The *Click* What the heck just happened?!

    • Gold Top Dog

    The *Click* What the heck just happened?!

    The primal nature of human beings.

    I've been thinking on this a lot due to something that happened a couple months back at school. It hasn't been bothering me per se, but it's been at the forefront of my mind.

    My college had their first ever composition recital, and one of my friends, Damien, was involved in it with me. He wrote a vocal piece for our friend Kelly, and played the piano part he wrote for it (he's a phenomenal pianist).

    Now, because he is a musician and has a wicked sense of humor and is just an all around good guy, I've become naturally attracted to him. But my point is that AFTER the concert, I met his family....all of 'em...including some Cousins (he has 13 brothers and sisters, and 3 or 4 of them are adopted o.O).

    There was a little girl there, Anastasia, and Big Bear (that's what I call him) had told me about her and how much she liked to sit on his lap at the piano. She'd put his hands over his and pretend she was playing, much like when we stand on someone's feet when we're little and "dance". I didn't much think about it at the time, as it really didn't much matter to me...I'm not a "Kid" person.

    But I was watching him interact with everybody, and I saw Anastasia slip her rather tiny hand into his massive paw (Big Bear has HUGE hands...it's one of the reasons I call him Big Bear), and without a thought he picked her up and planted her squarely on his hip. I felt my brow drop, slightly confused (I don't know why), and as I continued to study him his whole demeanor changed.

    He spoke in quiet, low tones and bounced her, and he would smile at her and flash all his teeth before he tickled her. And when she squealed his vocal pitches would match hers.

    Every other time I've watched a male in this kind of display, it was stagnant and uninteresting for me. On the whole I really just didn't care, and feigned interest so as not to insult. But I was watching Big Bear, this big hulk of a man, being so gentle, and sweet, and careful with this little girl, I felt...strange.

    There was a strange heat that pooled in my belly, and I found myself more fascinated than I'd ever been before. Anastasia clearly adored him, and he quite obviously felt the same about her, and something in my brain just went *CLICK* and I couldn't stop watching.

    I KNEW it was my baser side talking to me, telling my biological self that he would be a good match...it was just strange to actually FEEL it. To be honest, it scared the ever loving crap out of me, because I didn't know how to react to it. I still don't. But what I was seeing with my eyes was a lot more than I've ever seen before. I wasn't looking at a man holding a kid...I was looking at a father holding one of his own...and a large part of myself was fighting with the notion and realization of what I was feeling and seeing.

    I didn't like it then, and I don't like it now, because it is wholly uncomfortable to be so aware of what my instincts are telling me.

    It was a lot like being on the outside of myself, and watching me react to what Big Bear was doing. Surreal.

    Do any of you remember the first time you felt that *Click*?

    • Gold Top Dog

    Forgot to post a video of him playing :-)

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=Tl5CkeyZaYU  

    • Gold Top Dog

    My first "click" happened over the Christmas holidays last year.  His niece, who is about a year & a half, wanted to be picked up.  She was wreaking of a dirty diaper, & instead of redirecting her, as I had done, he scooped her up, finished his conversation, & then smiled at her & said "Mattie, we have got to get you changed."  It was simple & basic, but it was very sweet that he was caring enough to deal with somebody else's child's dirty diaper.  I had already watched him play with, & read to her for the previous two days, but that was "the moment" for me. 

    I married him four months later.

    • Gold Top Dog

    I had a moment like that shortly after my now husband and I started dating.  My cousin who I'm very close to have five kids.  At the time I introduced Mike to them her youngest and the only boy was about five.  We ordered pizza that night and it was very casual, I just wanted them to all meet Mike.  Anyway, he had always told me he wasn't into kids and he didn't even really like kids.  That always stuck me as odd considering what a kind, really nice guy he is.  But, I took him at his word.  Anyway, that night at dinner Matthew sat next to him and wouldn't shut up as sometimes little kids do.  And, Mike was so patient and I thought how great it was that you couldn't even tell he didn't like kids.  I looked again a few minutes later and Mike is cutting his pizza for him.  I knew then that the whole not liking kids thing was such a bunch of bull and it just confirmed for me the man he was. 

    • Gold Top Dog

     I've had similar moments with my BF. Like Mike, my BF always said he didn't really like kids. Then one night we were having dinner at his parents' house with some friends of theirs who had 2 small children. BF was sooooo sweet with them! He was very gentle, and encouraging, and patient, and was teaching them how to play badminton and videogames. Later that night he said, "That little girl is so annoying!" Yeah, sure... you haaaated all those giggling moments you spent with her, right? rofl! Then he had a professor who had a 2 year old girl, and BF would just NOT shut up about how cute she was, how she came in to class that day, how she did silly things, she had the cutest little dress on... lol. I think there's hope for him yet. ;)

    I also had similar moments with BF and the dog (BF is NOT an animal person)... the first time Rascal messed on the floor and BF said, "Oh, poor Rascal, we didn't get you outside fast enough!"... the first time BF tried to put Rascal's harness on (even though this is an activity that risks life and limb) and through bribery/gentleness was able to do so successfully without a growl or a snap (even if he put it on backwards, lol)... :)

    • Gold Top Dog
    Thanks for sharing...it's just been a very unsettling feeling for me.
    • Gold Top Dog

    We have a close friend (he and DH go waaay back!) who comes over very often.  He often picks Will up and tickles him or spins him round or just talks to him.  He always makes space for him.  He will even come over and take the bowl off me and feed him his dinner so I can eat my dinner hot.  When Will was just a few weeks old he asked to hold him and he held him pretty confidently.  He's in his mid-late twenties by the way.

    A few months ago he came over and I'd left him alone with William for a few minutes when I went to load the washing machine.  When I came back in the room, my heart just STOPPED dead in my chest.  Will had found a book and crawled over to him with it and he put the games console to one side, lifted him up and took the book and... read it to him.  He has a lovely voice for reading aloud, it's rich and deep and he was reading it slowly and quietly.  I can't describe how touched I was to see them sitting there like that.... they were so "together", he was devoting his time completely to Will and Will was totally absorbed in the story.  In that moment they could have been father and son, you know?  

    Looking back, I think what I felt *in that moment* was very intense attraction, but I didn't recognise it at the time for what it was because it was so intense, short lived and divorced from what I was doing and thinking at the time.  My eyes saw a man "connecting" with a child - MY child, a part of me - and my body reacted on its own.  It was very, very bizarre.

    • Gold Top Dog

    Our neighbors (the earlier mentioned "hunky doctor" and his lovely wife) spend quite a bit of time with our DSs.  They always have yard work for them to do and will drop whatever they are doing to talk with DSs.  I always enjoy watching the boys chat with Amy and Andy and how much they look up to this couple.  Andy and Amy are 11 and 15 years younger than I am (respectively) so that makes them waaay cooler than Mom and Dad! They are awesome neighbors and we are soooo blessed to have them here.

    • Gold Top Dog

    Looking back, I think what I felt *in that moment* was very intense attraction, but I didn't recognise it at the time for what it was because it was so intense, short lived and divorced from what I was doing and thinking at the time.

    Scare the bejeezus outta you, doesn't it?

    From PMs and responses I've gotten on other forums, what I felt was normal...what most found odd though was that I was aware of the primal side of it RIGHT THEN, and not hours or days or weeks later.  Maybe that's what has me so rattled... 

    • Gold Top Dog

    Xeph

    Looking back, I think what I felt *in that moment* was very intense attraction, but I didn't recognise it at the time for what it was because it was so intense, short lived and divorced from what I was doing and thinking at the time.

    Scare the bejeezus outta you, doesn't it?

    From PMs and responses I've gotten on other forums, what I felt was normal...what most found odd though was that I was aware of the primal side of it RIGHT THEN, and not hours or days or weeks later.  Maybe that's what has me so rattled... 

     

    Ha, I only realised when reading this thread and what got ME rattled was I am happily married and I don't NEED "a good match".  I've already got one!