Need some advice, don't know who else to ask

I know it stinks but some things are out of your control. Be flexible, stay adaptable. Trust your wife to handle things well. She's got some things to do for her business, yes, but I think she's going to be fine.

What Ron said - very good advice.

As a woman, if my spouse/SO/BF said I couldn't go somewhere alone, I'd want to go even more.  If this is business-related and she has to go, not letting her will only make her resent you, no matter your reasons, especially if it puts a kink in her career. 

Communicate your fears to her and listen to her carefully when she responds.  She needs your support.  Trust her.

Take care.

Tell her your concerns. Don't let it escalate into a yelling match, but let her know that you do trust her, but you are a guy - and you know how their minds opperate. Sit her down, and tell her what is on your mind.

And I couldn't agree more with what Tina said - you say no, all she wants to do it go MORE.

Some questions you might (or might not) want to answer. But it might help clear your mind if you answer them to yourself.  

What are you afraid of?
Do you think he might physically hurt her?
Or just make a move on her?
And why must she go alone?
Is that her directive or someone else's?
Do you trust her?

I agree with everyone else. If your wife is an adult, it's her choice whether she goes alone or not. She probably needs your support more than she needs you to tell her what to do.

A tip from a stubborn woman with an equally stubbon husband :) ask her WHY she thinks this person is trustworthy. Why does she expect him to be honorable in a business situation when he has proven to be unethical in personal relationships? I wouldn't bicker with her---just ask her to give it some thought.

Now a thought for you Right now is sounds like the issue is he might hit on her somehow, right? If my beloved husband was giving me grief in a situation like this I would feel like he either didn't trust me or me thought that I was stupid or gullible---not good. I would argue because to do otherwise would be like admitting that I agreed that I was not strong enough or mature enough to handle the ex.

Add in the fact that you openly hate the guy and her trip for work is suddenly about you and your relationship---IMO you need to shift the emphasis away from your relationship. Don't let this drive a wedge between you.

SO...instead of making it sound like it is all about YOU, make the emphasis on HER and her career. Talk to her, ask her why she trusts him with her career. Is there a way he could actually HURT her career? Perhaps if she didn't feel like defending the trip is the same as defending her integrity then she'll take another look at it....

Just my two cents. I would suggest you smooth things over and tell her you trust her and she's smart and capable and give it time before you ask her why she trusts someone who has proven to be untrustworthy in the past.

 PS Can you go and not meet the guy? (not go to jail!) Just be at the hotel/in the background so she knows you're close by and so does he? Just a thought.

Good luck! 

If you don't allow her to go, or go alone, think about the future consequences.  It will only erode your trust for each other further.   I understand your "dislike" for this individual, but if your wife decides to "become involved" with him, she could just as easily do so with somone who is not so persuasive. Tell her how much you love and trust her, and that you'll be waiting for her return.

I know I came off as sounding that I don't trust my wife. And believe me I am not as controlling as I sound. I do trust her completly. she knows that, I am just one of the most stubborn, bullheaded people in the world.

I just don't trust this guy, out of the blue he contacted her and told her he will be in Beijing and has a lot of contacts that can help her with her art...Like Ron2 said in a previous post..."men usually only think with what is swinging between their legs"

I know she would never get involved, with him or anyone else, I just don't feel comfortable, if I could go I would. But it's a bit of a pain for me to get time off of work right now. And China is being anal about visa's right now...

I know the guy would never physicaly hurt her, I told him already if he does anything to harm her....well you get the idea. I'm a cook... I know how to get rid of the body.

Either way, she is going to go, I just have to compromise I guess

HKdog

I'm a cook... I know how to get rid of the body.

Reminds me of "Fried Green Tomatos," the movie.

"That is the best barbecue I have ever tasted."

"The secret's in the sauce."

Hey, people eat anything if you give it a fancy name...

just call it...Two Legged Mutton...

If you're not worried that he would hurt her, then what, really, is the concern.  If, hypothetically, he DID make a move towards her, that does not mean she would act upon it. And, since you have already said you trust her, what is the worry.  I know that I am more than capable of turning down any unwanted advances.  Just because a guy supposedly thinks with what's between his legs (though I'd argue that not all guys are like that) doesn't mean women just crumple and cave to whatever any male suggests.

In fact, I'd really pity the person who knowingly made unwanted advances towards me. I can offer some wilting looks and comments when I want to, and I'm afraid I'd not be able to help myself in that situation and my sarcastic side would come out.

If her personal safety isn't an issue in the matter, and it's more of an ego issue of 'some other man hitting on my wife' (if he were even to do so...some people, even *gasp* men, do change) give her the benefit of being wise enough to be able to shoot down such things.

I know it sounds petty, and believe me it's not and ego thing. But my WIFE will be ALONE in Beijing, maybe knowing 2 or 3 people, and this scuzzball. That is my worry, She is going, the problem is fixed.

 I just worry, like any normal husband would worry wouldn't they? I hate to say it but she is very naive and trusting of people. Her safety isn't really much of a concern, I am worried about that, but I've seen her lean back in a bar and punch a guy in the side of the neck and knock him out cold.

I'm just being a bit protective of whats mine I guess.

I can understand the worry, especially if things are as crazy in Beijing as the news portrays right now.  We American women have been known to get our undies in a bunch when we perceive the threat of a man telling us what we can or can't do.  Maybe your culture doesn't view this concept in quite the same way.  Either way, though, you have to find some middle ground and it sounds like you are coming to terms with the situation.

She'll be fine - it certainly sounds like she can take care of herself - punching the guy in the bar - wow!

HKdog

 I just worry, like any normal husband would worry wouldn't they?

Wives worry too and I probably wouldn't be feeling comfy about the idea of my husband spending 3 days with his ex either. I realize they're not rooming and may not even be seeing a great deal of each other, but I can understand the feelings you have. I think these are the times when you really have to take a deep breath and trust not just your wife, but trust yourself that you can handle this.