Question... or rant... or ...

Yes, I have been there and it is hard. I've talked with a dear friend about this issue... we agreed that all you can really do is set your boundaries and express your feelings (I don't like what you're doing, it hurts me when you talk about this with me, I love you but I can't be near you right now... whatever it is you have to tell them)... beyond that you are helpless and it's difficult to deal with that. My sympathies - hugs and a puppy kiss from Russell!

I have so been there.  I feel your pain.  It is the hardest thing to watch someone destroy themselves and there really isn't anything you can do to stop it.  It really sucks when they are dragging you down with them getting you into heaps of debt and pawning your stuff off to support their habits.  You can only hope they decide they want help and seek it and you can be a support system, but even then, you still have no control over the situation.  My loved one had to hit rock bottom before they were ready to even admit there was a problem.  They ended up in a treatment center for a week and didn't follow up with any of the suggested continuing treatment except for the medication.  Thanks god they had the will power to beat that addiction for as long as they have.  I just hope it continues along the same path and doesn't revert.

Hope things start to look brighter for your loved one soon.    

I have a good friend who is way too old to have a crack habit, but he does.  He has lost EVERYTHING.  I can't imagine how much lower he can go.  He doesn't have a job, a car or even a phone, yet, somehow, he manages to stay high.  And the really sad thing is, two years ago, he had it all.

I want so badly to knock some sense into this person and say HEY!  Look at what your doing!  It wouldnt matter tho... it just hurts so bad to watch this happen.

 
It's good that you are letting this out because keeping it in and to yourself is harmful!  Especially when you care so much about this person.  I've been there, done that... only I was the one crashing & burning while everyone close to me watched.  Nothing anyone said would get me out of it.  It made me more defensive, as a matter of fact.  That's why I say FeFe was my angel here on earth... she shook me out of the hole I was digging for myself.  I pray that something will shake this person out of it as well.  Keep the faith!

I, too, feel your pain.  I am watching my little sister destroy herself right now.  You're right, there is nothing you can do or say to stop them no matter how hard you try.  I have tried so much to get her to listen and realize what she is doing, but she will just have to learn for herself and hopefully it won't be too late.  I really love her and want the best for her, but she just wants to keep going down that path.  Just let yourself be there for this person when they are ready for you.  Hopefully, everything will work itself out in the end. 

Defensive, yes.... angry, yes... anything other than what he should be, yes...
 
Without a doubt I will be here with all the love in the world for him when he reaches out but the fact is I KNOW that day will never come. 
 
Its hard to speak about it while withholding who it is... and what they are doing... and while I think this forum is a great place for things like this because the opinions are from friends but from friends that are not near you and have no judgement on anything and can offer great support and advice... its just really hard to spit it out.
 
He has dug a hole, got in it, covered himself up and exploded to anyone who tries to help him out... or even mentions that hes in a hole.
 
I just cant put into words how painful it is to watch his life crumble.  I want so so badly to fix it for him... I cant even think about it without breaking down.  I hope I cant get the courage to share with you all because Ive seen the support others have gotten but its just not wanting to come out.
 
I guess my problem is that its just not good enough for me to watch.  SO frustrating to watch, but unacceptable at the same time.  Its like NO! I wont watch you do this, but I cant do anything... My insides are panicking about what to do but knowing theres nothing at the same time... its weird. 

.

Amy, It's spooky how our lives are so similar.  I have a four older brothers and one of them is going to die a slow painful death because of his life style.  I have tried EVERYTHING.  I have helped all brothers at one time or other. Mostly threw multiple divorces. But this one brother... I see the symptoms and I don't think he'll live another three years.  Being the baby sister, I always thought they would take care of me, so I do hold a tiny bit of resentment.   I have a good life and a great family so I focus more on that and just keep telling myself that I can't change him or help if this brother doesn't want it.   Wish I could be more of a help to you.  Good luck and try not to beat yourself up. 

I can relate- it's gutwrenching. It's so hard letting go of the fact that it's only them that can do the real "fixing", and they're only going to start changing when they want to.
For me, it was hard not getting angry at them for not letting me help/save them. I think it's important that you look after yourself, and get the support you need. Often in situations like these, all you can do is make sure that they know that you're there for them if/when they need it, and just wait for them to come around. Friends don't have to be rescuers (IMO).
 
But yeah, it's hard letting go. I'm sorry you're going through this! Pocket sends puppy kisses too.
 
 

Okay here goes nothing.  (Ive typed and deleted a million things). 

Its my dad. I live with my mom and dad right now, we bought a house together to invest as some of you may know.   He has been kicked out as of today.  I have always always been SO SO close to my dad... we cook all the time, heck, the night before last freaking night we grilled steak and drank beer like usual.  My mom is my best friend in the world and I am hers. 

I am so upset over this.  On the one hand I feel like bad friend to my mom who could really use the support in her decision and hard time and she deserves it.  Sh**, if it was anyone BUT MY dad I would be like of course your doing the right thing.  BUT... its not.  Its my dad who I love more than anything in the world and it rips my heart out to see him like this.  I worry.  Wheres he gonna go... hell.. where is he right now.  I dont want this to happen with everything in me. 

Hes sorta been in and out today going back and forth from the house to his truck and its been ripping me apart.  Every time I hear the door I jumped up to see if he was leaving or what... He went from lashing out at the news, to sorry, back to lashing out when he realized sorry wasnt gonna work this time, to what looked to me like confusion...... 

I know I cant fix this but what can I do? 

All she (my mom) wants is for you to fix this issue... I know its not that easy but my god you are choosing THAT over your family?  Is it really worth it (btw its multiple things)... a lifestyle I guess you could say.

I cant stop crying... Im sick with worry.. I cant believe this is really happening... I feel so helpless... I want everything to just be ok again.

My dad is an alcoholic.  I lived for years not knowing there was anywhere I could go to get some understanding.  My best suggestion for you would be to go to Al-Anon or even a therapist and talk about your feelings with people who can understand.  Al-Anon is for families and friends of alcoholics.  I am not sure that is what he is but if it is this might be a really good resource for you.  You can apply what you learn to anything in your life including whatever else there may be.  I might be jumping to a bunch of conclusions but if this is your case, maybe it will help you.  The one I used to go to was in the same place as an AA meeting and a lot of times a husband would go to one meeting and a wife would go to another etc etc.  You are stuck in a REALLY BAD place right now, right in the middle and no wonder you are SO upset.  If you didn't live with them both it might be a little different.
 
Harley and Izzy send lots of hugs and licks......I am sorry you are dealing with this. 

There is Narc-Anon, too, if it is drugs. But it's all the same stuff, really. Amy, get yourself some support! You deserve it!

Thanks guys.  Hes here.  I dont know whats going on with them but Im glad hes home.  Im trying to stay positive and think things will turn out good although thats hard to say.  I just couldnt handle it when he left... I was breaking down.  I feel okay as long as hes here as crazy as that sounds... even tho I know the problem is not solved, I can relax a little.  I just hope things start to get better for him, I just cant fathom it all falling apart.  It would be horrible.  I just HOPE for him.
 
And thanks for the doggy kisses.[]

Most can`t be helped until they reach out and decide they want to be helped. This usually requires hitting rock bottom and that can be death. I can tell you from experience you can`t force them and you just have to pray that their particular bottom isn`t the end.
Whatever the behavior is he is doing the best thing you can do for him is not tolerate, excuse or enable the behavior. Sort of tuff love.