to go with it...her boyfriend knew she posted there so much that he wrote to tell us all. The story was much worse than the mom getting hit by a car ( if you can think something is worse than that ) but it was the truth... a few posters that lived close went to the funeral.   This just reminded me so much of that one,,that it never occured to me that it wasn't the truth. You know..when I saw that beautiful video she made about Lucy...it broke my heart. And yet...I went to Shannons My Space and wondered why there was no mention of a daughter...... and yet,, it didn't occur to me that this was not the truth.  But that was then, now I still wonder why there is no mention of a daughter....and no mention of a son either.  How can you have messages about your dog all over the place,,but not your kids?  I love my dog...I have Grand doggies...no grand babies...and am perfectly fine with that...but if I had a web page... I would have my kids AND my dog there.
    I am no longer a believer.   And while I too am proud to know each and every poster here that spoke up and tried to help Shannons husband.... people that took the time to post... people that sent her emails and PMs.... I will not ever fall for anything like this again. Shannon said she is embarrassed by her son (???)  well, I am embarrassed that I believed her!

    • Gold Top Dog

    dyan
    I will not ever fall for anything like this again. Shannon said she is embarrassed by her son (???)  well, I am embarrassed that I believed her!

     

     

    Ditto!    Problem is it happens all the time..I have learned to take things said, with a pinch of salt..

    • Gold Top Dog

    marty_ga

    by Shannon's "death."  I for one, am proud of the way this community responded with sympathy and then with suggestions for dealing with a 7 year old.  I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.  Yes, I was upset to learn it was fabricated, but there is just no way to know when someone is calling wolf.  The next time, it may be true...and if we apply what we learned here, the next one may not get the support that is so badly needed.

     

    I agree! Which is worse? To find out I've been duped or to withhold support from someone who REALLY needs it? I'd rather err on the side of compassion. I think Marty's message is to NOT let this incident color the future. If I were to let this incident change me into a person who wouldn't offer condolences and support to someone who really needed it, I would be the loser.  

    I'm not happy at having been duped. It's the first time something like this has ever happened to me. I feel I should have known better. I feel silly and embarrassed myself. It was a b-i-g thing around here... How must the husband feel knowing he should have leashed the dog? OMG! How will the little girl get beyond losing her mother? Thoughts of this terrible tragedy brought back memories of my niece dying a couple days after giving birth and leaving an infant girl with her young father - alone to face the world without a mommy. I cried... My husband and I talked about it a lot and it permeated my days.

    But I honestly cannot say that if it happened again, I would turn my back. I couldn't. I would have second thoughts and not be so sure I know the truth, but I wouldn't withhold the support. I think that's the important thing. Giving the benefit of the doubt... Because it might be true next time... Someone in this dog community might really need your support. It might be me! It might even be you.

    • Gold Top Dog

    I have to agree with 4ic and Marty... I think it is better to err on the side of offering support.

    On another note, Shannon, obviously needed something... I hope she finds the help that she needs.

    • Gold Top Dog

    rwbeagles
    The net is a place when things aren't always what they seem...

     

    That is the understatement of the year......lol

    • Gold Top Dog

    It's still a slam to be duped. Because I am a product of my upbringing. Mean what you say and say what you mean.

    Example, my name actually is Ron. My first wife, Deidre (pronounced dear-dra (irish) or DiDi for short), passed away July 28, 1992 and if a person was interested, I could show them her grave in Carrollton, Texas. Certainly my life experiences have given me some nifty scars. So, yeah, I'm over the deception but, at the same time, I can't seem to laugh about it, either.

    OTOH, life has a way of throwing curve balls and perpetrator of such a stunt will get his, eventually. Anonymous internet, or not. And no, I'm not wishing anything bad on the person. But it's going to happen. Que sera, sera.