Dog Community

No more babies for us

Posted : 6/4/2006 6:21:11 PM

Hubby went to see the DR and is going to finalize the deal. We will not be having any more children. Six months ago, I really wanted another, he did not. I was so mad at him I was not speaking to him. Then I decided no more. I think it was just the idea of having a baby. Sure it seems like a great idea, but I don't think I really want to start all over again. He 100% does not want any more, and now that he has booked the appointment, I think I am 90% sure. I know I don't want another, but it's kinda sad. I'm young and to know that the option will be gone is kinda upsetting. What if I don't want one now, but next year I do? I guess it doesn't really matter because he said no more.

Also as soon as a family member found out about this, she is waiting to collect all of my stuff. (she is due in 9 weeks) I'm not ready to let it go. Does this sound crazy? I know I will have no use for it. I have no problem giving her all of the big stuff, but I am not ready to let go of the baby clothes. My husband is really p'd that I wont bring all of the containers to her now, but I don't want to. I want to at least go through it and keep things. Maybe my brother or sister will have a little girl and I can pass on some of the dresses and cute little under shirts. Now that I'm spilling this out, I don't know how I feel about it.[&:]

I don't want to go through the baby stage or be pregnant. I am having so much fun with my kids and they are so independant I don't have to be there at all times. So that is nice. I feel complete and am fine with having 3 kids. I think it's just the thoughth of holding a beautiful baby, and seeing another precious person that I created that makes me kinda sad.

Julitza

Posted : 6/4/2006 6:34:10 PM

I think us women will always have that drive, that need to have a baby, to be able to hold a baby.

I am the same way, even though in my head I know I dont want another one for a long time my heart tells me different. I also cannot bear to part with my baby's clothes. I put everything in a bag and say ' well i will give these things to this person since she has a small baby' and the clothes will just sit there and the babyies will grow uot of the clothes without ever having them!

Benedict

Posted : 6/4/2006 8:16:36 PM

Having not been through this (yet - am getting married next year), I can't speak with any kind of authority. However, I absolutely can't see anything wrong with going through the clothes and keeping your favourites, or any that hold special memories. Not to speak out of turn or anything, but since it sounds like the decision is more your husband's than yours, I would say you are perfectly entitled to hold on a little longer.

Good luck.

Kate

boneyjean

Posted : 6/4/2006 10:22:54 PM

I agree, I have not had children yet either but we are now officially trying...but I see nothing wrong with going through the clothes and keeping some of the more special things that you would like to hold on to and pass on to someone else or even just keeping a few of the items that are really special to you. There may be something that you want to pass on to your grandchildren when you have them.

DH and I are discussing how many he will have now. I have always wanted 2 and he already has 1. Now we are talking about having 1 and I am actually OK with that...at least right now I am...that may change though. I have always said though that I want to get them all out of the way back to back. That might also change! Anyway, I try to think about the future and financially putting numerous kids through college at the same time, or having cars and insurance for each of them at the same times. Part of that thinking is b/c my parents did those things for me and I have always hoped to do those things for my children, although I will require them to work like I had to. But I know that not all families can do those things for their children.

I can't help it though, I am a CPA, it is in my nature to think about the financial future. That is usually enough to make me wait to buy something or not go overboard doing something else.

I think there is a reversal surgery though as well if you and DH ever change your mind. [

] Is there much of an age difference b/w you and him? Maybe that is part of your difference of opinion as well.

chris

Posted : 6/5/2006 12:21:24 AM

Foster, adopt even with children there are TONS out there that want and need a home!

What if I don't want one now, but next year I do?

ORIGINAL: angeltrudelle

jeano

Posted : 6/5/2006 4:16:27 AM

Angel, I had my tubes tied when I was 29. Never regretted it. I have one son. It would have been nice to have had a daughter, but that's not the way life worked out. Enjoy your three kids, and I know you do! You're still a mom, will always be a mom. [

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glenmar

Posted : 6/5/2006 6:27:24 AM

My story is a little different. I had my tubes tied after my second son was born and several months later lost a baby girl. How that sperm made it's way through is anyones guess, but I did concieve again. About a year later they took out my uterus. THAT DH wouldn't give up his manhood, and by that point, the unexpected pregnancy had caused problems and my surgery NEEDED to be done. When I met and married the most wonderful man in the world I regretted that I couldn't have a child with him. But, you won't be in that position. YOUR plumbing will still be intact.

My "baby" will be 27 in September. I STILL have a box of baby memories. And yep, I still have the bassinette that they both first slept in. If my boys ever get around to making me a grandma, there will be a few special things for the grandbaby, that his/her daddy wore as a newborn.

There is nothing wrong with you wanting to keep some of the clothing from your girls. Nothing. And it sounds to me like this cousin is being pretty greedy expecting that you'll turn everything over to her. The crib, stroller, swing, stuff like that, well, that's less personal than the clothing that they wore. Go through and pull out a few things to share that you don't feel any attachment to and let her buy her own, or get her own at a shower. My DH understands how I can get teary eyed going through a box of baby memory....most men don't get it tho.

magilacudy

Posted : 6/5/2006 7:01:53 AM

My husband is turning 34, I'm 26. I know it's because he is older. My two boys are from my stupid mistake of getting married at 18. (thought I knew it all) My boys were not the mistake. My daughter is from this marriage. I always said I wanted another because if anything ever happened to me, my boys would be off living with their dad and I know they would never see my daughter, so I wanted to give her a sibling. My DH at the time when she was bron wanted another as well, and then he changed his mind. Everyone always thought I would have six kids. Not because I was crazy or irresponsible, but because I always wanted a big family.

I really am ok with not having another. I am not giving all of the clothes away. I talked to Dh last night and I told him, accept it. I am accepting no more children, so he can accept that these are MY things and they are stayin.

Glenda, my mother had her tubes tied when she was 23. She already had 2 children. She remarried 10 years ago and she got pregnant with twins. Unfortunetly the babies didn't make it. Thats why I said there was no way I would do it. I told DH if he was that serious about this, HE could get it done.

I'm so glad you all understand how I feel, I thought everyone would say get rid of everything. Thanks [

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Julie Byers

Posted : 6/5/2006 11:31:46 AM

I totally understand wanting to keep your things, don't be pressured into giving them up until you are danged good and ready, if ever! I can't have anymore either, and it took some getting used to. I think part of my identity is (was ) my fertility. It felt like in my mind that meant I am old and used up now and not young and fertile anymore. It was hard to accept. You are not required to give up any of your things to anyone so don't fall for that nonsense. Jules