Family Vent....

    • Gold Top Dog

    Family Vent....

    OK, this is going to be long, I think.

    My sister just turned 20 in July.  She has been seeing this guy (fiance, bf, what have you) since she graduated high school in 06, actually moved in with him in his grandmother's basement.  He is 28, has no job, lives in grandmas basement, and has 2 children with 2 different women (one is 7 and one is 3), so he is no great catch by any means.

    Last summer my sis started to have random seizures and we discovered that her combination of pot, drinking, and cocaine usage were the cause.  Very sad and very scary.  My sister has always been quite rebellious and became even moreso after our dad passed away in 2002 (when she was 13). 

    This past March, she announced that she is pregnant ( I vented about this some time ago).  A couple of weeks later we find out she is not only pregnant, but having identical twins, later we find out they are girls.  My sister ended up having to stop going to school (she was going to be a dental assistant) because her morning sickness was so bad...she never went back and doesn't plan on it.  She is back living with my mom who is now completely supportive of her decision to keep the twins and raise them.  I too think it is great, however, I don't think my mom should be letting her bf move in also, but that isn't my business.  I also wish he had gotten a job when he found out they were pregnant...he could have been saving up for months now, but he didn't...  My mom is not a rich woman by any means, she is basically barely getting by and is raising my other almost 14 year old sister.

    So, neither of them have any money, or a good place to live, or anything really.  I am going to be as supportive as possible as I have been throughout this whole thing...I'm actually quite excited about them and I'll probably be spoiling them. 

    Here is where my problems come in.  My mom's sisters, who we've always been very close with, are not going to my sisters shower.  They say "they don't condone the pregnancy because she isn't married".  I think there are more important things to worry about than whether they are married or not.  They would rather her give them up for adoption.  So, they are getting her gifts, even making blankets, yet not coming to the shower.  Both my mom and my sister are incredibly hurt by this.  I feel really bad for my sister.   She is trying to do what she can and they are just making her feel terrible.  I know she has been rude, mean, and disrespectful to them in the past, but they really do try to push their beliefs on others who believe differently...it's pretty annoying.

    One of my aunt's called me tonight but I didnt answer the phone because I just don't know what to say when they tell me they aren't coming to the shower.  They don't even think she should be having a shower since she isn't married and the babies were an accident. 

    I am just hoping that once the babies are here all of this pettiness stops and they just enjoy and love the babies.  WHy does it have to be so darn complicated??

    Rant over...for now.  Thanks for reading about my messed up family.  Stick out tongue

    • Gold Top Dog

    Your aunts will be the losers in all of this.  They are cheating themselves of the joy of a relationship with the babies, the mother, and the rest of your family.  If I were you I would NOT be afraid to say how much you care about your sister and the unborn twins and that you are quite disappointed in their attitudes.  Stand up for your sister, but in a respectful, gentle, but firm way so that your aunts may, hopefully, realize that family sticks together in thick and thin.  Let them know that your sister especially needs their support at this time.  And that it's not the precious babies' fault that they are being born out of wedlock and are an "accident" (which they are NOT). 

    • Gold Top Dog

     It always irks me when crap like this happens.  How are those girls going to feel when, in 15 years or so, they find out that their Great Aunts wanted them given away?  That they were accidents?  Tell your aunts to get in the century.  Sigh, just kidding I guess.  I mean people are entitled to their own beliefs, I just think that when they negatively effect others its not right.

    • Gold Top Dog

    Your aunts have every right not to go, and fine let them be that way.  Don't let them start a ruckus by giving them a venue to do so (on the phone, etc.).  When they tell you they aren't going, don't give them a chance to say why just say ok, I gotta go, sorry you can't make it.  Honestly, at this point I wouldn't want them there anyway.  It isn't the babies fault this happened, they are the product of what happened.  My sister got pregnant with my niece and everyone was freaking out (she ended up getting married) but after my niece arrived all was forgotten and all that mattered was the new baby.

    BTW - since no one has a job in the situation (your sister and the father) how are they paying for everything - doctor's, ultrasounds, etc., that to me seems the scariest part?

    • Gold Top Dog

    You have every right to be irritated and upset at your aunts.  I mean, really, them not going to the shower is not going to change your sister's mind, nor make them suddenly disappear.  They should just see that okay, she is having twins, and move on.  There is nothing they will accomplish by not going. 

    But at this point, I don't knot if I were in your shoes, if I would want the mthere now, in case they decided to let their views be known during the shower

    • Gold Top Dog

    I have had all of the same thoughts as you guys.  It is 2008...not everyone gets married these days.  It happens, people can live perfectly happy lives without being married and it doesn't hurt the kids. 

    It's probably best that I don't voice my opinion to them about not coming to the shower and just stay out of the middle of it all.

    I just wish this all were easier...