brookcove
Posted : 4/11/2006 8:09:59 AM
Why is "nice" creepy? Some people just choose to live their lives in such a way that they add to the world's happiness rather than take away from it. I wish I could be such a person but I constantly catch myself being a whiner and complainer, as if the wonderful things in my life were not sufficient to make me happy.
I grew up in a family of six (my mom had seven but had a late miscarriage). It was intense because the third child was profoundly handicapped, both physically and mentally. I was the oldest and did a lot of the housekeeping work, because mom was pregnant much of the time and very involved with my handicapped brother. I cooked, cleaned, did laundry constantly - I don't think it was ten loads a day but maybe three or four.
Lots of diapers - mom used cloth, which meant not only the diapers had to be washed but the covers and often clothes also had to be changed with each diaper change - and washed. We had three in diapers at once for one memorable year, then at least two for the next three years, and my youngest sister was still in diapers when I left.
We cooked everything from scratch for a long time, until mom found a place that sold some convenience items like macaroni and cheese for less than we could make it. Mom couldn't drive, so we walked everywhere. We never went to movies, we didn't do afterschool stuff, we had one tv and didn't have either cable or a vcr for a long time. Mom made all our clothes and did such a fabulous job that she was much in demand for "outside work" - doing everything from tailoring uniforms to creating wedding dresses and formalwear. Other than this work, we survived on my dad's single income. Thanks to my upbringing, I now don't shy away from preparing homeade meals for my dogs - it's a cinch compared to cooking for eight humans! Picking up poop? Cleaning kennels and crates? It's nothing when I remember cleaning up after four preschoolers and infants in the throes of a stomach virus!
I don't understand why it's difficult to believe that some moms find complete satisfaction in just - being a mom. We nod and smile when someone comes on here and says, "My dogs are my life - if I can't bring my dog somewhere I don't want to go there!" Seems like raising nice kids who will become nice people has more of a far reaching effect on the world than raising nice dogs.
I have a friend who had seven of her own and adopted an eighth (between #6 and #7) . Additionally, they foster crack babies - their adopted child is one of these, in fact. My friend loves being a mom, even enjoyed being pregnant. Her kids are delightful children, very responsible, helpful, adaptable, and of course highly tolerant since they share their home with high needs children from terrible backgrounds. They also share their home with her disabled mother and her dad (who adds his income to that of the household). They recently purchased a large RV so that all twelve of them can take vacations together - and even take her sister's family of five, too.
As to giving kids individual attention - well, my great grandmother raised 13 kids to adulthood while moving westward every few years. Scottish immigrants, my great grandparents joined thousands of people who shared their belief in the late 1800s, that when a town got too big, it was time to carve out a new home further west. I can't imagine raising all those kids in pioneer conditions, but now that I too live the modern farm life and share that with my kids, it's easier to understand the way sharing in the household chores (important stuff, not just makework) shapes children mentally and physically, directs their energy, teaches them responsibility, encourages problem solving skills, and develops a strong sense of self-worth. I've seen it in my own kids. I've seen it in my friend's kids, who all have their own oars to pull in the household. I'd like to know what's wrong with teaching kids to take pride the part they play in a smoothly running household?
I just don't see why we need to pass judgment on this family. It's not like having 17 children is going to become the next great fad - I had two and thank you, that was enough. I certainly hope being nice is not creepy - everyone comments on how "nice" my kids are too and honestly I'll say that I worked awfully hard to get that result, especially with my youngest who is ADHD, but you'd never know - and he is not medicated.
Well, does anyone have a stepstool? I seem to be having some trouble climbing off this high horse . . .[
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