Dog Community

Laughter Best Medicine

Posted : 8/28/2006 12:40:08 PM

I know this has nothing to do with doggies but I think everyone needs a little laughter for the day!!!

[size=3]One night a burglar is trying to break into a house. He's sneaking across the lawn when he hears a voice - "Jesus is watching you!" He jumps, turns around, but he doesn't see anything. So he starts creeping across the lawn again. "Jesus is watching you!" He hears it again. So now the burglar is really looking around, and he sees a parrot in a cage by the side of the house. He says to the parrot, "Did you say that?" The parrot answers "Yes I did." So the burglar asks, "What's your name?" The parrot says "Clarence." The burglar says "What kind of stupid idiot would name his parrot Clarence?" The parrot laughs and says, "The same stupid idiot that named his Rottweiler 'Jesus' "
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Candice Sparrow

Posted : 8/28/2006 1:53:36 PM

HELP NEEDED ASAP:

Please help! After two long years of being on a waiting list for a dog, we have been notified by breed rescue that, at long last, our number has come up and ... WE ARE HAVING A PUPPY!

We must get rid of our children IMMEDIATELY because we just know how time consuming our new little puppy is going to be and it just wouldn't be fair to the children. Since our little puppy will be arriving on Monday we MUST place the children up for adoption this weekend!

They are described as:

One male - His name is Tommy, Caucasian (English/Irish mix), light blonde hair, blue eyes. Four years old. Excellent disposition. He doesn't bite. Temperament tested. Does have problems with peeing directly in the toilet. Has had chicken Pox and is current on all shots. Tonsils have already been removed.

Tommy eats everything, is very clean, house trained & gets
Along well with others. Does not run with scissors and with a little training he should be able to read soon.

One female - Her name is Lexie, Caucasian (English/Irish mix),
Strawberry blonde hair, green eyes quite freckled. Two years old. Can be surly at times. Non-biter, thumb sucker. Has been temperament tested but needs a little attitude adjusting occasionally. She is current on all shots, tonsils out, and is very healthy & can be affectionate.

Gets along well with other little girls & little boys but does not like to share her toys and therefore would do best in a one child household. She is a very quick learner and is currently working on her house training-shouldn't take long at all.

We really do LOVE our children so much and want to do what's right for them; that is why we contacted a rescue group. But we simply can no longer keep them. Also, we are afraid that they may hurt our new puppy.

I hope you understand that ours is a UNIQUE situation and we have a real emergency here!!! They MUST be placed into your rescue by Sunday night at the latest or we will be forced to drop them off at the orphanage or along some dark, country road. Our priority now has to be our new puppy.

Author Unknown

Candice Sparrow

Posted : 8/28/2006 2:19:01 PM

Sorry I'm having a usual monday and needed a laugh, this one was the best i got in my email today!!

Harvey and Gladys are getting ready for bed. Gladys is standing in

front of her full-length mirror, taking a long, hard look at herself.

"You know, Harvey ," she comments. "I stare into this mirror and I

see an ancient creature. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs sag so much

that they dangle to my waist, my arms and legs are as flabby as popped

balloons, and my butt looks like a sad, deflated version of the Hindenburg!"

She turns to face her husband and says, "Dear, please tell me just

one positive thing about my body so I can feel better about myself."

Harvey studies Gladys critically for a moment and then says in a

soft, thoughtful voice, "Well... there's nothing wrong with your

eyesight."

Services for Harvey will be held Tuesday morning at 10:30 at the

First Presbyterian Church.

nyiceprincess

Posted : 8/29/2006 7:53:44 PM

Love that second one![

] Is that really an option???