Dog Community

How does one explain a dog's death to a toddler?

Posted : 3/18/2006 1:11:30 AM

Our neighbors have a little boy who's about two-and-a-half. Since he was a baby, he loved our dog, always wanting to pet him, making a bee-line for us when we were outside (our backyards connect). His parents were thrilled, as they don't have a lot of experience with dogs, and they were so happy that their son's first experience would be with a gentle, loving dog. In fact, one of his first words (besides the obvious Mama and Papa, etc.) was "Tonka," repeated endlessly when he'd see us.

I'm not sure they know Tonka passed away in January. Other neighbors we're closer to (other dog owners) know, but we haven't made a point to call everybody on the block. And we haven't been outside much to see anyone to give the news.

With spring coming, I know I will soon see my sweet little neighbor outside, and he'll run to the edge of our yard, pointing and saying, "Tonka, Tonka," like he always does. I plan to call the mom this weekend to make sure she knows what happened in case she wants to somehow explain to Sam.

I may be making too much of this -- but I'm trying to plan ahead so I won't be caught off-guard. Any suggestions of good responses? I think he's too young to understand if I say, "Tonka's in heaven" or "He's an angel now." On the other hand, I don't want to say "He's inside napping." That's why I want to tell the parents ahead of time -- they may have a certain way they want to explain it to Sam, and I want to make sure I handle it well, also.

Honestly, seeing Sam for the first time without Tonka by my side may be the hardest greeting I'll have to make since Tonka's death. It always did my heart good to see them together -- Tonka was at his best around tiny children or small or shy animals. His noble nature really came through then, putting them at ease.

Thanks for any thoughts or suggestions!

Julie Beveridge

Posted : 3/18/2006 2:47:48 AM

Probably the most the child will understand is that Tonka went bye bye, I know it sounds odd, but they seem to get that easier. If the family is pretty religious they may explain it that way.
If it were me I would allow the parents to explain it and leave it at that, I am sure they have the best ideas for their son.

Sorry for your loss

marynh

Posted : 3/18/2006 9:10:15 AM

I have a 4 year old great nephew and his sister is 2 years old.
They had been around Sadie dawg since they were born. Dougie was here a lot when he was a baby. Sadie, her first baby, treated him like a pup.
She would lay on the bed with him (when I was there) and when I laid Dougie down for a nap Sadie would lay in the doorway. She had an instinctive protectiveness toward that baby - which lessened as he got mobile.
But he spent the night his sister was born here and Sadie laid on the floor by him when he slept.
I told Dougie Sadie went to Rainbow Bridge - a special place for doggies and kitties, and all animals, when they can't be with us anymore.
His idiotic father had gotten him a rat, Raticus, and stupidly let Dougie sleept with it one night. Dougie killed it when he rolled over in his sleep.
So after I told him about Sadie he said "oh Raticus is with her"
he kinda got it but at least he was able to think his rat was with Sadie

tacran

Posted : 3/18/2006 4:59:27 PM

Thanks for your replies. I'm definitely leaving the explaining to the parents - I don't have any parenting skills, so I won't overstep any boundaries or "butt in." Once I know how they'll explain it to him, then I'll ask them if they have a preferred response for me to use when I see him so I can be consistent with their preference.

I thought about telling them about the Rainbow Bridge, since they don't have pets and probably aren't familiar with that. It seems like the concept of a group of animals playing together somewhere is easier for a kid to grasp, like your grand-nephew, Mary. Even if they think it's a physical place somewhere, at least it's an explanation of why the pet isn't in the house or yard anymore. I'm glad Dougie immediately went to the thought that Sadie and Raticus are together. But I'm so sorry he had to experience the rat's death that way -- that had to have been quite traumatic. When I was about 9, my goldfish jumped out of his bowl while I was at school, and I stepped on him as I approached my desk to feed him that afternoon. He had been dead for a while, but I screamed and cried for hours after that. Even though my mother explained I hadn't killed him, I was devastated that I hurt his body somehow. I think it's why I look down at my feet when I walk most of the time!