Married Ladies......

DH and I have been married for 8 years and we have had some rocky moments.  It has never crossed my mind that "this isn't going to work" but there have been times of frustration, anger and lonliness.  I moved to a new country, away from my job, friends and family, to be with him and I'm glad I did it but it has been very tough at times.

One thing I learned about myself as half a married couple is that I need to explain my expectations explicitely.  If I don't share with him what I want or need from him how can I expect him to deliver?!?  This means that I always tell him before I go and get my hair cut because he may not notice but I want him to.  Now, he compliments my hair the next time I see him.  I also ask him what he expects of me because I'm not able to read his mind.

Needless to say, it's a constant effort that is totally worth it.  His job now takes him out of town 2 to 4 days a week so I get to have my alone time and miss him and appreciate him when he is there.  I just have to remember to tell him!

First off.. thanks for the laugh on a  few of these posts.. it is nice to hear the stories sometimes and know you aren't alone and crazy!

Christina, I think you guys need some time together doing things that you love and that you have enjoyed doing in the happier times of your relationship.     When crap starts happening in our relationships, it begins to pile up and we lose the idea and feelings of why we came to love and want to be with that person above all others in the first place. Some times doing something as simple as a picnic in the park, a meal out or a walk together in your favorite place is enough to help remind you and help you lose some of the sensitivity and irritation you are feeling.

We have only been married like 46 days now I think, but we have been together for over 13 years, so that really should count toward “married life”. We have spent 12 ½ of those years living together, and the majority of those years raising his kids and dealing with his ex wife and everything that goes along with her.  We have had MANY, MANY rough times and difficult things to get through, throughout the majority of our relationship.  There were even days right before the wedding I wanted to kill him.. and I am sure he felt the same about me. Life stress was getting in the way and making us both grouchy and irrational, but sometimes you have to learn to let crap go and refocus on the things you love most about the other person.

A friend of mine gave her husband the sweetest gift for their 5^th anniversary.. she cut out 100 hearts on paper and wrote something she liked, admired or loved about him on each one and gave it to him in a box.  While you don’t have to go that far, I think making a list just to remind yourself what you fell in love with might be good.

He annoys me beyond belief at times, but I love him and know he loves me and he is a person who I can tolerate their crap above most others and sometimes that is the most important part of a relationship. Tolerance…

I think for me too, the other thing that never leaves my mind since I have worked in a hospital for so many years, is that something could happen to any one of us, at any time. So I life is too short to stay frustrated and irritable and is a time to assure that your loved ones ALWAYS know how much you care.