First of all, the basic answer to your question is a resounding YES. I think often times people can make a huge mistake in their choice of a dog because they don't research enough, and because they aren't brutally honest *with themselves* about what they want or need in a dog. Either they get carried away in the moment (and those of us who do rescue can be 100 times more guilty of this than anyone who did an impulse buy from a 'pet store' -- and I HATE admitting that!!!)
THREE times I've done exactly that. We took Muffin the Intrepid on thinking we'd place him -- it took me TWO YEARS to bond with him in any way ... and frankly it was a two-way street!! He liked my husband fine, but first off I was the caretaker and this was a dog with hellacious demodex, required a TON of care and yet the dog wouldn't give ME the time of the day!! But I *was* the one always "doing the Mom thing" to poke and prod ... but he just stayed very very aloof from me.
One day I had thins revelation -- we were in a crowed place and he wound up in a situation where this little two year old was fascinated with him -- this ill-mannered child who was in LOVE with "doggie" came up and shoved his finger up Muffin's nose halfway to the elbow ... and MUFFIN LOVED IT.
Suddenly I realized -- Muffin NEEDED kids. We had none. Once we began to do pet therapy with him -- he bonded with ME and bloomed. Now I refer to him as the most awesome dog we ever had -- and I would have MISSED that had we rehomed him (and his skin was always so bad no one would ever have taken him but no way would I let him be put down!)
Muffin wasn't 'bonded' nearly as much TO me as other dogs I've had. But we came to respect him SO much because he had such a giving nature and was such a natural for really deep difficult therapy work (cancer children, deaf children, ANYONE sick or unwell -- Muffin would literally just quietly lie there and invite them to take energy from him and strength from him as long as they needed. Then he'd move on to the next. And when he got home that night he would be exhausted!).
But he bloomed so much doing what he loved -- it was easy to love and respect him -- and I wouldn't have missed knowing him for ANYTHING. We often used to say 'We're just a car -- HE does the therapy!!"
What changed? Me! I quit wanting him to love me me me me ... and just let him BE what he was good at.
Ms. Socks -- she was a 'foster' that literally just got dumped on us. She had mega advanced heartworm and was literally at death's door when we took her. She'd been in an abusive situation (her original owner gave her up when she went into a spouse abuse "house" and never came back to claim her at a kennel -- which is how my group got her). She was one of those dogs who was well behaved, well mannered, but who liked to sink into the background and not draw attention to herself.
Socks was far closer to my husband than to me -- but interestingly she was quite devoted -- she was 10 1/2 when she came to us and lived with us another 6 1/2 years. MUCH effort went into her health (the heartworms had left her heart and lungs very damaged -- she was a labor of love). She was just grateful for a home.
But again, just letting her go "along" to pet therapy when we went to the nursing home -- it was HER thing. She wore bitches britches because she was incontinent (late late spay, plus she took Lasix and a ton of drugs for the heart that made her leak) -- but the old timers at the Alzheimer's home got this HUGE kick out of the fact that she was "just like them -- in diapers TOO".
She was never Miss Outgoing but she did blossom so much -- and she enjoyed her life greatly. She wasn't MY heart dog ... a long way from it. But seeing her enjoy life and enjoy visitation so much -- again ... it was an experience I will never ever forget. She made ME better. Her patience, and her determination were actually inspiring.
What changed? me. Learning to "respect" a dog is sometimes a deeper type of a bond than just "Loving" them.
Luna -- she's a current one. We'd lost three dogs in 6 months the previous year ... we took Billy because we thot he was deaf and we actually SAW him with a handicapped boy and thot wow ... this dog will be GREAT at pet therapy.
Except he's not ... only in very strict circumstances. Because ....??? He's TERRIFIED of little girls. We have worked our brains out in the past two years to desenitize abuse he suffered in foster care at the hands of a little girl who apparently hurt him repeatedly by pulling ears that were already infected and causing trauma. He's better, but I doubt Billy will every 'enjoy' pet therapy with a lot of children. He goes to a facility for developmentally diabled children and LOVES it -- because they don't dive *at* him -- but he'll likely never love a place like Give Kids the World that can be big families all rushing at the dog at once.
So we took Luna -- something about her pic in Petfinder just pulled at me -- and she was sweet when we looked at her. But frankly? We'd looked for weeks for another dog to help Foxy take over some of the pet therapy load, and I'd had a couple of big disappointments (we wanted a cart dog in the worst way and mostly they are too full of 'issues' to be reliable and comfortable with the rigors of therapy. People *think* "Oh this dog is handicapped so it will be GREAT with handicapped kids" and that just isn't the case.
I was tired of looking -- I also really didn't have my heart in taking a YOUNGER dog (she was 8 months old). I LIKE old guys. But the vet bills were killing us and we needed a core dog with half decent health. Puppies wear me out just looking at them - I"m somewhat disabled myself.
So I said "yes" to her essentially because I was worn down with all the "looking" and we knew she was good with children.
But the bond just wasn't there. And she was my first "hound" and I had NO past experience that told me realistically how much they WHINE. And it drove me freaking out of my mind -- she whined and 'talked' ALL the time. I can't even tell you how *on edge* it made my nerves. I thought I would lose my mind before two weeks were up.
Colossal mistake? YOU BET!! Oh I wanted SO badly to give her back -- but like you, I'm just not wired that way. This was MY fault -- I'm the one who gave the go ahead when I knew she wasn't what I'd pictured ... 2 weeks of her whining had me ready to slit my own wrists. No ... bleeding to death would have been TOO SLOW. Just shoot me!!
I have tried HARD to bond with her. Now my husband and she are bestest buddies. She is sooooooooooooooooooo 'daddy's girl' it's not even funny. Billy is a Mommy-suck, and Luna is daddy's girl.
But seeing her blossom in pet therapy has been great. SHE loves the challenges of Give Kids the World. She can be a total wild child -- we drive onto that property and all of a sudden "Luna the Therapy Dog" comes over her -- she becomes calm, and hangs back WAITING for a child to indicate they want to pet her (this is a 180 degree difference in her personality) -- simply because she LIKES it.
Again what changed? both of us. I keep *trying* and she's maturing and becoming far more interested in 'trying to please'. But for me, finding that thing about THIS DOG that I can 'respect' and 'admire' -- those wind up being far far more important to me than just "love". The love birthed out of those other feelings is very very powerful and very very deep.
Momtomany I'm not in any way shape or form putting you down. NOT at all. I'm telling you I've felt that way THREE times. Each dog was different. Each one had a different 'resolution' emotionally for me. But in each case we found the dog something to "do" that gave THEM a focus.
Now you don't have to do pet therapy. That's OUR thing. But there is pet therapy, there is obedience training (and Tally -- any dog can compete in that -- no 'breed' papers required), there is tracking, agility and a zillion other things.
BUT -- if you find something for this dog to do that it likes doing -- something that will help this dog grow and mature. You may find love comes out of that in unexpected ways.
I guess all I'm trying to do is expand your understanding of "love". Love isn't *always* the go-mushy-you-make-my-heart-melt" feeling. Love sometimes comes out of the most unexpected things.
However - neither am I going to hate you if you re-home this dog. But honestly? If you said "there's something about her that gives me the willies" ... or "I just can't stand that herding thing" or something.
I think doing right by a dog is more than giving them a spot in your kitchen to lie. *Just* keeping a dog because you believe a "dog is for life" may be responsible, but *sometimes* it might not be the right thing.
What I'm suggesting is a lot of work -- I'm suggesting you actually change YOU to develop this bond. Do totally different things than you've done in the past *specifically* to build this bond.
If you choose to re-home the dog I wouldn't blame you. However, just because I'm "older than dirt" and I can look back on the lives of many dogs who have enriched mine ... I can tell you that the ones I've had to work the hardest to develop any sort of positive bond -- those were the dogs who actually impacted my life the most.
Lunabelle and I are still working on it -- but we're both working HARD. And she's going to be a fine dog - probably she will always be closer to David than to me.
But if neither of you CAN work up any bond -- then you probably should re-home the dog. But altho I can certainly understand it ... I can *almost promise* you that if you persist with this one, she will change YOU. And change you for the better.
Good luck - this was kind of a back-handed answer ... but the most honest I could giveyou.