tacran
Posted : 6/16/2006 2:29:13 PM
I'm late getting to your post, Lori, but I'll add my thoughts.
When I was 14-15, I started collecting "quotes" in a notebook when I heard or read them somewhere. One of them was:
"The way to love something is to realize it might be lost." That I saved that quote when I was so young shows that I was on my way to becoming the neurotic, anxiety-ridden adult I am today.
I had no idea how fast I'd fall in love with Tonka when we got him, and how I would instantly become a worry-wart. I worried about real dangers and highly-unlikely ones, and if he had any unusual symptoms or behaviors, I was convinced there was a terrible explanation, until the vet told us otherwise. Even when he was young and healthy, I thought everyday about the fact that he could leave us at any time. I'm fully aware how crazy this sounds, but I was the first one home from work most of his life, and as I put the key in the door, I would say a silent prayer that he'd be okay when I walked in (the prayer was said out loud in his final months).
I think everyone thinks about the possibility of losing a loved one (human or animal), but not everyone focuses on it like I do. It depends on your personality type. A friend told me years ago that when her BF was really late getting home from somewhere (this was before cell phones and you had no way of telling someone you were stuck in traffic), she'd get herself so upset imagining him killed in a wreck, in enough detail that she'd be at the point of thinking what she'd wear to his funeral (she wasn't vain - it was just her way of describing how far her imagination would go). By the time her BF got home, she'd be a mess. I knew what she meant then, and I really understand now that I'm older.
I cherished every minute of Tonka's life because I knew he'd be gone someday (olinda's post was perfect - those ARE the best moments). And as someone else said, fearing what would happen to him if we died first -- that was a huge enough worry that we named guardians for him in our will, complete with a financial arrangement. It's exhausting to be this type of worrier, but that's how it is for me!
Finally, I think it was Amy who said how she kind of appreciates reading Rainbow Bridge posts and/or revisiting her sorrow about Kayla. This is very true for me. I know I should probably close the door and not tempt myself with other sad stories, but the emotion is still raw for me, and I feel I still need to express it. You said it perfectly Amy when you said it's not always about the death itself, it's just crying over just missing your furbaby SO much. That's what I can't get over yet.
But, I guess it's all part of the deal when you really love someone - you can't have the pain without having had the love first!