Tough Decision

glenmar

I'm thinking she'll go dancing to the Bridge thanking her Mom for freeing her from her demons.

*Hugs* to both of you.

 I'm coming to this thread late, but you'll still need plenty of hugs and sympathy and HERE THEY ARE.

You have done the best thing you can do and I applaud your responsibility with Mystic. I can totally understand and I wish you and your pups the very best. I hope Blaze will recover handily and feel much better soon.

glenmar

My personal opinion?  There is NOTHING for Mystic to forgive.  I'm thinking she'll go dancing to the Bridge thanking her Mom for freeing her from her demons.

LISTEN to Glenda.  This is absolutely the truth.  Psychological pain is no different than physical pain for a dog - worse because things like this put a barrier between them and their loved ones.  She loves people, crowds, activity but she'd never be able to go play for fear she'd turn on a random dog and put not only a canine, but human life/limb in danger.  I saw a friend get in the middle of a dogfight once - I may have nightmares about that for a lifetime and I'm not the least bit sqeamish.

Just like a dog with a fatal genetic flaw, she's had the deck stacked against her and you've gone as far as human efforts can take her.  She's a terrific, well-adjusted dog considering what you've seen she's capable of.  BUT, once this cycle begins it's rare to see anyone, even an expert, who can stop the spiral into obsessive aggression.

As you know, I sort of specialize in aggression in my rescue efforts.  There's been three times I've had to directly put down a dog for mental disease (ie, I took the dog to the vet myself instead of "ordering" it through a vote).  All three times, there's a  transformation the moment the sedative starts taking effect.  Seeing that has led to both my firm belief in the kindness of euthanasia for the right reasons, and animal afterlife.  From fear and struggling and rage, their eyes light up with relief and intelligent joy - and normalness - before relaxing peacefully, probably the first time in months or years.

For me, the real tragedy was that the owners of these dogs had let it get to the point where it took pre-euth sedative to give their dogs some peace, and then passed the problem on to a stranger.  Letting her go now when her aggressive moments are not the norm is a great gift you can give her.

I'll be thinking and praying for you and your family on Wednesday.  Give her, and your other dogs, a big hug from me. 

Boy howdy, do I know how you feel. That feeling of failure because she is going down on your watch. You are doing what you must and it takes as much bravery if not more to make this decision because of the personal responsibility. Many people could drop her off at a shelter or rescue and walk away and not think about it. But you feel all of it. But I think this is going to be best for you, Mystic, and everyone. And she will be at the Bridge, galloping around and acting like a clown, free of the fears of this world.

glenmar

My personal opinion?  There is NOTHING for Mystic to forgive.  I'm thinking she'll go dancing to the Bridge thanking her Mom for freeing her from her demons.

Absolutely -- this is "freedom" for her.  There is nothing TO forgive because she knows she loves you and this way you can show her how much you love her.

 I wish I could thank each of you individually for your wonderful messages.  I can't tell you how much they have helped me.  I go back and read this thread over and over.

 Wednesday was very hard.  Our appointment was a 2 so Mystic and I spent the day driving around and running errands.  She was so good.  We went to Petsmart and she must have mooched 20 (ok, exagerating a little) biscuits off the cashiers.  I almost broke down though when the cashier was talking to her and said "we're just gonna be friends for life, aren't we"  She got lots of loving and everyone commented on how sweet she was.  And of course, beautiful.  

We really did go out on a high note, Petsmart that morning, last Thursday w/ the Priestess's kids, and last weekend the weather was gorgeous so Mystic, Co-Co, the BF and I took a long hike along the C&O Canal.  I couldn't have asked for better times.

The procedure went very well.  I was so worried Mystic would get scared or upset, but she didn't.  She just said there getting loved on by me and Christi (the girl holding her, she's a friend of my sister).  Candi (sister) injected her and she was gone almost instantly, but in that instant I felt my heart break.  I wasn't sure I would know, but I could literally see the exact moment her life was gone and I felt like I'd just been punched.

Part of me hasn't completely accepted it yet.  I still expected to be greeted by her when I open the door.  I still immediately sure the rooms as I walk in to see if she has destroyed anything.  I didn't pick up her food bowl until last night.  I miss her.  I miss her sticking her face right by mine in the morning when she hears the alarm go off.  

Well, I'm at work, so I need to go before I break out into tears again.  I just wanted to let you all know what happened.  And to thank you again for all your good thoughts/vibes/prayers.  I really needed them and am so thankful for them.

I love this place, you all have given me more support than I ever could have wished for and it really helped more than I can explain.  You all are the best.

You gave Mystic the very greatest gift you could give her.  It was a true gift of love.  You freed her from her demons and helped her to the Bridge with love and with dignity.  We've been thinking about you all week, but didn't want to intrude on a difficult time for you.

Msytic is happy and free and at peace now.  Now the healing needs to start for you.  Just let us know what you need and we'll do everything we can to help.

(((( Hugs ))))

Mystic is running free with pure joy and nothing to haunt her now.  I'm glad that your last few days were full of fun and you have wonderful memories of her.

Steph, I'm so glad you posted.  I was thinking of you Wednesday and hoped you were doing okay.

The first few weeks after she is gone will be hard - you will still look for Mystic.  It's normal to expect to see her where she was.  Even though you picked up her bed or bowl, you still look where it was, still feel like you are forgetting something or someone.  Even when you shop for dog food, toys, etc., you will be reminded once again she's not there.  You'll feel sad and want to cry - again, very natural.  When I lost Shari, I felt like that for about 4 months.  She was my only dog, and after 15 years, our routine was pretty well set.  I had a really hard time.

I wish I was closer because I'd just put my arms around you and hug you and we could cry together.  I'm so very sorry for your pain and loss.  Run free, Mystic.

What a tough day.  I did the same thing with a bichon boy, only 3 years old but he spent most of his life having 'fear episodes' and many vets later, no one knew what was going on with him.  Eventually he started drawing blood on me and my husband so it was time to let him go. It still hurts to this day, thinking maybe I did something wrong, or maybe I should have tried harder, but in the end, he is free from his demons and fears.

Take care.

Just plain quiet, silent hugs and hand-holding.  I'm here any time ....

 I'm so glad you posted. I have been checking this thread for updates. Your post brought tears to my eyes though. My heart is really breaking for you. I'm so sorry.

You know I have been thinking of you all week and especially yesterday.  Hugs. 

Cyber hugs don't seem nearly adequate enough at a time like this. My heart aches for you. What you did took such great courage and love. As others said, the feeling that it isn't real is normal. It took me quite some time to not feel that heaviness in my heart every time I came home and realized Jake wasn't there. I couldn't put his things away for quite awhile either. There will come a time when you will be able to think of Mystic and remember the wonderful memories without feeling sad, but it does take time. Until then, be especially kind to yourself.

 Steph, this is the MOST selfless thing you could have done for her.  I am in awe at what you did for her, from beginning to end.  Biggest hugs!