Bi-polar Type 2?

I am an Unmedicated Bi-Polar by my own choice.  I was diagnosed 10 years ago. They have at one point  or another had me on EVERYTHING... frequently  at the same time.  The result was I was a walking Zombie.... the meds quieted most of the voices in my head but not the ones that encouraged suicide. In fact most of them made it far worse.  I gained 60 pounds , could no longer work my dogs in a ring, was a poor companion and struggled to manage the family in the mid years , then 3 years ago I went off the meds. And Believe me they can really pile them on !! 19 in the morning, another 11 at noon then an even dozen before bed.  I felt I rattled when I walked !! Some drugs added weight, others reduced activity, one had me up sleep walking and shopping on the Internet !! It was not until the packages began to arrive that I realized something was up!!  As I felt the last of my ability begin to slip away I went to the doctor and had them put me in the hospital for a very very long 10 day period where they monitored my health as I went off of every drug I had been put on.  It took another year before I was whole once more.

Now I refuse the psychotropic drugs that doctors  seem determined should rule my days.  It was rough as I learned other coping methods but happily the best  medicine I could ever want came back as the drugs were eliminated, my sense of humor.  I do meditation and focus exercises then my thoughts race and my head if filled with noise.  I recognize my hallucinations for what they are, since I experience audio, olafactory and visual under great stress.  If something bugs me enough I allow myself to check it out and thankfully my family was by my side as I learned to deal with all of it.  Now I will use Xanax only if the stress is overwhelming ( like the week of Jasmine's passing)  or when I will have the surgery and they will pack my nose, I know that is going to be a panic point. But I ask for the smallest amount of meds to get my through the experience and I journal. I use a Pain Management doctor to deal with my meds and we do them on a month to month basis to prevent addiction and abuse.  I also found when I am Manic High I get an amazing amount of housework done , and I feel very little pain. When Manic Low I am unable to move for hours to a day or so.  I bring the dogs into my room and curl up in the quiet. The tv will stay on to allow me to focus drifting thoughts away from the depression and into a white zone if nothing else.  This took an incredible amount of work and commitment. I have lost all the weight and more , I care for my grandchildren and dogs and we show when we are able to.  I am most fortunate that my husband stood by me and my family had my back. They also prefer me off the prescription drugs and back in the real world. 

Bi-Polar is a tough life to live. But it is up to the person who has it to choose Life or meds.  I wish you the best of Luck either way and if you ever need to vent you can hollar to me, I really do understand.  And being Bi-Polar is nothing to be ashamed of. I graduated college, worked as a RN in the ER and Oncology wards was a heck of a corporate wife and Mom, I have traveled the world and the United States... Funny thing about Bi-Polars  More people are BP than anyone is ever likely to realize .

Bonita of Bwana

If you don't mind me asking, have you been on other anti-depressants? Why did your doctor choose welbutrin in particular? What things did they think suggest bipolar II?

It seems odd that they'd jump to bipolar II due to one medication poop out.  

Lamictal is not a bad choice either way - it can help regular old depression as well as depression in people with bipolar. It won't trigger mania, which can be a risk with certain anti-depressants.  

 My brother was landed in the hospital during a manic episode 3 years ago.  He spent about a week under observation and meeting with doctors and group sessions.  Got his diagnosis and some initial meds.  I think it took about a year for the meds to be straightened out.  This whole time his employer was super understanding.  He is still working there.  Last weekend he got married. 

Bipolar can be scary.  But you're right about this new diagnosis explaining some of the troubles you have had up until now.  My brother was also diagnosed as depressed at first.  On a couple different meds that never helped.

That first year was a journey for him.  He learned so much about himself and how to manage the disease with a minimal amount of medication.  He knows that exercise and eating right are huge.  He really needs to stick to a routine and make sure he gets enough sleep.  He has learned to recognize when he is starting to get worked up over something and how to calm back down.

I look at my brother no differently than my diabetic MIL.  They both have physical medical conditions that require long term attention.  

Things may be hard in the beginning............but this doesn't have to be the worst thing in your life.  I can honestly say that my brother is now perhaps the happiest he's ever been.

My brother is Bipolar Type 2 and I am also a social worker at a state psychiatric hospital. Similar to your story, my brother also had a diagnosis of Major Depression for several years with very little success on only antidepressants. While he was able to get out of bed finally, he was very irritable, could not sleep, cut himself all over his body during fits of rage, and could become very threatening towards others. I have seen similar cases in our hospital.

Unfortunately Type 2's are often misdiagnosed as straight up depression as it's usually "depression" the person complains of. However, people with Major Depression and Bipolar Type 2 experience the depression in a different way. An antidepressant like Welbutrin helps some, but has a greater risk of throwing a bipolar person into a manic or hypomanic state. This may mean an increase in irritability, lack of sleep, etc. However, when paired with a mood stabilizer like Lamictal (or Lithium, Depakote, etc), it is more likely to help with the depression without going overboard. My brother has been tried on a number of different combos, but has had the best luck on Lamictal (mood stabilizer) and Lexapro (antidepressant). Of course, every person is different in their symptoms, severity, and the biological effects the meds will have. Unlike Bonita's experience, taking meds does NOT make everyone into "zombies." Type 1 people are more prone to mania (extreme energy, racing thoughts, feelings of invincibility, etc) are more likely to feel like "zombies" just because they are used to running a lot faster both mentally and physically than the average person. Type 2's typically have an easier time with the meds. With meds, my brother (as well as many of my past patients) has been able to pursue a college degree, work successfully in a job that requires he be able to operate heavy machinery, and get married. You would never know he had a mental illness if he didn’t tell you.

In short, finally having a name and reason for what you’ve been experiencing can be very liberating. It’s not a moral failing or personal weakness anymore as people often worry, but a chemical deficit in the brain. With the right meds, counseling, and some education, you can reclaim your life. Good luck & if there is anything I can help with, feel free to send me a message.

For much of my life, I struggled with serious mental illness, including about five years where I was so delusional/suicidal that I was unable to work. For almost the last decade, I have been back to working as an attorney/advocates for individuals with serious mental illness. I spent several years facilitating self advocacy/self help groups in locked facilities.

That said, the best two pieces of advice I can give you are to make sure you have a doctor and/or a therapist that you trust/feel listened to by, and that you become aware of what your triggers are for depression/mania, etc. Here is a great website http://www.mentalhealthrecovery.com/ that will help you understand what helps or triggers you.

I guess there is a last piece of advice: there is no one medication or way of coping with mental health issues that works the best for everyone.  Try something, think about it, discuss it with your support system (including your providers), keep it if it helps.  Good luck -- you are not alone.

 Agnes

I'm also bi-polar, which became obvious from ssri's making me very manic. I take Lamictal and Lexapro and it doesn't make me feel like a zombie- just closer to normal. :) I don't think any medicine is going to be a cure, but for me it does help A LOT to make my issues more manageable. Edited to add that my thryoid and all my bloodwork is completely normal.

I was not advocating refusal of medication, simply stating a fact it does not always work as thought.  The advice to find a therapist / doctor you can trust is essential.  I more I tried to stream line my meds the more my particular doctor increased them. And for every drug there are potential side effects.  Rather than work with the least amount I was unfortunate enough to have 2 different psychiatrists who felt if this drug made you more prone to mania then let's add this drug to control it, and it that drug made you sleep then we can add another to pep you up, if that one made you eat every carb on the planet then there is always another that will kill your appetite, of course that drug also made you less inclined to  exercise since it reacted to the first drug you had been on. It became, for me a vicious circle. I tried very hard to be compliant and work with the doctors but in the end I was profoundly over medicated.  I had a family member with me at every appointment to make sure I would understand how to use the meds and they also assisted in making sure I did so as prescribed. For me, when I refer to a Zombie state it was pretty literal I lost nearly 3 years of my life. I was able to function but have very little memory of a large space of time. We took trips across the country and if I did not have pictures of me in other places I would swear I'd never been there. Through it all I was considered funny, charming and easy going. But the loss of memory was not worth it to me.  My choice of going off meds was not an easy one as there were so many people opposed to that action.  I did my research and did some heavy soul searching. I promised my family should I ever require them I would go back on them.  After going off my meds I spent 2 and a half years in weekly therapy with a wonderful woman.  Bi Polar is a tough diagnosis. When you think of mentally ill people most of the world thinks of someone incapable of making good choices and being able to function at higher levels.  Bi Polars have a tendency to be able to multitask well and many are highly creative.  The intuition of a Bi Polar makes us wonderful with animals and children.  And the fact that most of us have above average intelligence makes the stigma of a metal illness difficult to accept. I know I prefer my therapist's description of it as a disorder not a disease. She is known to explain it is a difficulty dealing with mental clutter.  We feel very intensely and think very quickly. If we do not learn methods to allow ourselves to achieve a calming and organized state then we get in trouble.

Manic behavior is an everyday thing. And living your life being able to manage complicated and chaotic families and jobs is a source of pride for many of us.  I do more with less sleep than any of my friends.  And thankfully most people still think me funny , charming and easy going.

Bonita of Bwana

Dog_ma

If you don't mind me asking, have you been on other anti-depressants? Why did your doctor choose welbutrin in particular? What things did they think suggest bipolar II?

It seems odd that they'd jump to bipolar II due to one medication poop out.  

Lamictal is not a bad choice either way - it can help regular old depression as well as depression in people with bipolar. It won't trigger mania, which can be a risk with certain anti-depressants.  

I don't mind you asking. 

I have had mental issues for a while--I tried to kill myself as a senior in HS but never actually got help until after I was married and the depression seemed to be affecting our marriage.  I went to a family doctor and he put me on Zoloft and upped the dose quite a bit ( I can't remember how much it was now).  At first it worked and I was on it for a while and then it just stopped working.  I was off anything for a 1 1/2 to 2 years and then the depressive episodes got worse and so I went to my new family doctor and he gave me Welbutrien.  It worked for a while and then the depressive episodes came back and were worse than before I was put on the welbutrien--as in suicidal thoughts bad.  Out of frustration I decided that it wasn't doing anything anyway so I just stopped taking it on my own.

I guess they think it's bipolar because I do have mood swings.  I'll have periods of extreme, scary bitchiness for no good reason (there have been times I've posted on here during those episodes and then gone back and changed it later because I felt bad that it was so nasty), have times when I'll just want to talk and talk and talk as fast as I can like what I have to say just *has* to be said as quickly has possible (I'm not normally like this), sometimes I'll be driving in the car and have so much energy I feel like I need to just pull over and walk or I'm going to scream.  Also, DH and my sex life is rather strange.  I'll be super interested in sex for a 2 or 3 of days and than not hardly at all for weeks.

I think they thought it was a red flag that I have a family history of mental issues--my dad is an alcoholic and his dad was one, my dad's mom had an extremely addictive personality and would mix pills and booze, my mom's uncle died of his alcoholism, 2 of my mom's sisters have been medicated for depression and both of their daughters have been medicated at some point for ADD/ADHD.

The counselor also diagnosed me with OCD anf the 344 question test I took apparently indicated some attention/concentration issues, but the doctor that prescribed the meds said that I should not jump to the conclusion that I have ADD because often attention problems are a symptom of the bipolar....    

I just wanted to thank everyone for their supportive and helpful comments.  I do feel a bit better knowing that there are others going through stuff and leading normal lives.  I really have felt like a bit of a freak through all of this--I feel like my brain needs an overhaul.....

I'm glad you are finding a way to handle it. It's got to be very scary to be in those states and either not understand what is going on, or to endure them in spite of medication that is supposed to help. Sometimes, it reminds me of the show, "House." They run through every diagnosis in the book, nearly killing the patient. At the end, it turns out to be tapeworm or toxin from moldy bread.

I'm hoping that medical diagnosis of mental or emotional problems will find better paths than the old "let's throw something on the wall and see if it sticks" method. Then again, because each person is unique in biochemistry, they can't just give a blanket drug, though, for a while, that seemed like the thing to do. In the 90's, it seemed like everyone was getting prescribed Zoloft or Prozac as if it were the panacea.

I had a friend who was diagnosed manic/depressive. This was in addition to the societal pressures against her because she is gay, which alone tests the strength of a person. She took lithium which didn't help everything and Zoloft didn't help at all. Prozac stopped the voices in her head but it made her sluggish and hard to focus, which was depressing as she was in college majoring in art and needed the focus to accomplish her work. She had a lot of frustration. Here was a problem, a real, medical problem, and no one knew how to tackle it, save to use her as a guinea pig for the latest pill.

Anyway, we're glad to have you here.

So bipolar 2 seems like a reasonable diagnosis. One thing to keep in mind is that quite a few researchers think there is a bipolar spectrum, with more variations than strict bipolar 1 or 2. So go with what works and helps you feel better, and don't worry too much about the official label that gets slapped on you.

I highly suggest you (and anyone else!) take fish oil if you aren't already doing so. Fish oil acts as both a mood stabilizer and an antidepressant, and can help prescription meds work better. And its all natural, good for your hair, and has no side effects! The effective dose is around 1,000 mg.

Also important is keeping regular sleep habits. Too little or too much sleep can mess with mood. Daily sunshine (or light therapy) and daily exercise for 20 min each is also good for depression. 

You're not a freak, and you are not alone!

A lot of what you describe is a journey many people share.

From what I've learned, there is definately a combination of nature/nurture which contributes to this condition.

Having your thyroid checked is a good suggestion. I had hyper-thyroidism for many years. After several doctors (who said it was all in my head), I finally went to an expert who nailed it down before all of the test results were even in.

How we are raised - such as if we had negative, abusive, and/or controlling parents who did not build our confidence or self-esteem, alcoholic or violent environments, abandonment...can all add to the problem.

Perfectionistic personalities and/or those with ODC in addition to depression and/or bi-polar disorders, is a lot to deal with.

Finding the right doctor, working through past issues which we had no control over, diet, exercise, sleep, and the appropriate meds (if needed), can all be a step in the right direction.

Hang in there!

sillysally

The counselor also diagnosed me with OCD anf the 344 question test I took apparently indicated some attention/concentration issues, but the doctor that prescribed the meds said that I should not jump to the conclusion that I have ADD because often attention problems are a symptom of the bipolar....    

LOL !! 344 questions??!!  I would have been asleep, doodling in the margins or making up absurd answers because I was out of my skull bored..you have a LOT of control Girlfriend!!  I have a great T shirt that says , "They say I have ADD but  I don't ..Ohhh Look a Chicken !!" Another symptom of BPS we have a very smart a** sense of humor... the last therapy visit I wore another T that says "People like You are the Reason People like Me drink"  My therapist just laughed...I think her favorite of my shirts is  either "One act shy a circus"    or  " If you knew my family you would understand" 

  Embrace being different ,  it makes you irreplaceable ! Hugs Bonita of Bwana

ps I know what you mean about the mood swings they can be rough on everyone!  When I feel a rant coming on I write or read till I can breathe again. I have gone 9 months now without a big rant .... a few little snarky ones but that is all.

Dog_ma

So bipolar 2 seems like a reasonable diagnosis. One thing to keep in mind is that quite a few researchers think there is a bipolar spectrum, with more variations than strict bipolar 1 or 2.

Yup, my psychiatrist thinks that I'm somewhere near the mild end of the spectrum.