Thoughts? Advice? Living With In-Laws

When you say two bedroom suite does that include a kitchen and your own bathroom?  It sounds like this is litterally a seperate apartment from the house even though it is connected so you wouldn't actually be living in the same quarters as them.  If you were living in their house sharing a kitchen and bathrooms and everything else, I think I might feel differently, but if you are comfortable living so close to them and feel they will be respectful of your privacy, it sounds like it might work out.  You have to realize that every person has different feelings about their inlaws and most couldn't live with them.  I would just make sure that you are truly saving your money while there so that if it doesn't work out you can at least find another place to live a little further away even if it isn't to buy.  I would also make sure you are aware that since you guys will be living so close and are getting a very discounted rent, there may be other expectations you aren't thinking of like doing odds and ends for them or mowing the lawn...that would just depend on if they are the type to take advantage of the situation they are offering you. 

I know that my husband and I lived down the street from my parents for about a year and they could have dropped by all the time if they wanted.  They were always very respectful of our privacy and treated us living down the street the same as they would have if we lived in another city.  There were times they dropped by but always called first or it was somewhat expected. 

I wanted to add that one of the most important things is that you and your husband keep your minds open as well as the line of communication b/w the two of you.  Make sure you can both voice any of your concerns in a respectful and respected manner without causing problems in your relationship.

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Right now I'm living with my BF in his parents' house, with his parents. I get along very well with his family, so it's really not bad at all. They're very respectful for us.

For me, my issues with it are:

• "helping out" - will you be paying rent? doing chores? make sure you have clear guidelines of what will be expected of you and your fiance. Having surpise "chores" can make things tense. I know my BF can revert to total annoying teenager mode when his parents ask him to do a particularly large amount of work around the house, and he's paying them rent!
• privacy. make sure you'll have enough of it!
• "clingyness." Are they going to guilt you into staying with them longer than you might want? Are they okay with you guys going out and doing your own thing, or will they expect you to spend most of your time with them?
• Treating your fiance as an adult. I think this is the hardest part. Because he's their little boy, you might find them treating him as they did back when he was still living at home as a younger kid. This can be difficult for everyone!

Overall, IMO you need a backup plan in case it doesn't work out, but don't let people who don't get along with *their* in-laws frighten you into thinking you can't get along with *yours.* It might take a little extra work, but I think it can be rewarding. After all, one great window into a guy's true self is how he is with his family. If he gets along well with his folks, it bodes well for the two of you. Make sure you keep discussions open and make it clear to your fiance that he's in charge of "mediating" between you and his folks, at least in the beginning, and I bet things will work out.

Good luck :) 

Since it's basically an entirely separate apartment, I think it could work.  If it were me, I'd probably do it as long as everyone sat down beforehand and made sure their expectations were clear.  I would expect to be treated like a tenant in any other rental (ie, 24 hour notice before coming into "my" house, what is expected as far as lawn care/snow removal, utilities, etc.). 

sierra2002

The communication level with his family is amazing.. they aren't afraid to express opinions and debate subjects, but it's always in a polite, non confrontational manner.

They sound like wonderful in-laws!

I think I would probably have a thorough discussion before I moved in about expectations and communication. Those 2 things seem to be the most problem-causing issues with anyone living together. If you both (both groups) know what to expect of the other and the communication is clear, I think it would be a great arrangement.

I would also probably be helpful, complimentary and just gracious about staying there. They're doing you a huge favor and I'd be sure to let them know how much it's appreciated. Not fake or anything, but I'd probably think of neat ways to let them know.

My husband and I stayed with his mother for several months and made it work just fine. And there was no separate apartment. I think your friend either had a bad experience or is just repeating what she heard. You know there are horror stories about in-laws. But in-laws are people, too! LOL

Good luck to you!

Sounds like a pretty good arrangement to me, too.  You'll have your own private living quarters with a separate entry and your own kitchen and bathroom.  Sharing a washer and dryer shouldn't cause any conflict since most people don't wash clothes more than once or twice a week unless they have a really huge family.

Joyce

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sierra2002

Its just an amazing feeling when I'm around his family. It feels like I've been around them forever, like I'm just another daughter - and they treat me like another daughter, like I belong there as much as their kids do. I feel like i fit in as well as I fit in with my own family.

They treat my fiance like another adult, which I also think is pretty cool. They don't act as if they are superior over him, or they know more than him. Everyone's on a level playing field. 

Then to me, sounds like a good deal. Do have a backup plan, though, and discuss it with your fiance, so you don't feel "stuck" if things don't work out.

We lived with my in laws in between military hitches.....DH thought he could hang up the military hat ....then he got the itch again......and thankfully we went bye-bye again.......but, the time with in laws was kind of tough.....we swallowed our opinions and tempers, and all worked out as well as can be expected....