Need some help. 1st anniversary coming up

You could try something silly/romantic at home in addition to whatever else you decide to do. Like rose petals sprinkled places, or a bunch of small sentimental gifts wrapped and put in places around the house where she'd find them (sock drawer, her chair, in her car, on her pillow...). I definitely agree the important thing is to make her feel appreciated. How you do it is up to you, but a few little surprises will show her you've been thinking about her, cared enough to plan something (even if it is last minute, she doesn't have to know!), and want to in some ways thank her for being in your life.

After 40 years (Jan. 28, 1967) you'd think I'd have some suggestions ... but since I came perilously close to spending my first anniversary in jail in Mexico, I think I'll just keep quiet. [] I'm sure you'll think of something.  Any place she's been wanting to visit?
 
Joyce

hkdog -- if you look at all of the above you will get more clues than you first realized.
 
1.  Women like to feel special.  for some of us this means money -- but I doubt it's that with your wife from what you say. 
 
2.  Spending money, etc. will fall flat -- if you look at most of the suggestions above it involves a man **understanding** what makes that woman different from others.  The one who collects china/dishes -- he realized that.  Your idea of the dolphin in the ring -- may have meant a lot to her -- it's the right 'type' of thing if it's not too flash for her. 
 
The best gift my husband ever got me was a big first aid kit for our car so we could stop and help injured animals.  It took him hours and hours to buy it all and assemble it -- but THE THOUGHT!!! Oh my it was wonderful -- he **thought** about me for hours and hours!!  How could I not be completely blown away!!
 
Say the words "I got you that because you like ____________" or "this made me think of the time we ______________". Don't make her guess.
 
DO NOT combine Valentines and your Anniversary. 
 
Talk to her -- ASK her.  "our anniversary is so close to Valentines but I don't want to lose either one -- what would YOU like -- do you want to go out both nights or can I plan a little surprise here for home for one of those nights.  Help me out here - we're still learning how to please each other!!"
 
TRUE STORY: 
 
One Valentines -- we'd been married for ... oh maybe 4-5 years.  My husband had always gotten me these *wonderful* red roses (and even one single long-stemmed red rose will make me into a totally completely tearful love-struck fool just left for me as a token of love). But dang ... every year my husband had treated me to a whole bouquet of my favorites RED ROSES *sigh*.
 
Well this one Valentine's Day I knew he'd left work a bit early and I was eagerly awaiting that bouquet I hoped was forthcoming.  Oh how I LOVE red roses.
 
He comes in ... something behind his back ... oh boy oh boy here it comes!!!!
 
 Out he brings this ENORMOUS "arrangement"  One of those truly "artsy" ones -- huge bird of paradise, long spikey thingamys ... big HUGE dish ... it was .... (and my mouth opened gasping to say ...)
 
"Wow.... that's really .... .... .... interesting!"
 
My astute, but extremely honest husband looked at my face, had the grace to smile but not laugh and said "Wow .... you REALLY **hate** this ... don't you Darling!!  And here I thought it was so ... Neat -- so Unusual and Original and .... DIFFERENT!!!"
 
"Yep ... it's.... um .... different ... YEAH ... it's DIFFERENT!!!"

(give me credit -- I'm TRYING to be er ... positive!!)
 
"You really DO hate it tho ... and I'm sorry ... I truly was there to get roses, just like... well ... *always* ... and I felt badly because I've done that before and ... well, she came out with this and it looked so interesting and different and ... something I'd NEVER done before!! and .... gee, you hate it!"
 
Now you have to understand ... my husband truly saw this as a "learning experience" -- he wasn't making fun of me ... but he wasn't totally making it easy either.  And I had to just be honest back and say
 
"Well, honestly honey -- it's just that I was SO looking forward to those roses -- I knew you were late because you'd likely gone after them, and honestly I've been counting the minutes anticipating them ..."
 
You really LIKE roses then?  Not ... you wouldn't want an arrangement sometimes?"
 
"Honestly honey, I don't LIKE arrangements much ... I truly DO love roses -- even just one single red rose would make me into mush -- I'm just not an artsy arrangement kinda girl!!"
 
It was ... lovely.  It was ... artsy.  But he's right -- I absolutely hated it.  Bird of Paradise make my skin crawl - I find them creepy.  It was ... to me ... stark and just plain ... ugly.  But I grew -- I appreciated ... and lordy, I hoped he fnally "got" the flowers thing!!!
 
Fast forward to Christmas, 10 months later.
 
My husband and I come from very different backgrounds.  And despite the flower debacle I have tried hard to "learn" to please David with gifts ... *sigh* despite the fact that his family's idea of Christmas gifts were calendars, books and candy ... and ... candy calendars and books ... and books candy and ... calendars!!! 
 
David and I had our own little categories of things we knew each other 'liked' and one of my husbands BIGGIE things he likes are "gadgets" ... and our phone system was pretty dreadful and we couldn't keep batteries in the darned thing so I was looking and found this really "cool" set of phones, could put phones thru the whole house (we have always had just one in the living room) and I thot they'd rate REALLY high on the "gadget meter" ... so I got him this phone I KNEW he'd love.
 
He opened it.  And his face fell a mile.  In short order he told me we HAD a phone, we really didn't NEED this phone and ... what on earth did I buy THIS for?
 
In short -- yep he HATED it!!  And In the 10 years we've been married it's the first time he ever said "can we take it back?"
 
Then he looked at me and said "but hey -- I won't ever buy you a floral *arrangement* for Valentines, and you won't ever buy me a phone for Christmas mostly because *you* hate the one we have again either will you!!"
 
We both learned.  And we both still laugh about floral arrangements and phones virtually every holiday.  I don't try to get too practical on him and he respects my true 'likes'.  But it's all in getting to know each other -- and even tho we'd been married 5 years we LEARNED much about each other that year.
 
Don't be afraid to talk to her -- ASK why a present flopped.  She will respect ... more than you can know ... your willingness to try to please.  Gifts tend to touch deep, incredibly sensitive areas. 
 
Good luck!!

fuzzy-dogs mom-- *I* want to hear about the almost-Mexican jail story -- can we huh huh huh?????? (pm me if you don't want to shanghai his thread! LOL)

Thank you all for the great ideas again! I really do like the advice also. You know us men are dumb when it comes to women. We can't read minds but....sometimes it seems like we are supposed to. (I said sometimes!)
Anyway, I have a great idea that she will love. (I hope) Not spending much money either, just making her something, I can't tell just in case she happens along to this website. Not hiding it but you know....
An I want to hear the mexico story to!!! So Hijack the hell out of this post if you want! SHARE!!!!

ORIGINAL: HKdog
You know us men are dumb when it comes to women.

 
You are one of the enlightened ones, you have discovered the truth and will go far.  [sm=biggrin.gif][sm=biggrin.gif]
 
Kate

Please tell my wife that

ORIGINAL: HKdog

Edit: also I saw that clocks are the gift for a first anniversary....my wife is chinese, if you give someone a clock here it means you are waiting for them to die....I think that would be a baaaaadddd idea....(here honey, a huge insurance policy and a clock for a gift!)

LOL! Well at least you know about that custom and you can avoid it. [] I just think it's great that you're putting so much thought into Valentine's Day and your anniversary. No gift ideas, I think you just deserve a lot of credit for the thought you're putting into making those occasions special for your wife.

Sure, Callie.  Nothing interesting or lurid, unfortunately. [][] Our anniversary is Jan.  28, so on that particular Jan. 1 we set off from San Diego to Mexico City ... in a car. Yes folks,  we were young and dumb enough to actually drive to Mexico City.  We figured a week to get there (you couldn't drive at night because of cattle in the middle of the roads) a week there and a week to get home.  On the return trip, a car smacked into us in Mazatlan.  In Mexico, at least then, it was against the law to be involved in an accident.  Go figure. The only thing that saved our butts was the fact that DH spoke Spanish fluently and was able to make  nice with the guy that hit us ... whose family owned the bank, the auto dealership and the brewery. We set up in a little motel on the beach while they ordered parts for our car, which were supposed to arrive in a couple of days.  Dealerships didn't stock parts, so they always had to be ordered from Mexico City. Unfortunately, they sent the wrong parts.  More unfortunately, when they reordered the parts they didn't specify to fly them, so they put them on a truck - a truck whose driver had many different girlfriends to visit in many different little towns.  It took him a little over two weeks to get from Mexico City to Mazatlan - a 16 hr. drive. My mother kept wiring us money to convert and I was convinced we were going to grow old and die on the beach watching the shrimp boats come in every night. The parts finally arrived and on Jan. 31 we crossed the border into Arizona.  For the longest time I couldn't get DH to even go to Tijuana for lunch. [] 
 
Joyce
 

Joyce that is crazy/scary!! Your story reminds me of California and I miss it. My boss and I used to drive down to Mexico to get tile and other things for her grooming business. She drove like a taxi driver in a video game and she also used to smoke a doobie or two, so I was always on pins and needles. But yeah, your story reminded me of Cali; I lived there for 2 years and I want to go back... []

Oh, there's  nothing in the world like being in a Tijuana taxi.  They'll drive in ditches and down the wrong side of the road if they have to. []
 
Joyce

Ahhh!  now it makes sense -- some of the best memories are of the scrapes we get into with a beloved spouse (and those times we learn to pull together, not apart!)

This past December was our 25th anniversary.  DH decided we should go to the ballet--yep, it was HIS idea!  WE saw the Moscow ballet dance "The Nutcracker", shopped and ate dinner afterwards (this was an afternoon performance.  We had a lovely time.

You say your wife likes dolphins?  How about a trip to the aquarium? You could get her a necklace with a dolphin on it or maybe some small piece of art or glassware with a dolphin theme. 

One of our anniversaries, we were soooo broke, we got a 4.99 take and bake pizza. The main thing is, we are together!!

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ORIGINAL: denise m

One of my favorite gifts from DH was for our 5th anniversary. He bought me a charm braclet with 5 charms. Each charm represented something special for each year we were married. ie palm tree for our honeymoon in Hawaii, baby booties for our 1st child etc. Over the years he has added to it many times. Great gift!
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Now how come my husband can never come up with such a great idea.  I would love a present like that

Ditto on this. My birthday is in July - Ruby. I have got so many ruby rings and earrings and necklaces from my hubby I shine red. I do love them but I finally told him enough is enough. We`ve been married for going on 14 years now so you can only imagine how much I have. The braclet would be wonderful and you can add on to it at any time you want not just for a special occasion. I want one.
 
Had to edit this -
 
 No under no means add the two together. They are different days the wedding anniversary and valentines day. Being a female that is not a good idea no matter how close together the days are. This is not from me as I`ve been married longer but from my daughter (not married that many years) (younger generation)