Dog Community

My Sister

Posted : 5/21/2007 11:52:59 AM

I got a call Saturday evening from my nephew that my sister, Jan, had

assed away last week. She was 55. They found her unconcious in her apartment and weren't able to revive her. They're going to do an autopsy but they think it was drug-related. I'd expected this call to come some day, but it still caught me off guard. My nephew lives in Las Vegas and is driving to Utah to pick up my sister's ashes. He seemed at a loss as to what to do next. I suggested burying her with my mom and dad in southern Calif. My grandparents and aunts and uncles are all buried in the same cemetary too.

My sister and I were extremely close as kids and teenagers. When my mom died, she was 17 and I was 12. Jan became like a mom to me. She was struggling even then though, and I was probably more stable and mature than she was. She used drugs but cleaned herself up, got married and had 2 beautiful kids. They bought a home and she seemed happy and stable. Then they moved to Las Vegas (her husband's home) and things went downhill quickly. Soon she abandoned her kids and husband and was living on the street. None of us heard from her or knew anything more than that she was somewhere in Utah for many years. Eventually she started contacting my dad, but it was only once a year or so. When my dad died last year, we tracked her down and bought her a plane ticket to come to the funeral. She made it halfway (to San Francisco) and then turned around and flew back to Utah. I chalked it up to her sense of drama "I just can't do this, it's too hard for me" but I'll always wonder. None of us, including her own children, have any idea what life has been like for her and I feel very sad about that. Understandably, my niece has so much anger that she doesn't even want to have anything to do with her burial. Jan never even met my niece's son, her grandson. It seems like you read about situations like this, but it's really hard to comprehend when it's your own family. I guess I just feel that although it's over now and she's finally at peace, there's sadness and regret that can never be erased.

bragg1120

Posted : 5/21/2007 1:12:36 PM

Cathy, I am so sorry to hear about your sister. Even though you expected that call one day, I know it still came as such a shock. Do you think she kept things hidden so nobody in the family knew what she was going through?

I'm also so very sorry for your niece & nephew and all the emotions they're going through right now. What you said is true, it's hard to comprehend. I hope all of your family will one day have peace... it's so hard having so many questions unanswered.

If there's anything I can do or if you need to talk, just let me know. My prayers are with you and your family. I'm so sorry.

cakana

Posted : 5/21/2007 1:42:04 PM

Do you think she kept things hidden so nobody in the family knew what she was going through?

I'm sure that had a lot to do with it. She contacted me about 10 yrs ago when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was so happy to hear from her again. She had no money and would call me collect 2-3 times a day. The more I talked with her, the more I realized that she was still using drugs and sometimes I could barely make sense of what she was saying. After chatting daily for a few weeks, she asked me for money. I told her I didn't have any and she said "I knew I could never count on my family" and hung up. That was the last time I heard from her. I didn't have much money but I would've found it if I'd thought it would've helped her. I knew in my heart though that she'd use it to buy more drugs.

I know that my niece has such bitterness mainly because my sister was never one to accept responsibility for her actions. I think if Erin had ever once heard her mom say "I'm sorry", she'd have begun to forgive her. I wish more than anything that could've happened before she died.

bragg1120

Posted : 5/21/2007 2:40:58 PM

That one line "I knew I could never count on my family" says it all. My SIL was friends with a woman (who everyone knew was on some sort of drugs) that constantly asked people for money. One day, she asked me and I told her I didn't have it to give and she says "I thought you were a nice person but I can see I was wrong". That's just a classic line, isn't it? She never asked me again. Drugs make people do such odd things, behave in such odd ways. And you were right... if you gave your sister that money, you already know what it would have been used for.

Can you talk to Erin? or is she not willing to listen at the moment? That could change in time and maybe if you ever can talk with her about it, you might give Erin some of the peace her mom couldn't give her. It's sad how two small words could make a huge difference.

How are you doing with all of this?

cakana

Posted : 5/21/2007 3:09:44 PM

How are you doing with all of this?

I think I'll feel better if we can bring her back and bury her with my parents. I think that'd give me some peace and closure. I have been in touch with Erin over the last year or so and I'd actually been thinking that maybe I could write something for both her and my nephew, David, describing Jan before she lost her way. I have bunches of pictures of her/them and thought that they should have them. So this morning I was trying to think of some sweet stuff about Jan and sadly, I can see I'm going to have to work at that a bit [

].

ottoluv

Posted : 5/21/2007 3:29:19 PM

Oh Cathy, I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like she has been through a lot in her too short life. May peace be with her now in heaven. [sm=angel.gif]

mrv

Posted : 5/21/2007 3:50:58 PM

Loosing a sister is so hard....I pray for you and your family to grieve and then find peace.... Honor the good and the joy you shared.

marty_ga

Posted : 5/21/2007 4:08:57 PM

I am really sorry to hear this...prayers for you and your family to come to terms with her life and death. It must be so difficult for you all.

glenmar

Posted : 5/21/2007 6:53:10 PM

I'm so sorry, Cathy.

I lost a sister 12 years ago this summer, and I still miss her, still miss knowing that she is on this earth.

Hugs to you, and prayers for peace for your whole family. I'm here if you need to talk.

willowchow

Posted : 5/21/2007 9:05:15 PM

I'm really sorry about your sister.

jessies_mom

Posted : 5/21/2007 9:36:47 PM

I think I'll feel better if we can bring her back and bury her with my parents. I think that'd give me some peace and closure.

I'm so sorry for your loss and hope she will be buried with her parents. I'll be praying for you and the rest of the family.

sooner

Posted : 5/21/2007 11:19:24 PM

Sounds like tumultuous life. May she rest in peace and your family have strength and peace.

bragg1120

Posted : 5/22/2007 9:10:48 AM

Cathy, I think your idea of writing something for Erin and David describing their mom along with pictures would be therapeutic, not just for them but for you too. Forcing you to remember the good times with Jan and hopefully, they'd see her in a different light.

I hope all of you begin to have

eace and closure once she's buried with your parents.

dyan

Posted : 5/28/2007 3:25:10 PM

Oh Cathy,,,, I am just now reading this...I am so sorry!

pofi_pasquale

Posted : 6/2/2007 9:47:45 PM

Sorry I missed this earlier, Cathy, and so very sorry for the loss of your sister. Losing someone in this manner is heartbreaking, I know. Wishing her peace and you and your family comfort.