glenmar
Posted : 1/20/2007 5:59:42 AM
We HOPE this is temporary. She loves her home and wants to be back in it, but she does enjoy all the activity without having to go anyplace to have it.
Here's the problem. Sis who has power of attorney feels that Mom is not progressing mentally. Now, MOM still has the say, but Sis is kind of taking this power of attorney stuff a bit too far....Mother is still alive and kicking and is still mentally competent, but she does have her little glitches now and then. Sis goes out there and hangs around for hours. And, it seems to me that she's mentally waiting for the little slips to confirm that progress isn't being made. Oldest sis is in Ohio and only has phone contact, and my visits are typically less than 2 hours because gee, I am working and have to accomplish something during the day, and too long tires Mom out. Oldest Sis and I DO see progress, but Sis who hangs there all the time doesn't.
When I try to talk to her about spending less time out there she says "Mom depends on me".....and how the heck do I tell her that Mom depends on her too much and because of that doesn't NEED to be mentally strong?? Sis is creating this co-dependent cycle, which she's done ever since my Mother moved up this way 15 years ago. In the beginning, and even still now, Sis would go and sit with Mom at all her meals. Well, with Sis sitting there, Mom didn't need to talk to the other folks at her table. The first weekend I absolutely could NOT stay in the diningroom.....I was still recovering from the flu and the smell of food was making me ill. But, I watched, and on her own, Mom started conversations and joined in on existing ones. But, later in the week, when I sat with her a couple times, she focused on me and didn't chat with others. Based on that, I rarely have a meal with Mom, simply because I feel that it's in her best interest to be able to strike up new friendships and she won't do it with us there. We take her OUT for meals sometimes, but I try not to eat with her at the facility so she WILL reach out to others.
Sis is really sensitive and gets upset very easily. She's also OCD and is a gal who can spend the entire day cleaning a small 3 bedroom house if allowed to. She runs a load of laundry for two or three items, never leaves anything in the dryer, never leaves clean dishes in the dishwasher overnite. So this hours on end at the facility is NOT good for her either...she's totally out of her routine and is getting rather pushy because of it, and seeing things that she WANTS to see, and not what is. Whew, what a major dump I just did!!