Things you learned not to do...the hard way!

* Don#%92t put a snack bag of Doritos in the microwave. Apparently all the sparks coming from the microwave is not a good thing.
* Don#%92t put a CD in the microwave. The CD may look really interesting afterwards, but the microwave may never be the same.
* While sex & hiking are both fun, exercise caution when combining the two. Inevitably you are going to get poison ivy, & it becomes very embarrassing when you are explaining to your doctor exactly how you got poison ivy in that location.[8|]
* Don#%92t use dishwashing liquid in the washing machine.
* Don#%92t eat tacos, & drink Aftershock, Goldschlager & beer in the same night.[sm=vomit03.gif]
If you do decide to try it, remember to eat soft tacos as the hard taco shells hurt like hell when they come back up.

Haha!
 
1. Do not try to sneak into the jacuzzi tub, the 3 year old has super sonic hearing.
 
2. after said child strips and joins you do not close your eyes, especially if you have bubblebath on the side of the tub.
 
3. Never trust the mother of said child not to turn on you when you scream for help and try not to let said child or yourself drown under the bubbles.
 
4. Closing your eyes will not make your sister, her boyfriend and your fiance disappear from the bathroom, putting your fingers in your ears will not drown out the laughter and you will lose you hold on the kid!

Do not put a snake on the dashboard of your car for 'just a second' the snake will go into the dashboard.

Don't let your friends push you when you try to learn to roller skate or listen to one of guys that work at the roller skate place on their tips to learning to skate. Take your time and only let go of the wall or railing until ready.
This may end up causing another trip to the hospital and surgery.




Don't go walking barefoot under a tree with lots of dead tree limbs underneath it they will snap and can go right into your foot.

Don't jump into a field of grass especially if there are thick pieces of grass those will pierce into the skin and break off.

Don't goof around on the top of the bleachers you will fall and stitches are not fun also don't repeat it.

Your mom told you not to run in a store so don't do it because glass shelves  hurt if you run into them and require stitches.

Don't bother your sibling that is much bigger then you especially into fighting that also will require another trip to the hospital for stitches.

Don't annoy anyone that has a rock in their hand they may use it on your face.

Just because you have shoes on doesn't stop the nail from going right through the shoe into your foot.

Don't put your tongue on an answer machine adapter to see if it works especially while it's still plugged in.

You know when small children walk around with their socks half off and it looks like they have huge feet?  Nailing the toe of the sock to the floor is not a good way of teaching them to pull up the socks.  But it does keep them in one spot for a really long time.[]

Don't take the dogs out to the poop spot that you haven' t "picked" yet if you have sandals on.  Even if there's only one pile in an acre, you will find it.

~Do not stick your tounge out at a clucking chicken, it will bite your tounge!
~Do not drink a 5th of Aftershock and then lay in a waterbed!
~Do not cut jalapeno peppers, then scratch your balls!(Hubby did that)
~Do not get the bright idea to run and try to duck under the tailgate of a truck!(Maddy)

ORIGINAL: angelabarry

Do not stick your finger in an empty socket on a string of outside Christmas lights to see what will happen.

That bubbling water that appears on the end of a burning log? Don't touch it...it really is hot.

Do not step on ice with your bare feet while wrapped only in a towel on your way to the hot tub!

WOW! You sound like you have a death wish or something!
[sm=biggrin.gif][sm=rotfl.gif][sm=biggrin.gif]

-do not change a lightbulb with the lights turned on. it might explode. if you absolutely must do it, then at least don't do it standing on the toilet barefoot. you will end up in a dark room with glass all over the floor. if you still must do that, at least do it, when someone else is there to help you.

-when a recepy says to leave the goulash on the stove for 1h-1h30min, check back every once in a while. the water might all evaporate and you might need a new pot.

-turn off the stove after you're done frying your fishsticks or else you will need a new pan as well..

-making candles out of old candles' candle wax is fun. but don't try to melt the wax in a plastic bowl. a stove with melted plastic and wax is not easy to clean and does NOT amuse your mother.

-don't flip and egg in the pan when you're wearing nothing but underwear. especially when there's too much oil in the pan. it will result in BIG burn scars.

-don't try to jump a speed bump on skates. your butt will appreciate your caution.

-dont try to have sex when you are both drunk and clumsy and you have a closet with glass doors right next to the bed. if you break the closet doors and are lucky enough to still be alive, don't celebrate it by continuing what you were doing before. there WILL be glass in the bed to scratch up your butt and you are most likely too drunk to realize you got a cut that would have been wise to stitch up. if you absolutely HAVE to do that at least try not to do that on the first time with your bf. it will freak you both out for weeks...

""Do not cut jalapeno peppers, then scratch your balls!""
 
Yup....done that before....except I went pee, and thought I would just wipe my hands and then wash AFTER....
It's very hard trying to explain to your wife why you are washing your equipment off in the bathroom sink....
 
another good one. Don't ever give your dog the fat trimmings off of a lamb leg unless you are ready to deal with projectile squirts.
 

• Don't ever ignore the little voice in your head that says you should be wary.  The harmless looking guy walking through your apartment parking lot could actually be planning to hold you up at knife point.
  
• Don't lock your windows using only one swivel lock in the middle.  If a thief prys up on the bottom of the window while pressing in on the top section, the window will open.
  
• When you buy a home, make sure the screws holding in the front door go firmly into the studs.  Otherwise, it is easy for someone to kick in the door.
  
• When getting directions to a location, be sure to get directions on how to get back again.  One-way streets can really mess you up.
  
• Don't cook a sunny-side-up egg in the microwave.  Even if it doesn't explode in the microwave, it may explode when you stick a fork in it.  (This one is curtesy of my ex.)
  
• Don't attempt to shorten a life, downed power line by cutting one side at a time with a pair of garden pruning shears.  Attempting this with wooden shear handles and thick, rubber soles, however, may keep you alive.  When your DW finds out you nearly killed yourself and ruined her shears, you may wish you were dead.  (This one is also curtesy of my ex.)

• When working with a solution of acetone and dry ice, do not spill the solution on your leg - especially not when wearing hose.  People look at you very strangely when you ask for instructions on how to deal with frostbite in Houston in the middle of July.  Nurses may not even be able to answer your question.
  
• When changing the diaper on an infant boy, keep him covered at all times.  This is much better than dealing with an unexpected geyser.
  
• Unless you are behind a glass shield, stay away from people demonstrating how steam can turn a wheel unless you are very sure that their design will not explode when the ressure builds up.  The burns can be painful.
  
• When dating a guy, drink very little alcohol until you are satisfied that he will not become too drunk to drive.

-Never pour bleach in your toilet bowl to clean it...forget about it while you go out to lunch...and then pee in said toilet without flushing a few times first...remember: your urine has ammonia in it.

Don't buy a calendar from Australia just because it's really cool. They put Sunday on the wrong end of the week (which can cause missed appointments) and don't include American holidays.

ORIGINAL: janobonano

Don't buy a calendar from Australia just because it's really cool. They put Sunday on the wrong end of the week (which can cause missed appointments)

 
Funny you should mention that calendar.  Even though I know it's wrong, I've always thought of Monday as the first day of the week and Saturday and Sunday the last two.  A few years ago I found a calendar that was actually printed that way so I bought it. It had  "Mon/Tue/Wed/Th/Fri" in one block , a big space and then "Sat/Sun" together.  I though since it was printed the way I think of the week, it would be really easy to use but by Feb. it was driving me nuts.  I had to toss it and get a regular one.
 
Joyce