Any military wives/girlfriends?

I met my husband while he was in training for his trade.  I sort of knew what I was getting into because I had some family in the miltary, so it wasn't complete culture shock.

things are a little different in the Canadian Forces, and with my husband's job he's not away from home hardly at all.  But honestly, I know that he took an oath to the Queen, and that if he was told he was going, he would.  No questions asked.  I'm proud of him for this.  I always have it in the back of my mind that he could be depolyed, but I don't think about it.  The trick, or so I'm told is to make the best of the time you have.  Live your life and be happy.  And a lot of people to make things easier espically if they have kids and their spouce is away alot, is to not make a big deal out of leaving and coming home.  It seems to make things go a little more smoothly.

Hubby's dad is also in the CF and was away when he was growing up.  He said it was hard, but his mom did a lot for them to make up for it. 

If you've got any questions that you think I may be able to answer, I'd be happy to.   I know what I live and what you would have to live is different, but a support system is always nice to have

I'm a former Navy person, was in and married to a Navy guy.  As you already are learning, military life is unpredictable (leaving now instead of July).  Peacetime military is different, but there were still deployments to deal with.  You already have a long distance relationship - it'll be like that, except there is just a bit more danger involved since we are involved in Iraq and Afghanistan. 

Depending on his job, after his training, he will likely be home more than what others have told you (barring deployment, of course).  It's just like a regular job - go to work, go home. 

The good thing is that the military culture does support its own.  Often the commands you are with will have a group for spouses to get together.   There are Ombudsmen, who are usually spouses who've been in the culture for years, and they are good points of contact.  They know how to work the system, they know what resources are available.

I would, however, caution about rushing into marriage.  It is not uncommon, esp. in war time, to want to hurry up and marry before the partner deploys.  Unless you have a relationship that is extremely strong beforehand, I advise against this.  You already are apart because of school.  He will be gone a lot for boot camp and whatever schooling he is getting.  When he comes home, you will really be tested because, until that point, you have both led separate lives.  Better to wait, stay in touch, go visit when he's allowed visitors, and take  your time.  I personally feel that if things are meant to be, you will be together when the time is right.  I've seen far too many marriages of young soldiers and sailors break up because it was an impulse to begin with.  The "OMGI'mleavingmarrymenowIloveyousomuch" and you do it, but you've never had a chance to truly build a relationship.  Six months of long distance isn't enough to truly get to know someone and build that foundation, IMO.

It's not a bad life.  You see a lot of places and meet a lot of people.  The moving gets old, though.

If you are in a long distance relationship now then that would be similar to being a military wife just add danger to the mix.  My DH of 17 years is ex-Navy.  The long distance part will not be hard for you if you like your relationship now.  It will be the time together that will eventually get to you if you are not prepared.  Living as one (marriage) is not the same as living together!   My 2 cent advise is 'Slower is better'.  I have a girlfriend (43 yo) who has had a successful life full of long-distance relationships but once they live in close proximity is all goes down hill.  She has been this way since college.  Take the time to get to really know him before committing to marriage.  Ask yourself what you want from a marriage and check it against what this guy offers.  If it is love, waiting won't hurt (love is patient, love is kind, etc...).  

 Good luck with whatever you decide. 

 I've been a military brat and a military wife.  Luckily, my ex wasn't deployed often and got out after we'd been married about 4 years.  A factor in our divorce was how often he was gone because of corporate life.  I did not get married to be a weekend wife and can't imagine what it would be like to only be a wife 2-3 mos. a year.  That's not for me.  I will tell you that when I went to high school in Germany, we had a high number of what we called "geographical bachelors".  These were guys who took off their wedding bands on the flight to their deployment.  They behaved as bachelors while deployed and then put their rings back on on the flight home.  They were NOT uncommon.  I think you have to be together and married a while to establish a bond that can withstand the separations.  Military life is very tough, on the guys who live it and their families.  Only you know if your relationship can stand this type of life, but I can tell you, it wasn't for me.

sharismom

I would, however, caution about rushing into marriage.  It is not uncommon, esp. in war time, to want to hurry up and marry before the partner deploys.  Unless you have a relationship that is extremely strong beforehand, I advise against this.  You already are apart because of school.  He will be gone a lot for boot camp and whatever schooling he is getting.  When he comes home, you will really be tested because, until that point, you have both led separate lives.  Better to wait, stay in touch, go visit when he's allowed visitors, and take  your time.  I personally feel that if things are meant to be, you will be together when the time is right.  I've seen far too many marriages of young soldiers and sailors break up because it was an impulse to begin with.  The "OMGI'mleavingmarrymenowIloveyousomuch" and you do it, but you've never had a chance to truly build a relationship.  Six months of long distance isn't enough to truly get to know someone and build that foundation, IMO.

I totally agree.

My grandparents were in your situation way back in the day, during WW2 - my grandmother declined to marry my grandfather, saying she didn't know him well enough, etc. etc. etc. They kept in touch during the war, she dated a few people casually but didn't meet anyone she liked as much, and a month or so after he came home they were married. They were married for almost 55 years before he died to a heart attack, and neither one of them ever regretted waiting. :)
 

You sound a lot like me 12 years ago.

We were still in high school but both really bonded together for about a year before he joined the Navy and headed off to bootcamp.  Man, that was so emotionally hard, and I was so heartbroken.  Contact is limited during bootcamp and I got one phone call that was cut off right after I heard him say "hi" as they were only allowed 2 minutes to call :(  By the time he had dialed and gone collect to my phone he was cut off.

I did get to go see him and it was wonderful to see him.  He then headed off to A school in Orlando Fl for 6 months. Came back on Christmas break and proposed.   We married 3 months later and I joined him in Orlando.  It was some interesting times!! That's for sure.  We were lucky to have about 4 years of him getting training and doing a staff job before he deployed on submarines.  They only had "family grams" which I think, had a maximum of 20 words and we could send care packages.  I kept very busy travelling and was active in the spouse club also. 

If you guys have a strong, solid relationship, where there's no arguing over silly things, then I say, wait till he's through boot camp, re-evaluate your relationship and then go from there.  You could get married and then be moved into housing (or rent out in civilian) and be by yourself for months at a time, depending on what his job is.

Over these 12 years we've lived in several places, seen many things, met many great friends.  Had a lot of fun together before we had 2 kids.  I won't say it's all been peachy. It's hard to move every couple of years. It's hard to leave friends behind and even harder when friends move and leave you behind! It's hard to stick to a career, because of the moving. 

But the time that we get to spend together is great, we try to make the most of it.  I will say, teh medical care (tricare) is decent, if you stay on base clinic, the scripts are paid for in full by tricare. 

Would I do it the same again?  Yes, positively.  But we have that type of relationship. Solid, strong, and we are still goofy in love after 12+ years together. :)

Good luck!