Nm..

Not sure if what I know helps but PTSD can last a lifetime. It is usually response to a traumatic event or series of events. And can result in behavioral changes that seem odd but a way of the personality trying to survive.

My friend Lee was a Navy SEAL, 1964-69 stationed in Da Nang, Viet Nam. 3 active combat tours, way deep in-country. He specialty was remote C-4 detonations. He crawled into VC tunnels, planted charges and remotes, crawled back out, hiked about a click away and waited for charlie to show back up and go in the tunnels. When whatever troops were back in, press the remote and watch the tiny man-made earthquake. And he translated back to civilian life quite well. With a couple of modifications. He didn't like cramped, tight spaces. And in a restaurant, he always sat with his back to a wall so that he could see the door. Some might say that is PTSD but always seeing the exit and who's coming in is how he survived the Big Asian Vacation.

Another friend who served in Viet Nam suffered flashbacks of seeing children caught in the crossfire of an ambush. Unlike the movies, you can get shot by an AK-47 and not die right away. It may take a while.

I have seen people get beaten within an inch of their lives simply because it was Friday night and that still haunts me.

My wife was a victim of sexual assault twice in her life and that has had lasting effects to this day. But most days are good. But there are some things you don't get over. You get on with life in whatever way you can. It's a survival mechanism, in my opinion.

 No need at all to say what those things are if you don't want to. Whatever the reason is, and I know sometimes to talk about those things alone can be a problem.  I once asked to be warned if the word dentist were going to be discussed so I could leave the room. I'm glad actually I could answer that without getting anxious about it. That question is sort of linked to the dentist issue, but that's a separate issue.

Sometimes knowing how it happens can help, other times it doesn't. I've had some knowledge of this for a few years, but only recently have I been able to use this to talk myself through some of the phobias I have. I have a few bizarre ones, and only as of a few months ago have I been able to begin  thinking my way through why my previous thinking doesn't make sense.

I don't think I can handle this. I love talking to all of you guys, but I'm all the sudden very aware that the members on here are not the only people that can see this. I'm feeling vulnerable and its making me uncomfortable. Its not you guys, its people who could lurk or just random passer-bys. I greatly appreciate all the help and advice you guys have given me. I am going to get more answers, I will talk with my doctor about the ADHD meds and the Neuro exam (I'm going to push for that and I want to do that before meds, still might try anti-depressants though) and I am going to do the best I can to at least learn to cope. I hope the mods don't mind but I'm going to edit out my posts, I'm just way to uncomfortable with it now. I don't mind talking in PMs but I dunno. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.

((((Vanessa))))

You have to do what makes you comfortable.  We are all just a pm or email away.

{{{{Hugs}}}}

Vanessa - If you're really concerned, you might be able to have the mods delete this tread entirely. I wish you all the best and like the others have said, you can PM me anytime you'd like. (((HUGS)))

Thank you everyone, it means alot to me. And I would love it if the mods could delete this thread for me.

Vanessa, I don't think it's all in your head.  You feel that something is off, then you are right, you know your body best.

In the mean time, are you getting enough Vitamin D?  I am ADD (unmedicated) and on depression meds myself.  Taking the D has helped me maintain a happy outlook on life.  There were some very dark days for me in the past.  Having ADD feels like a lot having a bunch of "noise" in your head, even though it's not really noise.  It can mean reading the same sentence 3 times and be off somewhere else completely in your mind.

Anyway, take your vitamin D in the meantime and know that I'm thinking of you.

Thanks Tiffani, I will try the vitamin D. I used to take B+C Vitamins that were supposed to help, but they made me jittery for some reason so I haven't tried vitamins since then. But if you think it will help I will try it.

you need to do what is best for you.  We are all just an email or pm away and certainly willing to help however we can.

I *think* you might be able to delete the thread yourself, if not, email the mods, or do the report abuse thing.

Thanks Glenda I couldn't see anyway to delete it myself, but I pm'd a mod

 Before it disappears, just want to offer my support and give you a big fat cyberhug and a wish for success in dealing with everything.

Thank you, it means alot to me. I am sure you guys already know this, but you guys are all amazing people. And I have never in my life met anyone kinder or more caring. Thanks everyone. 

Vanessa, one of the things you have to remember is that a lot of people are afraid of things they don't understand, and unless they have a friend or family member who has a mental illness, then they just don't understand.  So they fear. They don't grasp that mental illnesses are as varied as physical illnesses.  You can be physically ill with something that's going to kill you in a couple of months, and you can be physically ill with a minor head cold. All physical illnesses aren't going to cause you long lasting harm, and all mental illnesses aren't going to turn your life upsidedown.  Good luck with whatever path you decide to take.

Joyce