Dog Community

Help with my anxiety!

Posted : 8/17/2006 5:18:59 PM

Hi. I'm sort of new here, a returning old member actually. (I re-registered when my old login didn't work anymore, I;d been away for awhile).

In October, my (now ex) and I adopted an English Bulldog (mix) from the pound. She's almost 2 now. I have yet to enroll her in obedience lessons but it is a top priority. She knows basic commands, walks well on a leash, is crate-trained, housebroken, etc. (Although she is stubborn as heck).

My problem is that I am such an overprotective, nervous-nellie mother. When I am out & about with her, I am so nervous. I keep her on such a (literally) tight leash. Which I know is a good thing, but not all the time. (Like, I won't even let her go at fenced-in dog parks!). And when I have her with me anywhere, I am so focused on worrying about her, it's hard for me to relax and enjoy whatever I'm doing.

She gets along with other animals and people. She's never been aggressive towards anyone, she stays near me always and listens to me pretty well. So I need to learn how to loosen up.

My ex & I recently seperated, and I kept her. My ex used to be the one who worked with her more, walked her more, spent more time with her, so obviously she obeyed him more. I don't have 100% trust in her by myself yet (which I am hoping will come with time and obedience lessons and training).

Also, my last dog, Strider, passed away last summer. Because of my carelessness, he was struck by a dump truck and killed. Without going into details, his loss has deeply affected me in so many ways. It causes me to be extremely worried and overprotective of my current dog, who is MUCH easier to manage. (Strider was a rescue who was a stray. He had been severely abused at some point in his life and was fear aggressive - I had to be VERY careful with him around other people and other dogs. I considered myself an extremely responsible dog owner, which is why his accident has caused me so much guilt and grief). But because of all that, I just can't relax and be comfortable with my new dog, and she doesn't deserve it!

Sorry for such a long post - none of my other dog-owner friends really understand when I try to explain (like why I won't bring her hiking with us, or to the dog park, or to go swimming,).

Thanks so much.

Xebby

Posted : 8/17/2006 6:04:00 PM

In a way I understand, I stay away from dog parks and am somewhat over protective of my Gizzy. I did find that the training class did ease some of my stress and made it a whole lot easer to handel her. I was mostly afrade because she had sugery and was worried she would get hurt if I took her out. Now after the training I can take her camping and she goes with me almost everywhere. I think the training really helped me more than anything else, it taught me how to handel my dog so that others around would not harm her because I felt confident in how I handeled her.

I think once you do the training with your dog you'll feel better about taking her out. If your in a class with other dogs you'll get an idea of how she reacts to them so you can know what situations are truly safe and what to avoide.

Debbie R

Posted : 8/17/2006 6:18:46 PM

Erin, welcome back.
First off I am so sorry about Strider, and your break-up.
I am the same way with my dogs, but that's because they are small. But you need to let her be a dog, if you are having all of this anxiety she is going to pick it up. You need to show her that everything is right w/ the world even if it's not, you need to act your way through it for her, you need to become her friend, and guide her. Just spend some one on one w/ her then socialize her slowly, with dogs you know are calm. You say she loves people and dogs, so you do need to lighten up.
Some great books to understanding her are The Culture Clash and Bones would fall from the sky.
You need something to do to take your mind off of your grief, use her, she probably really needs you too. By the way what is her name and where are her pictures?

denise_m

Posted : 8/17/2006 6:32:48 PM

Hi Erin, wekcome back to "idog", glad you found us again.

Sure you are a little over protective, but you have good reason to be. I'm sorry for your lose - it sounds really sad. You are lucky to have your English Bull Dog. What is her name? She sounds very sweet and I think the perfect dog for you. Everybody owns their dogs for different reasons because we want them to fit into our own lifestyles. Lots of people want dogs who don't need to socialize a lot with other dogs. A lot of people on this forum dislike dog parks and they are not over protective. Your dog sounds quite content doing what she's doing. Personally I rarely see Bulldogs at dog parks!
You do have to try and calm down however and enjoy your time with your dog. I'm sure she would rather cuddle on the couch with someone who is calm and loving than walk with someone who is way over anxious. So keep your wwalks short. I don't believe Bulldogs need a lot of exercise??? Play with her in the house. ( Nice controlled temperature! - also good for her breed.) And start bonding with her.
If things go well and you are ready to trust her I think you should try and let her socialize. Most dogs do enjoy that. And besides - you mentioned the "ex" - dogs are a great way to meet nice people.

Keep us posted and welcome again!

cakana

Posted : 8/17/2006 6:37:30 PM

I totally understand this too and I can only tell you that I started repeating these words to myself "courage is being afraid, but doing it anyway". I had to, but not so much for my dog, as for myself. I'd never had any dog who showed aggression until we rescued Sassy and it really knocked me for a loop. I found myself getting anxious about so many things with her and I can remember the first time I had to take her to the vet by myself and I was driving there and having a panic attack. I got there and sat in the car for a minute and gave myself a good talking to. I find that the "what ifs" can really paralyze me, so I'm learning to work thru them without giving them a lot of value. I think there are times we need to be cautious and dog parks are definitely one of them, as are other difficult situations, but I think we owe it to ourselves as much as our dogs to be able to spend time enjoying them.

I agree that obedience classes would definitely be a huge help for you (and your dog). You'll be in a safe environment with other people who are likely feeling many of the same feelings as you are. Just like with our dogs, we conquer our fears by gaining confidence, so this would be a step in that direction. Hang in there and good luck [

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