Dog Community

I need to know - Is this rude?

Posted : 4/20/2007 4:43:44 PM

O.K. I have wondered this for a long time now and I just need to know the general consensus. Is it o.k. to take food from a person's plate? I can't tell if my feelings towards this are because of the way I was raised and maybe my thinking is incorrect or am I right to think this is rude?

This has happened most often at my current job, which I have been at for over 2 years now. Everytime I have food at my desk, it never fails, someone will come up and take some of it or ask for some of it. I don't have little mini potlucks going on at my desk or anything. It's usually just my lunch and someone will STILL come up and take something.

When they ask, it's different, but it will depend on the way they ask. If someone says, "Can I have one?" that's o.k. If they say (as they're already reaching for it), "Can I have one of these (chomp, chomp)?" or, "Are you gonna eat this?", then I get irritated. Of course I'm gonna eat it! That's why it's there in front of me!
My biggest pet peeve though is when they don't really ask at all. They just take it. They just come up and take a handful of my chips (the small, mini bags) or take a bite of my damn sandwich!!

I finally had it today when I went to the cafe and bought a cup of chili, a brownie, and a pepsi. I came back upstairs, went back to my desk, sat down and began eating and reading my book. (FYI - this is NOT the first time this EXACT SAME SITUATION has occured). My coworker comes over. "Are you gonna eat all of that brownie?" I say, "I was planning on it." He says, "Do you mind if I have a some?" I take a knife and slice off about portion. My lead comes over about 10 minutes later (not having been around to see that my coworker had some so she's not been influenced by that) and says, "Can I have a piece?" I start to cut the remaining brownie into two halves. She says, as she giggles, "I want the bigger half." and takes it and walks away. I am now left with the smallest portion of my brownie. Again, this exact same situation has happened before. I was even thinking too, as I was buying the brownie, that I should just buy an extra one for the mooches, but I didn't.

I don't know what to say to these people anymore. I was taught to never bother someone when they are eating and to never ask for their food. My mother always told me it was rude. Is it? The opposite seems to be the norm here. I don't know how to tell them no without sounding and seeming like a bi*ch. (forgive my language please). If I ever have fries at my desk, it's like someone feeding the birds. They all come swarming and take a few here and there. If I have chicken strips, someone will come and ask or take one. If I have leftovers, they ask what it is and if they can have some. Oh my gosh!

I have tried eating in the breakroom, even though I don't feel I should have to do this, and that doesn't work either. I have a 30 minute lunch and I work in the middle of nowhere so there is no place to go. There are no outside tables. I can't eat in my car because it's too hot or too cold and again, I don't feel I should have too. Am I overreacting? Please, tell me. Two years of this has driven me mad. I really think it's just because I was raised to think this is rude and because I get so damn irritated when half of my lunch is gone and I didn't get to be the one to eat it.

janobonano

Posted : 4/20/2007 4:47:11 PM

Wow, I think that's rude. My family has always been a share-your-food kind of family, especially at restaurants, but it does get annoying sometimes. You'll have to hide the food you're not eating right this second in a drawer!

dubilpie

Posted : 4/20/2007 5:03:02 PM

I used to have people do that to me at work too. I finally told them to stop, it really makes me lose my appetite. I think it is very rude.

WestieGirl

Posted : 4/20/2007 5:13:32 PM

Not only do I think that's rude, but I would think it very strange if someone walked up to my desk at work and did this! Unfortunately, I don't have any suggestions how to handle it other than to just say "yes, I do mind if you eat that, I was planning on finishing it myself".

Cita

Posted : 4/20/2007 5:17:40 PM

I think it's terribly rude!

I'm a big food sharer, but only with close friends. If my boyfriend reaches over and takes some of what I'm eating, no problem, I do the same to him. But coworkers??

Next time they ask, "Can I have some?" I would simply answer, "No, I'm quite hungry actually, but there's a vending machine down the hall."

Benedict

Posted : 4/20/2007 5:19:26 PM

Anyone doing that to me would probably lose the hand they were reaching for my food with. So yes, I think it's rude. I also happen to think it's disgusting. If I don't know you well enough to know for SURE that you always wash your hands after going to the bathroom, you don't get to touch my food. Even then you're pushing it. Obviously there are exceptions - my SO, or my close friends, can share my food all they like. I am possibly freakish about that sort of thing but really, I just don't want people's hands in my food.

Kate

cakana

Posted : 4/20/2007 5:20:10 PM

Yep, seems rude to me. However, I think that sometimes relationships develop and people start thinking it's okay or even funny. I don't think there's any way stop it with subtle hints nor do I think you should have to guard your food. I'm pretty good at the "no, go buy your own brownie" kind of comment while laughing at the same time, so it doesn't seem really abrasive. You might get "aw come on" back, but you just stay firm, and even kind of lose it but again in a kidding way.."seriously, I don't know why everytime I have food, I suddenly have friends, ha-ha-ha, now go away and let me eat"..[

]

DumDog

Posted : 4/20/2007 5:27:29 PM

to answer your question.. YES THAT IS EXTREMELY RUDE!! OMG!!
i agree with Jano, but why should you have to??
i've never been one of those approachable kinds of people.... i've always been protective over my food too because my family would tease me relentlessly, pretending to snatch fries or what ever i was eating. of course then it got to be a game with my half sisters. they would try to take something and i would snarl and act like a rabid wolf.. and likewise with them to me. you couldnt take us out in public because we acted like animals all the time...

I worked with the same people, but they never did that to me but i saw them do it to others. it almost happened once and i swear i was as embarrassed as they were. for some reason my stupid brain went back to the age of seven and i actually barked at this one girl.. she jumped and snatched her hand away. i was soooo mortified but hey! no one ever tried that again!!
My husband even makes jokes about me doing that. His mom is bad about nicking stuff off your plate, she stole a spoon full of my milkshake once, and olive from my salad another time- he told her not to do that or she'd pull back a bloody nub. she always has this impish grin on her face when she does it... kinda like she's daring me to say something. i'm just glad i dont go out to eat with them more often cause i probably would bite her hand off.... although i dont think she would do it if she felt uncomfortable around me.

i think you probably need to stand up for yourself and just tell them No. Tell them you spit in it. or actually spit in it. or better yet, just sneeze all over it suddenly you see them coming up. make it a nice juicy one too. OR do what i do, hold you food in your lap and scarf it....

ashland

Posted : 4/20/2007 5:28:54 PM

I agree that my close friends and family are fine to share my food. My immediate family never really asks because we were taught not too, but if one of us offers, then of course they can come and help themselves. My friends can help themselves. However, these are people that I work with and while I am friendly with them, it's just annoying. I never ever get to eat in peace. I have even put my paperwork OVER my food before and stolen quick bites when nobody is looking or around because I KNOW they will ask. And when someone has food that smells really good, you can hear other people start with, "Who's got that chinese food that I'm smelling?" or whatever it is and they start searching for it.

I also think it's digusting and gross as well. I have no idea where hands have been and if they're clean. Do you know that one time I came back to find my bottle of Pepsi OPENED! I am not even kidding! I had just bought it and hadn't opened it. I went to go heat up my food, come back, and my coworker who sits about 3 cubes down from me said that she was thirsty and took a quick sip. I was speechless. She said it like it was absolutely no big deal and it made me feel like I was just weird for getting upset about it.

ashland

Posted : 4/20/2007 5:32:29 PM

ORIGINAL: DumDog

i think you probably need to stand up for yourself and just tell them No. Tell them you spit in it. or actually spit in it. or better yet, just sneeze all over it suddenly you see them coming up. make it a nice juicy one too. OR do what i do, hold you food in your lap and scarf it....

LMAO! That is hilarious! Spit in it! I should do that! I am gonna have to say something. It's gotten beyond ridiculous. I already do keep it right in front of my face, but that has not deterred them. It is usually the same people that ask. Not ALL of my coworkers. Probably about 6 or 7 of them that are consistently mooching off of people with food. It's not just me. They do it with others as well.

glenmar

Posted : 4/20/2007 5:37:22 PM

I would be SERIOUSLY pi$$ed off if someone did that to my food. Majorly!

Ever since Todd started at the station his lunches have been a source of envy. Now that I'm there too, and even before I actually worked there, we'd have lunch together, in the lunchroom every day. No one "bothers" us, although we have the regular parade of folks through the lunchroom letting us know how good it looks or smells or whatever. Our lunch is always leftovers from the nite before, but hey.....but no one has ever tried to take a taste. Manners matter and that's a pretty basic one.

Now yes, DH and I will often share when we go out for a meal. I will take DS's pickle if he doesn't eat it, but we are family. It's ok. A coworker? Nope, don't think so, unless I OFFERED it. You work with a bunch of really rude folks. Have you tried growling when they come near? If they ask just say you are really hungry and are RESOURCE GUARDING.

DumDog

Posted : 4/20/2007 5:38:56 PM

food taking is different from food stealing.. like when you arent looking. when you come back and someone has swiped your chicken fingers or brownie have you just tried standing up and shouting "ALRIGHT!! Who's the BUTT HEAD that STOLE my food?!?" i've actually done that before, not over food, but other things when i was in school.. pencils, paper, those kinds of things. it gives the begger a chance to hide and feel some shame, and they wont usually do that again.
i am sooooo glad i dont have to work anymore....

paulaedwina

Posted : 4/20/2007 5:40:07 PM

You have to learn to say "no". If you were asking a dog training question and said;

"I don't want my dog to get on the couch, but when he asks I move over...." what would your assessment of this behavior be? Similarly, when they ask if you plan on eating all your brownie and you say yes, and then they ask for some, and you proceed to cut a piece....

Paula

ashland

Posted : 4/20/2007 5:45:04 PM

ORIGINAL: paulaedwina

You have to learn to say "no". If you were asking a dog training question and said;

"I don't want my dog to get on the couch, but when he asks I move over...." what would your assessment of this behavior be? Similarly, when they ask if you plan on eating all your brownie and you say yes, and then they ask for some, and you proceed to cut a piece....

Paula

Good point. I do need to say no. I have a few times, but they do as Cathy says and say, "Aww come on. Just a little bit." and they make me feel bad. I hav said no on mulitple occassions to one particular person and it takes about 5 no's for her to leave me alone. It's just irritating and it baffles my mind that some people can be like this.

Right now I have been wanting to eat my peanut M&M's, but I know once I break them out, my lead will come over about 3 different times and ask for a few. She's the kind that takes AS she's asking. I'm just going to keep them in my lap and tell her no, but that they only cost $0.65 from the vending machine. (I did this with another person once and she told me, "I don't want a whole pack though.") [:@]

Liesje

Posted : 4/20/2007 5:48:23 PM

Uh, that's rude. If you offer, or they ask first, fine. At our office, we have a place where we put "fair game" food and a place that is off limits. The only time I've taken something without asking was when I used a tiny dollop of someone's ranch dressing. I've never had anyone come to my cubicle and start eating my food. Today I was eating cheese curds and someone asked, so I shared.