Maid of honor help! (What do I do?)

It's been a long time since I was a maid of honor, or a bride for that matter.

The main thing I can think of be in constant contact with the bride and see what you can do to help her. I am sure she is starting to panic. Probably nothing major really but she is a bride EVERYTHING is major. Just be there and help her.
 

yup! i would also ask her what her expectations are for you, just be sure you are on the same page! if the mother is organizing most of the things, you could give her a call and ask her what you could do to help out...

Definitely call the mother and offer your assistance to her.

Also, on the big day, constant vigilance.  Keep an eye open for anything starting to happen that is unexpected (good or bad) and try to manage it for the bride.  This will help her have a really good day.  During the reception check in on her quite a few times to see if there is anything you can do for her (bathroom trips can be tricky in some dresses).  Have some spot remover on you.  Watch her face for pending disasters.

There were quite a few things that went down at my wedding, including a fist-fight between my brothers in law (one was the best man).  I was in a state of blissful ignorance because "my crew" kept it all away from me until it was a funny story to tell later.  I had a wonderful day, with a lot of credit going to my gals.

 Have fun! I have been a maid of honor 3 times and a bridesmaid in two other weddings. Each time it has been different. Great advice above to ask what you can do and what the bride needs you to do. One of the best things, is to have a schedule of the day before the wedding and the wedding day, so you can be wise to what will need to be done, and when and where the rest of the wedding party should be. You basically will be in charge of managing the bridesmaids, which can be a full time job depending on who they are. LOL

Other things might include picking up her dress from the hotel the morning after the wedding when she leaves for the honeymoon, holding on to cards and making sure they, and the gifts, make it to the right place after the reception, helping the bride use the facilities since it can be hard in a huge dress, getting the guest organized to send the bride and groom off, and helping some of the older family members if they need anything,

One more thing I thought of. Have a "emergency kit" at the wedding with, masking tape, safety pins and other things along those lines. Wedding dresses get stepped on, hems get torn (masking tape is excellent fix for that) That way it can be fixed and you can go on and have fun.

My dress had 36 bustles. Those got ripped alot by me stepping on the dress, my aunt had safety pins and would come along and fix it. I had it repaired properly when I had it cleaned, but I was glad I didn't drag my dress around.

Others might have some ideas for "the kit".
 

I would add a needle and white thread to that kit.  One of my friends had to be sewn into her dress b/c they altered the top a little too tight and her boobs were not letting us get it zipped b/c she was crying and taking deep breaths and everything else emotional some people do when they are about to get married.

My maid of honor was my cousin who is also like my sister.  I really enjoyed my day with her.  I got married in the morning so I spent the night at my aunt's house and then she and I went together to get our hair and makeup done.  She got me coffee and breakfast while I was getting made up.  She helped get my bag down to whatever car it was going into once I was dressed.  She and the other girls helped me get dressed.  She checked on the flowers and helped distribute them to the people who needed to be wearing them.  She helped me go to the bathroom whenever I needed it and like other said, diverted issues that she saw coming that I was oblivious to.  I would ask her the tentative plan for the day and as it gets closer, what things she needs to get done so you can help stay on top of them and she doens't have to worry about them.  My bridesmaids brought a bottle of wine for us to share while I got dressed before the wedding.  That was a great way for us to loosen up, bond and relax a little before the wedding.  My photographer got some great pics of us with me half clothed!  I had a small wedding so she did a lot as well as my other bridesmaids, they probably did some of those things and I didn't realize it but don't be afraid to delegate if you need to and she needs help. 

I forgot to add, I would check in on her during the reception to make sure she doesn't need food or a drink as well as bathroom breaks.  Everyone is there to see them and it can be overwhelming depending on how they have everything planned.  I wouldn't have even gotten to eat if my maid of honor hadn't brought me a little plate of food to nibble on.  I have also been known to be the one as a bridesmaid to clear the room when the bride needs time without visitors and people won't leave.  If you see that there are people coming into the dressing area and it is keeping her from getting ready, be the one to step and and kindly ask anyone not in the wedding party of directly involved to step out of the room so she can finish getting ready.

Ask her for the delivery checklist on the wedding day with the numbers of whom to contact if something goes wrong (DJ, cake, contact for reception hall, flowers, etc.).  Scrambling around the last minute for numbers can get hectic.  Also, after getting the ok from the bride tell the people at the reception that if there is a problem come to you instead of her.  That way she won't be bothered by small things, etc.

Hi Cita,

I have been just lurking once in awhile when I get a chance the last couple months, but I saw this thread and it touched me that you would care so much to help your bf’s sister so I had to take the time to respond.   This might be long, and some of this might have already been said so bear with me…

Ok, so I am going to make a list of some stuff that would have greatly helped me last month. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the best MOH. I chose my stepdtr who is 21 to be my MOH because I love her and she is more special to me than any other female… but she isn’t the type to really even offer help and I didn’t feel like I could ask her for help…. So it was an incredibly stressful time for me as my family can also be pretty high maintenance!  This is why I think it is so great that you really want to try to help her and foster that friendship and bond between you two.

So here are some ideas depending on how involved you want to be and how much time you have to offer:

*Ask her if there is any help that she needs with any projects (things like wedding program assembly, pew bows and decorations, party favors, seating arrangements…. Etc.)

*If you are available to help, see if she needs or wants anyone to go with her to any last minute appointments with vendors or even for her final dress fitting. My mom is disabled and since the last couple days before the wedding were crazy, I just didn’t have the energy to deal with my moms wheelchair and transferring her and everything to go to my dress fitting. I didn’t feel like I could inconvenience my stepdtr/MOH, so I went alone. I regretted this as it is a very special moment you want to share with someone.

*See if she needs just some relaxation time before the big day… even an hour to go get coffee and distress is really helpful since the bride seems to be pulled in 50 different directions those last few weeks.

*Be in charge of her “stuff” the day of (compact, lipstick, deodorant, perfume…etc.)  Also, be in charge of “stuff” she needs to take with her the day of. We both forgot and left our signed marriage certificate on the boat ...lol.

*Make sure she eats the day of!!!!  I can’t stress this enough.. and not just at the wedding, but before hand. I was never so thankful I ate earlier in the day as I was the wedding night when we didn’t have time for hardly a bite of food. Fortunately for us, we had our photographer  scheduled to be with us for a full 12 hours or more, so we had time to plan in a lunch for DH, his two kids and I along with our photographers. We had the luxury of sitting down and all chatting,  but in most cases this won’t be the case. EVEN if it means you grab a pre-made sandwich from starbucks and an ice tea for her to eat a few hours before the wedding.. do it!  

*Make sure she knows you will help her in the restroom. I got into a bind 20 minutes before the wedding when I had to potty and had no one with me to help. I had to yell through the door and my aunt who isn’t the most touchy feely person had to help me with my dress…lol. I REALLY had wished I had my MOH to help me!

*Assure that someone is taking care of tipping the vendors and if this isn’t under control, offer to do it. Traditionally this is a Best Man role, but we didn’t feel we could trust DH’s son to remember AND we REALLY didn’t want someone not totally reliable walking around with $1000 CASH in envelopes in his pockets. SO that meant DH and I took care of it and we somehow forgot to tip the officiant before he left the boat.   There was too much already on our plate and we should have given this to someone else to do.

*if you spend time with her getting ready the day of, make sure she knows her vows and offer to go over them with her. DH and I realized at 2am the night before the wedding that while we had written our entire flipping ceremony ourselves… we BOTH had forgotten to rehearse our vows to each other. The day of we were totally screwed and realized 2 hours before that we still didn’t really have them down so we had to change the ceremony and have the reverend say them and us just repeat. It would have been nice to rehearse with someone!

*Ask her what is happening with the gifts and if someone is taking care that they get put away out of sight after the ceremony so they don’t get stolen. Find out if someone is making arrangements to take them away from the wedding afterwards.

*ask what you can help with after the event is over.. ie- packing up the wedding gifts into someone’s car, taking down decorations… etc….

*If they leave the next day for their honeymoon and they are NOT going to be staying at home that night, see if they need you to take anything from them. We had to ask my MOH and the Best Man to come to our hotel after we left the boat to get my wedding dress, shoes, jewelry, dh’s suit and shoes and anything else we didn’t want to take with us on the plane the next morning.

OK.. I think that is about it off the top of my head. Again.. good for you to care so much to make it special and figure out how you can best help her. Who knows.. perhaps some day she will be your sister in law and you will ask her to be your MOH and then she will get to return the favor!  Regardless, the MOH is really a special honor and it will bring the two of you together even more if you care enough to assure she is taken care of. She probably doesn’t even know WHAT she will need help with.. but the stuff that you are getting as feedback on this thread from everyone is a really good start! I swear, I was never so touched by anything as I was the small offers of assistance by friends and family on the wedding day and the days before.

VanMorrison

There were quite a few things that went down at my wedding, including a fist-fight between my brothers in law (one was the best man).  I was in a state of blissful ignorance because "my crew" kept it all away from me until it was a funny story to tell later.  I had a wonderful day, with a lot of credit going to my gals.

This part is especially good.  The last wedding I was in about a year ago, the mother of the bride is actually the PROBLEM.  We were in charge of keeping her away from the bride as much as possible - she still managed to sneak in issues to complain or report to the bride (how can you REALLY keep the bride's mother away ALL day).  One such "report" - I think a complaint about alcohol or the way someone was dressed or something, was really irksome and was the kind of thing the bride does NOT need to hear!!

Speaking of alcohol - be prepared with a little bit in case she gets nervous.  A LITTLE bit helps with nerves.  :)  Did I mention JUST a LITTLE BIT!!  Tipsy brides make it onto America's Funniest Home Videos....

Edit to add - the advice from mrstjohnson & jjsmom is really good, too. :)

jjsmom06

Who knows.. perhaps some day she will be your sister in law and you will ask her to be your MOH and then she will get to return the favor! 

Teeheehee, have you been talking to my BF's mother again?!

Thanks for all the tips, everyone. You guys are awesome. I've read the thread thoroughly about 3 times now and will definitely go over it again before the wedding (a week from Saturday! ahh!).

I'll also be sure to post pictures afterwards - the reception is at the family's house and we've grown most of the flowers ourselves, so it should be extra special.

 

Cita

jjsmom06

Who knows.. perhaps some day she will be your sister in law and you will ask her to be your MOH and then she will get to return the favor! 

Teeheehee, have you been talking to my BF's mother again?!

Thanks for all the tips, everyone. You guys are awesome. I've read the thread thoroughly about 3 times now and will definitely go over it again before the wedding (a week from Saturday! ahh!).

I'll also be sure to post pictures afterwards - the reception is at the family's house and we've grown most of the flowers ourselves, so it should be extra special.

 

HOW COOL you grew the flowers. That does make it very special. My aunt made all of our arrangements and bouquets and her daughter (my cousin) helped her and actually made my bouquet and our sweetheart table arrangement. The flowers we chose represented 6 women in my family spanning 4 generations. It was very special to have family be so involved in this.

I thought of one other thing you can help with today. Unfortunately I can’t take credit for it.  Bevolasvegas recently gave me the great idea to have friends and family who take photos, upload them all in a photobucket account.  You might want to consider taking the lead on this and letting people at the wedding know this is the plan when  you see specific people with cameras. Other than my stepdtr, I have NO IDEA who all took pictures, but there are a bunch out there and I would really like to have those moments in addition to the ones our professional photographer took. But no one has stepped forward to give me theirs, and we opted to not have disposable cameras cluttering up the tables and possibly not even getting used.

Anyway.. just another idea.  Enjoy the wedding.. I am sure it will be great for all of you!  Oh.. and remind her to take in all the sights, sounds and experiences throughout the day. I had a lot of people, especially idoggers tell me that the day is over in a blink and you should slow down and take it in.. you really have no concept of what they are talking about until it is all over…lol

Thanks so much for the ideas, everyone! The wedding was today, and it was really spectacular. Everything went perfectly, except for the ground of the tent being flooded from excess rain this week and the groom's mother falling and cutting her face open while jitterbugging with the priest. Bride was radiant and happy, as was groom, weather for the actual day was great, and all was well. I spent basically the whole week at bride's family's house helping with preparations, and everyone loved my speech/toast, too! So a huge success, and thanks again for all the tips, I don't think I forgot anything :) 

Cita

and everyone loved my speech/toast, too!

I'm glad you did a toast. I was MOH at my sister's wedding, and I didn't do one, and I regretted that so much. The best man was my BIL's brother, who wasn't particularly close to him anymore, and wasn't at all close with my sister. I'm extremely close to both of them, so it really would've made sense for me to do one. But no one told me I should until the day of the wedding, and so I thought I'd just make one up on the spot, but I got flustered and didn't (in my defense, I was 16). It sucked.

Glad it went so well for everyone (except the groom's Mom! Ouch!). Good job Court.

 Just saw this update and had to say congrats!  that is so wonderful that you were supportive and helpful and gave a speech to boot!  let me tell ya just how much those speeches mean. ;)

Good for you.. pat yourself on the back for a job well done!   oh and I must say, the snafu's cracked me up... there are always a ton I honestly believe.