Have You Ever Been In Jail?

If it is gross and disgusting and would only appeal to 7th graders, of course, I want to hear it.

Well the bite the nose part...This is pretty long...
It was actually quite funny after it happened, there were a few guys in the cell that didn't look so friendly and they would not stop staring at us. I swear an hour straight they just glared at us. Now 2 of us, we are not that big, not small either though. An average of 175-180lbs and all about 6ft tall. Or other buddy on the other hand he is a little guy, maybe 5'5 and 130 on on a rainy day wearing lead boots. He is the biter and the kicker and the hair puller and the eye gouger. (not that im saying I haven't done all 3...) Well one guy gets up from the corner where they were squatting and works his way over and just stares at us for about 20 minutes. We keep thinking he will go away if we just ignore him but watch him out of the corner of our eyes. So he gets closer and you could smell the booze on his breath and starts staring at our friend the little guy and taking a step closer every few minutes. So, we decided we had enough and myself and my other buddy decide to tell this guy to back off. He said something in Thai and pointed at my other buddy and pushed me. So I pushed him back and we got ready to do what ever we had to do. I think those stories and what you see on tv about what happens to men in prisons had a lot to do with it also. We were not going to let something happen to Dave or each other. Well out of no where Dave (the little guy) screams FU(K YOU B!TCH WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?!?! and he pushes his way out kicks the guy in his jewels, knees him in the face knocking him on his back and then jumps on him and chomps down on his nose with his teeth and starts punching him where ever his hands could hit with his mouth attached to the guys face.  I could not imagine what that would feel like to have all three of those things happen in half of a second. This guy screamed like someone was pouring boiling water on him. Dont really remember how we got Dave off of the guy but I do remember the guard laughing and the thai guy bleeding from his cheek and the tip of his nose pretty bad.
 Now pinch the end of your nose really hard with your fingers, hurts huh? could you imagine teeth?!!
   Well, his buddies get up after us a little fight happens, (we win, which suprised me because I thought we were going to get the hell beat out of us) And dave got in there looking crazy and everyone kind of just took a step back after they saw what happened to the other guy, who by the way is crying on the floor holding his face in one hand and his balls in the other. ( I feel bad for him a little now) The rest of the guards show up they swear at us in thai (I think) and everything is back to the way it was.
 After we got back to the hotel we asked Dave what the hell happened, he just said, "my dad told me once, if you ever get in a fight, even if you lose make sure the other guy never wants to mess with you again"
 Thats about it.

ORIGINAL: HKdog
 
he just said, "my dad told me once, if you ever get in a fight, even if you lose make sure the other guy never wants to mess with you again"

 
That is exactly what I always told my 3 boys.  You might get your ass kicked but at least make sure the other guy knows he was in a fight.

The first one to punch always punches twice []

No, not yet.  Almost two times though. 
Once i  went to a "peep" show with some college buddies in Chicago and the place was raided - they backed up some paddy wagons - and everyone but us was taken away.  Lucky!
The other time i was in Moscow.  They said they heard my 12 year old son speaking Russian and interrogated me for four hours.  There were soldiers with guns, an interpreter, a communist party boss and several other people.  It was like a movie - with this guy one inch from my nose screaming at me in Russian.  He had slate blue eyes and the spittle kept flying.  I would have given everything i owned to have been back in the US at the time.