I really need some help

    • Gold Top Dog

    I really need some help

    Ok guys bare with me. I'm a complete basket case right now. I'm at the lowest I have ever been. I got into a huge fight with my grandmother  yesterday, it was bad. I have never in my life talked back to her or ever been yelled at by her. Here it goes...
     
    I went to look at a house yesterday. Very nice place in the country, it's far, that is the only downside. We did not want to take the kids out of their school, they have been here from the begining, so they don't want to leave either. We had hoped on getting the house a little ways down from us but the price is a little too high.  I went to 11 different grade schools from moving and I hated it. I don't want the kdis to be bounced around. We love this small community. So we don't know what to do. Then...
    I found a house inpector who is coming today to check for mold in the house. (that I am in now)  We get a musty smell in the kitchen and there is water under the house year round. So the inspector is going to do this for me for free because he's related.
     
    I tell my GM about it and she starts yelling at me "What are you going to do if they find mold and you ahve to get out" I said I don't know, but according to the rental tribunal the landlord will have to pay for us to stay somewhere for a few months and then it's up to us to find something. Then she  yells at me that I should not be living here in the first place. There is nothing I can do, nothing. There is nothing I can find for rent, we have not found a house we can afford yet. She thinks I can just pack up today and I will find something. I cried so hard, and they are still running. I just  have hit bottom. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying and I feel like such a failure. It's not like it's just me I have to worry about. I have 3 children.  I just feel like throwing in the towel. I can't deal anymore. If he finds mold today and we have to leave this house, I have no where to go. We have been looking for three years for a better rental and it's just not there.
    We've tried getting into the housing corp. that my GM is in, way back when I was asking for prayers for that. I feel lost, depressed, and just weak right now. what the hell will I do.
    • Gold Top Dog
    Angel - I was prepared this morning to go back to the buying a house thread to try to offer you some practical long term advice from a lender's perspective on how to get your finances ready for a mortgage, but I can see you're in need of more immediate advice now and support.  I'm not sure what advice I can offer.  Regulations and tennant law clearly will differ between US and Canada, and I'll only know US stuff, albeit both as a tennant and a landlord.
     
    Just wanted to say I am sorry for your predicament - I know you are under great stress.  I hope your suspected mold situation turns out to be not as drastic as you are fearing - if it is very localized it can sometimes be quickly handled spraying with watered down bleach - I had a plaster wall that molded from a roof leak that had since been repaired - it was CREEPY looking, but spraying with bleach water (I'm thinking it was a 3 to 1 water to bleach ratio) eliminated it and when it dried it was primed with Kilz and then painted over.  Source of damp had also been rectified, of course.
     
    Get through this and then it's time to make a plan, a budget and stick to it.  A little pain and sacrifice now can have a brilliant pay off in the future.
    • Gold Top Dog
    I have 3 children. I just feel like throwing in the towel. I can't deal anymore

     
    For your 3 children's sake, there's no "throwing in the towel" allowed ok? [:)]
     
     I think you're doing the right thing in getting the house checked for mold.  What comes from that inspection will help you determine the next step.  Until then, don't worry about having all the answers.  As Lisa said, there are often ways to deal with mold that don't require moving from the home.  If it's bad enough that you have to do that though, it's better to find out now before you or your family become really sick.  Hang in there and let us know how it goes.
    • Gold Top Dog
    I can only tell you that for some bizarre reason, we tend to always picture the worst case scenario ... and those things that keep us awake at night worrying about them never happen.  Hang in.  Things WILL start to look up.

    Joyce
    • Gold Top Dog
    Well the inspection was just done and he said to get out as fast as I can. The sooner the better. The mold is bad and this house should be condemed.  He said that this house is not liveableand very dangerous.
     
    My son has been going to speach theropy for 3 years, this year they told me that the problem is not his speach, it's that he is plugged up. So when we brought him to the specialist she said it's alergy related, and he is on meds. My uncle said this is what is causing it. Also Ashley will be at the allergist next week to find out why she keeps getting hives and he said he is sure it's that she is sensative to mold.
     
    So we are looking, please keep us in your prayers that we find something, anything because knowing this I don't know how I will be able to rest. I knew it was bad I just didn't think this bad.
    • Gold Top Dog
    We'll keep fingers and paws crossed for you, Angel.  It seems to me that if your landlord has known about this problem and has consistently refused to correct it, he would be liable for finding someplace for you to live.

    Joyce
    • Gold Top Dog
    Thank you
     
    He would, but there is no other housing available right now.
    • Gold Top Dog
    Angel,
     
    I'm so sorry.  Yes, your uncle could be right.  Mold is a really nasty thing, and could be causing your children's illnesses.  I will pray for you to find a safe place and quickly.  When you get a moment, find a really good health store that's been around for years and ask advice on what to give to help your children build back up.  I wouldn't get a ton of stuff, b/c too many things just get to be tooooo much to take at once.  But, a multi once a day (good quality with the types of minerals that are absorbable, and dosed for a child so that they don't get too much), would be a good start.  Also, giving a small amount of a multi B at a seperate meal will help their body with the stress and a C as well at this meal when you don't give the multi.  I would definately add in some  basics.  Multi at breakfast and the C and B at dinner.  Do buy a good brand.
     
    As for your grandmother - she is getting older, and is probably easily upset more now.  She can't really help you solve the problem, and she may have felt stressed out that you have a problem that she can't help with. And she might be scared that you will move farther away from her.  Sometimes fear comes out as anger b/c we don't know how to address the fear.   I'm sure she loves you, and her yelling at you was another thing you didn't need right now.  But, try as best you can to keep it in perspective and remember that it is an isolated incident.  Try and overlook her yelling and consider it her inability to process the information and frustration and fear.  Again, I'm sure she is upset at what you are going thru and just is unable to show that in a proper way.
     
    As for changing schools, I can completely understand why you feel the way that you do, especially with your background.  But, that issue is not nearly as important as it was.  If your house is making your kids sick, then the priority of staying in the same school has went down the ladder drastically.  It is now a far less important issue than getting your kids into a safe, healthy home and working on letting their bodies regain health. 
     
    So,  look around and find a good school, then start looking in that area to move to.  I know this isn't your first choice.  But, getting out of that house is now the priority, and that may mean changing schools for your kids.  I know that's a tough pill to swallow - but it just has to be a secondary issue now. 
     
    Go ahead and contact a real estate person - they might have knowledge of a home that  you can rent that will still be in your current school system.   This is a tremedous amount of stress now.  But you can do this - for your kids sake as well as yours.
     
    You know what else?  This same mold could be wrecking havoc on you and that might be causing you to feel so overwhelmed.  Because your body may be staying busy and overloaded in  dealing with this toxin, so here comes along another problem and your body just doesn't want to deal with anything else.  So, it would make sense that you would feel overwhelmed.  But you can do it!
     
    If you go to church, now would be a good time to rally support.  Not just in prayers, but in people helping you to look for a place, and helping with the actual move.  And, of course, you've got us!  We will definately be here for support as much as we can.
     
    Take a deep breath and know that you can conquer this!  Start making a list so that the things needing to be done are on paper.  When you leave all those details in your head - it just gets too much to carry around.  And when you list those things that need to be done, and they seem impossible to get to - just remember - you only have to do one thing at a time - and just move the important stuff up to the top and let the unimportant details just wait.
     
    lynn
    • Gold Top Dog
    Lynn, Thank you so much. Your post was so nice and made me bawl. Your idea with asking the agent for help is great and just what I will do. Thank you so much.
    • Gold Top Dog
    I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, but now you know what you need to do and will get it done.  It might be a good idea to seriously consider that house you looked at yesterday.  You already know you liked it, and it's available.  The kids will quickly make new friends and adjust to a new school.  It's not as if you plan to move as often as your family did.  We were military and had to do it several times.  It's important to keep a positive approach to the new experiences they will have in a new community.  Wishing you the best!
    • Gold Top Dog
    I don't know if you have this in Canada, but here there's something that's advertised all the time ...  lendingtree.com.  You give them your info, then you start hearing from assorted lenders. It seems like there has to be one out there who can help you out.

    Joyce
    • Gold Top Dog
    Angel--I don't have much advice except I sympathize with the mold issue.  We've got it in our bathroom!  I hope you are able to find something affordable soon.  And, please, make up with your grandmother, apologize, do whatever you have to, even if you know she was wrong.  My grandmother has been sick on and off the past couple of years and well. . .nothing is worth losing time with your grandmother over.