my bosses wedding, "social grace" question.

You can look up on a "Miss Manners" type site I imagine. I would think a card would be fine though.

I would probably check the main stores for their registry.  BB&B, Macy's ect.   I wouldnt spend a lot of time looking but just check a few or ask a co-worker if they know where the couple is registered.  If all fails then maybe a gift card.

I have many times given a gift to someone who was getting married or having a baby just because I wanted to...even though I wasn't invited to the wedding or shower.  Sometimes it was just a friend of a friend that I was sending it to and didn't really know them well at all.  I would look them up at some of the main stores...Macey's, Dillards, Target, Nordstroms, Bed Bath and Beyond, Crate and Barrell etc etc and if you find them you can look for something not over the top expensive but something to show a nice gesture that is within your price range...and if you decide you want to get them something...get it!  It is your way of saying congratulations and wishing them well in their new life as a married couple.  When it comes to that type of thing, I am not one to look up the manners but do what feels right or makes me happy...and I am typically one to see what the proper etiquette is on things.

When I got married, DH and I paid for our own wedding and had to limit our guest list to mostly just family.  We had a number of friends and aquaintances send us reasonable gifts and it meant a lot to me that they sent it...and the gesture that goes with it.
 
Oh and one more thing...I often will buy it online and just have it mailed when it is an even I am not actually invited to or attending.  I don't know why but I thought I would share that.  It seems less uncomfortable and like I am just sending a gift and not trying to confront someone.  If it is your boss and someone you see daily though it might not be as big of a deal as someone you really don't see on a regular basis.

i never even thought of the registry... perhaps because i was married in vegas and didn't have one myself[]
 
thanks guys!
 
and, weirdly, i almost never see my boss at all... so getting the gift TO her could be a slight problem.[>:]

If you find her registry and you buy it online, you shouldn't have any problem having it mailed even without her address.  They will have it on file although it may not be available to you.  Also, you can always buy her a gift card to one of her places where she is registered if there isn't anything on the registry that is appealing to you or in your price range.

I'd say that's a very nice gesture, Badrap. I don't know what to get her... no suggestions. But, I think it would be a sweet gesture.

Maybe something generic? Candle holders or photo frame?

I think a small gift and/or a card would be a lovely gesture. Perhaps something innocuous, like Sera suggested. Maybe a nice vase or something like that.