What Happened to Plain Old Manners ????

    • Gold Top Dog

    What Happened to Plain Old Manners ????

    Goood gosh I hope ya'll don't mind that I just have to vent But good grief I really, really have an issue with simple manners.  I am blown away at how hard it is becoming to stay friends with folks I have known for dang ever

    We went to a dog show this weekend and there had been such a big , I mean BIG, issue about how we had to park together and how we had to hang out like we used to do when all of us showed together all thoes years ago.     I had informed the Hubs I was no longer buying gifts for our Friends for their birthdays and anniversaries Mine is ALWAYS forgotten.  I think 4 times out of over 22 years have they remembered my birthday. Now Bob's is always remmebered, it is tied in with Christmas and another friend's birthday. I have always bought lovely gifts, made sure the presentation was as pretty or fun as humanly possible and tried to make sure the gift was really something they would relate to or feel they had been thought of.

    So The Hubs decides since I said No More that He would step up and buy the gift for our friend .... He had bought me a wonderful wine opener this year, it is operated by co2 and takes no muscle... ( with arthritis and an auto immune problem I do not have reliable strength )  Anywho he ordered this set for her. (30.00 w/o s-h)  To make sure it would present properly I bought a very nice bottle of Chardonay and of course the elegant gift bag and card....   They arrived at the show site much later than we did ...The hubs had insisted we arrive first so that we could hold everyone's spot and set up for the 4 rigs.  We helped them set up, and then DH told me to get the present, I did and gave it to her.  She opened it and muttered small compliments,  "Gee that is neat, what a pretty bag".... I explainled how the opener worked and that Bob had not just picked it out but ordered it and made sure we were there until it arrived.  I asked he if she had a cold bottle of wine she would like to try it on... I then got an earful about how cheap her huuby was.  I said I did have a semi sweet red in the fridge ( I was saving it for Bob and I ) She said that would be great.... So I brought it out and showed her how to use it.  She commented on how clever it was and her husband thought it was neat... Great right??  Then she said "Ohhh this is a sweet wine isn't it?"  I agreed it was sweeter than our normal wines, and she said " Yeck, I don't want a sweet wine."   I was a bit floored but instead said "no problem you don't have to drink it "    She made this enourmous dramatic sigh and went off into a tirade about her diabetes which she apparently had not been testing or treating.....   okie dokie I tried to blow it off and after she had drank 2 more glasses of chardonay she told me she wanted a glass of mine,  I kept reminding myself on how my mother would have dealt with this. I asked her about her diabetes and was waved off. I poured her a small glass of the rose well ...she took a big sip , a dramatic big sip and made a face, " Yeuuu I can't drink anything THAt sweet!" I apologized and reached for her glass to put it away.  It was not an inexpensive bottle and I knew my husband would have no issue finishing it for her... she waved my hand off and said " No. NNOOOO ....I'll try to finish itl"   Hmmm so gather up my bags etc and pour Bob another glass. then my Friend starts in on politics. I WILL NOT discuss politics when every one is stone cold cober. politis are personal and I do not want to ruin a frinedship over them.  She is a die hard republican.  I get insane amounts of email and chain mail from her and she only stopped when I promised to donate to my party candidates in her name every time she sent me this crud.  She had had just enough to drink that I could not shut her up. And I would not be drawn into the " discussion"  Finally excusing myself early and forgoing the lovely evening to go to bed and avoid what I knew would be a problem,   Again I had a very minimal Thank you for the gift.

    Next morning I was setting up my trash bin, a little portable set up that gives a lid keeping flies etc away, she commented on how much she wanted one. DH mentions I have an extra.  I offer it to her and she says in a very lame manner that she could pay me for it IF I need the money. I know this person she will not have a bill under a 50.00 so I said Consider it an extra BD gift. Again not a thank you, just weak gee that's nice. 

    So that is a sucky kind of weekend right? Heck no it gets worse..really it does.  There are 3 of us who are the same breed. The ones with the 4 adopted special needs kids arrive first.I had warned them That my grand daughter has a rash called fifth disease. It is a simple lacy rash that sometimes has a mild temp. All of the school has had it and we had been getting letter after letter on it. So far we had done great but this am  I am up , making coffee, feeding the 4 year oild, feeding the 5 dogs, medicating 2, getting my hair done, grooming the 2 dogs I am showing tidying the rv and the Hubs is taking a shower and getting himself ready..( you would think HE was going in the ring!!)  I had set up Ceattle's expen  with her baby toys, an  impromtu kitchen set up , dishes , fake food, baby bed, stroller, books and art supplies. I realize they may not be comfortable having thier kids play with her and the rash so I tried to set her up to allow her to play by herself if need be. They check out the set up and now it is decided they can all play together.    Gee how about I move my kid's stuff over to their campsite????  Ahhh No. Sorry but I can not move all of this gear and reset it all up and do it where she would be out of my sight a great deal. There was some pouting. Please keep in mind from the time I knew for sure she was coming I called and emailed telling them thay had to bring some toys for thier kids, they tend to bring next to nothing since the kids are really hard on toys breaking and throwing them away/// of course there are NO toys brought.

    By the second day, after my grand daughter had been feeling alone and abandoned, they send their kids over to play in our campsite.  Ceattle threw a tea party, I speant the next several hours cleaning up after kids that apparently could not keep the yoghurt in cups or the fruit on plates. It was ridiculous!! I am mopping up and they are laughing thinking it really funny . My 4 year old was upset!!

    So again you think it has to get better right???? Nope the kids throw Ceattle's toys in the lake , ( sheer meaness) and when the parents were confronted on it they laughed and commented on what little Sh*ts they are ...hee hee hee Isn't it really funny??? My little one is sobbing and they thought she was a wimp.

    I fish all of her things out of the lake and tell them to go home to their moms, they can't the mom's had borrowed BOTH golf carts to go watch BIS and visit with friends, they didn't tell any of us... well they told the woman who was sleeping because she was ill. I clean up Ci's stuff and get dinner ready. by now DH is giving me grief because I wanted to puppy match. A much loved family friend was coming in to visit so he flet I should sit there for the duration.... okay I did. He wanted appetizers made and I did that too, again presesntation is important to me and I was grumped out because in his opnion I over did it///they were cute trays I bought at Target on the dollar rack. but since it looked really good I obviously blew major bucks....  No one else kicked in an appetizer but I'll be darned if one of the folks didn;t take a paper plate and shovel over 1/2 of the guacamole on her plate. My Guac is legendary, honestly I really can make wonderful. wonderful guac.  I thought Hmmm she must be taking some back for the others in her group since it was getting time to let dogs out.... nope she sat down and ate all of it!!  dinner which I had also made went over really well and I spean great time withour friend who has been a wonderful puppy family/

    At no point did I have anyone available for me if I need a second to help with winning dogs, Thank the Stars for a lady I have known a long time.

    She took a dog back in for me. I had asked to do  nails and was blown off for 3 days straight... well that isn't 100% true They did offer to help at 11:30 at night.  My grandkid was uncomfortable since they all wanted to eat really late. we eat early. My kids go to school and all of them are kept on a schedule.  So trying to keep up with her friends made her one very , very tierd baby.

    So My friends are relatively new parents and I know how expensive it is to take the pictures of your kids that are important when they are growing up. I asked for all of the kids to work with on film. I had brought drapes and props the whole shebang... they said they only wanted snaps of one. After all the others go to school and they get picts of them every year anyway..... HUH !!!!!?????

    I explained this was not negociable. if they wanted snaps of the one they had to let me take pics of ALL of them. I took over 175 snaps. They are not easy kids to get photos of.  While they should be very photogentic they have a lot of issues and it makes it hard to get them in the mood and swing of snaps. The youngest who for all intents and purposes is the " most normal" has issues too but the worst of them is she is sooo dang spoiled it is not fun to try to work with her. While her adoring momma was there she played it for all she was worth. The next day I took them with me and got a lot of really good shots. Now if I can figure out photoshop I can adjust the single kid in any given photo that either was not smiling or had thier eyes closed.   I put a big group of the better shots together in a small photo album and gave them to them. I admitr I was proud of them , I knw how hard it is to photograph these kids.   You won't guess what they said.....  "Why is the Color off?"  If you could could crop the photos and just get the baby in them you would have a great picture....."     I explained I had taken rather a lot of snaps and that I had not had time to play with color, instead of a simple Thank You I got "That's alright,    This one kid is a really photogenic kid" And more crud about why I had insisted on including the rest of the kids...."   I admit I was freaked out. The Birthday girl who could not find the time once to come watch us show was grumping about everything else. I never did hear another mention about her gift, she did not even bother to show the others who we were parking with.  The parents who kept vanishing felt "Blessed" because they had  such a great babysitter next door. The friend we have loved for ages could not talk anything but politocs and how much she resented the RR folks who had "allowed" their dog to "agress" her IW.

    My phone calls from my kids came to wish me a Happy Mom's day, I made sure the kids had done the same for them ... I spoke with a few close friends and ended up buying my own MD dinner since the Hubs felt we had more than enough food on board and it made no sense to buy a meal.  He did buy me lovely and soft handling set of show leads. 

    I know all it sounds like is I am grumping non stop. But seriously I would have been drawn and quartered had I trated anyone giving me a gift this poorly.  I was not expecting a ode or sonnet writting in my honor but darn it how hard could it have been to say thanks? I like this one best , or gee this will be so cute framed?  My daugher called me to wish me a Happy M Day and the other daughter did the same. ne2 syu  is expected t
    to spend money they don't have , the 3 step daughters who I have helped raise since they were under 9 ignored me altogether, just as they do my birthday...but that is okay with thier dad as long as I never forget an occaision for them and their kids. I never have.

    Yep Simple Manners,  what on earth happened to them?? I had more puppy folk contact me to wish me a H M D than relatives. I had less pressure from these folks than the ones I have been friends with for over 2 decades.  The hubs wanted me to turn in over an hour ago but I was wound up and needed to vent. I did try to appraoch the issue with him hoping for  a bit of clarification and even, and this was the slimest of possibilities , validation.....  oh well  That did n't happen. I had best close and I want to thank anyone who took the time to read the very grumpy and self pitying post/  I really try not to go there often but every once in a while venting keeps you from losing friend ships.  I am posting a few silly new snaps I hope you will enjoy them if you get a chance to peek at them.  Give me a rating if it isn't too much trouble okay ??

    hugs Bonita of  Bwana

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    • Gold Top Dog

    Yeowsah.  Looks like the higher standards you are being held to (either by your friends, family, or yourself) are not being returned in the least.  I'm guessing this is the reason you don't hang w/these people as much.  Maybe the pressure of showing made them grumpy and self-centered?  Dunno.

    But maybe the next time they suggest getting together, it would be time to say - "you know, I had a miserable time the last time we did it, so I don't think so."  At least, that's what I'd want to do.  When they ask why, I'd calmly explain the worst of the worst - the smaller things will only get poo-poo'd away by these folks.  And then let them make amends, or ignore it all.  BUt at least I'd given them a chance to recognize what they did to me, and make it right.  If they chose not to, I'd make the choice if it was worth it to stay friends.

    In any event, give yourself a break from these expectations for a bit.  You have earned it!!  

    • Gold Top Dog

    Geez.  I just can NOT imagine not being grateful for a gift (any gift) and/or complaining about someones wine. It sounds like you need a whole new bunch to hang with. Just MHO, but I think they're starting to take advantage of you ... and in a not-so-nice way.

    Joyce

    • Gold Top Dog

    Personally I have to work on passive aggressiveness--I find myself saying things I oughtn't in regards to other people--I get into lots of trouble when I talk about people's pets/animals.  My husband is helping me with that, though, for which I'm grateful.  He points out when it happens, anyway, and not usually in too mean of a way.  Wink

    But, seriously, I wouldn't go to shows with them anymore.  Find someone else to share equally in show tasks and to help out--someone who will give you a hand in return.  Too bad we're not closer!  I would hang out with you, and my daughter would have a blast playing with your granddaughter.  Smile 

    • Gold Top Dog

    Seems its always family and close/long standing friends tt get taken for granted.... you juest get use dto the idea that they will "always be there no matter what".  I know its no excuse, but it's probably the reason it was the relatives and old friends taht treated you the crappiest..... 

    The bit about throwing the toys in the lake would have had me HOPPING mad!!  In fact I am mad just thinking about it!
     

    • Gold Top Dog

    Yeah, definitely.  What would have happened if you had thrown, say...their crates in the lake or something?  Or their show leads? 

    • Gold Top Dog

    I agree that it was a pretty crappy weekend! Our family has done a lot of weekends away with our sons' baseball teams and I can totally relate to your story. Been there. Done that. If I may offer a suggestion - try not to be sooooo nice! I used to wear myself out trying to over do everything. Like you I brought the toys. I served the snacks (homemade of course). I also became the 'family' photographer. No one else even bothered to take pictures because I made sure to snap everyones kid on the team and then pay for the development. I even made little albums for them. Despite the fact that I enjoyed doing all this stuff, I would get upset when I felt like my efforts were not appreciated. Then I realized that no one asked me to do any of it. I did it all on my own. I made all that work for myself. I imposed all the pressure myself, not my friends, not my family. Me! So I just stopped and I was much happier. I actually thought my friends would miss all the extras, but you know what - not really.

    • Gold Top Dog

    Goodness.  too bad you're not closer to me.  I had a good weekend - went coursing.  Honestly, sounds like you need some new friends. 

    • Gold Top Dog

    I guess I totally agree with the advice that the pressure is pretty much self imposed.  It was always so easy to take the pictures since I really enjoy doing it and have a reasonable eye for it.  I love celebrations and what was once fun is now just a rut. While I enjoy making  really nice appetizers and love a great wine, the Hubs and friends are content to let me deal with all of it. I had said I would NOT go to Jackson Tn , it isn't a significant point or show so why on earth would I want to spend my limited show budget and drive up there to deal with the same folks yet again???  DH decided we were going.... I tried to explain my view and he blew me off.  Said he was going and taking my boy. I asked who would be showing him? he shrugged and said he would find someone.... I have several folks lined up wanting to handle him , he is a fine boy and it really ticked me off that he decided to manipulate me with the insistance to take him.   So Ceattle and I will go and we will take OUR toys, we will set up OUR play area and I will ignore the rest of them...they want to see passive aggressive...HAH!! We Irish invented it !!  So I am thinking PB&J s , cold cereal and the heck with champagne.    My budget is not going to handle it this trip.  In fact I think Ceattle and I will take some board games and her favorite polly pocket dolls and we will watch tv together ....

    I am so not a cheap punky person,  And I really do love to celebrate my friend's wins and my own.  But I think we will take a break from it.   I did go ahead and put all of the photos I took of my friend's dogs and kids and stuck them on a disc, since I had an email waiting for me when I got home asking me to print specific photos .... even "requests" for specific sizes wallets, and 8x10s ...they said they would trust my judgement on the frames but could I stick with carved wooded styles since that would look best in their new bedroom.....  Yeah it is "great" to be so appreciated isn't it?

    I have to finish all of my emails and then get the third grade's field trip scrapbook put together ,    yeah I was field trip mom and since none of the other moms showed up for a class of 19 I took a ton of pictures of that too.. oh and I need to put the video clips of the Kindergarden Circus together I really enjoyed doing their makeup .. sigh My therapist needs to address this with me don't you think? Embarrassed

    Bonita of Bwana

    • Gold Top Dog

    When we were doing the RV dogshow stuff, there'd be 4 or 5 of us and we'd all bring something to eat, share, sit out and tell tall tales.  I think we'd plan who was bringing meat, or if it was bring your own.  Lots of fun.  Personally, I'd love to go to a party where I had to bring a bottle of wine, an appie and a dessert.  No main course, just apppies, dessert and alcohol.  Sounds like a blast!  I think wine tasting parties sound like a lot of fun.  Be fun to pick a country or area and see what happens.  Say, Italian wines and pasta, or shiraz from anywhere, or local wines, or South African.  Hey!  If you come out this way, we'll do an African party with African wines to honor our African dogs.  O'kay?  (Have no idea what kind of food something African?  what would that be?)

    • Gold Top Dog

     Bonita, I have been thinking about your post all day...I know how you feel.  Sometimes people who try the hardest to make things perfect, pretty, yummy, just  do it because they want to and can do it.  I do that often also.  Others either don't know how, don't care about trying to learn, or would rather let someone else do it.  It stinks...  I know I tried and learned how to return...but it seems like these days are much different. 

    I thank you for trying to keep some concern for others in this world...we need a bit more of that brightness. 

    • Gold Top Dog

    Choose the right frames?  Only the baby needs to be in the picture? Throws toys in the lake? OMG, these people are AWFUL! I swear, if they are in the same breed, this would make me consider changing breeds just to get AWAY from them!  Not that I would, but these folks have taken the word "advantage (of)" to a whole 'nother level.

    Whenever I show with a friend, I always do my darndest to do my part.  I bring my share of the food and help walk dogs (yes, those who aren't mine too!) clean up dog poo, feed, move crates, etc. That is just what you're supposed to do, for Pete's sake!

    You are right to feel put upon. 

     

    • Gold Top Dog

    Oh...they can complain about the pictures being 'off' but then turn around and what you to frame them for them?!? On top of all the other crappiness from them over the weekend?!? Ugh....there are just no words.  You seem to be just a really lovely person and they should be honored to have a friend like you.  If a friend of mine did everything you described I would feel like I needed to find *some* way to repay the kindness, not treat everything you did as if I were entitled to it.

    Sorry you were bummed out by you're friends and family this weekend....here's to better times ahead Drinks cheers

    • Gold Top Dog

    marty_ga

      Others either don't know how, don't care about trying to learn, or would rather let someone else do it.   

    And yet ... these "others" are the ones who always do the complaining about how the ones who are actually doing something are doing it.  Ever notice that -  and feel like giving someone a poke in the eye with a sharp stick?

    Joyce

    • Gold Top Dog

    You may find this new photo funny, Jasmine knew just how upset Ceattle and I were after the misbehavior on the kid's part so she stood guard at Ceattle's play house outside our rv making sure the kids could not play with Cici's toys without permission. I thought it was rather precious.  She has been my best friend for over a decade, this is one small example why....

    Sorry It couldn't post it to the thread I still am a cyber trogolodyte!

    Bonita of Bwana