Vibes Needed

Annie, what an incredibly difficult situation. Consider those vibes sent, and remember to do something every day that is just for you. Caregiver burnout is so tragic to watch, and with a couple of you involved, maybe you can avoid it in the long run. Peace can only come with acceptance that you made the decision out of love; sometimes loving someone means admitting to human frailty.

Best, best wishes to you - Yu

Good thoughts coming your way, Willow sends her love too! 

Annie - sending you lots of good thoughts and strength.  I know how tough this is.  My dad passed away in January after 2 years in a nursing home suffering from dementia.  Honestly, I was relieved that he was finally in a safe place but it broke my heart too.  He had reached the point where he couldn't really converse anymore and was delusional most of the time.  Still, I feared that he knew exactly where he was and hated it horribly.  If your dad is able to be in an assisted living facility, he's doing better than my dad.  Some of the those places are really quite nice.  I hope that's the case.  You're also fortunate that you live nearby.  For me, it was a 7 hour drive or a 2 hour flight and so I didn't see him nearly as often as I'd have like.  The guilt was incredible.
The advice to do something for yourself is so true.   As a good friend said to me "it's time to put on your oxygen mask" - meaning, you can't take care of him unless you also take care of yourself. 

Being the "go to" person can suck the life out of you if you don't take care of yourself.  I know from experience.  Sending you strength and good vibes your way.....

Annie, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope your dad does find some peace.
 
You just remember to take care of you too. Dementia is a rough thing to deal with. My grandma passed away last year after a 12 year battle with Alzheimer's.
 
You have a lot on your plate with your dad, and the doggy day care you are involved in, your fur kids and just living day to day. You make sure you make an Annie day at least once a week. Get some bubble bath, lock the bathroom door and relax, sit down and eat a whole cheese cake if you want! LOL! Whatever it is that is for you.. with no demands from ANYONE and that includes the fur kids!
 
 

Annie, you still have my number, right?  USE it.  Everything everyone said above it true -- especially the part about making sure there is time for YOU.  In fact, since you have family you might assign days for each of you to have at least one day a week to NOT be 'on call'. 
 
See if there is any pet therapy group near you that might be willing to make visitations -- does he LIKE dogs??  Sometimes it just takes someone to make the need known.  When we started visiting Eastbrooke EIGHT years ago it was because a woman stopped at PetSmart while I was helping a friend with adoption day and she literally ASKED if we knew anyone who would be willing to bring their dog to this Alzheimer's facility.  David and I have gone ever since.
 
Mostly I'm saying don't feel like YOU have to do it all.  And don't be afraid to call on some of us for prayers, good thots and whatever form you want your vibes in!!

Annie, sending good thoughts your way.  I've seen how hard being a caretaker is for friends and co-workers.  I know the guilt rushes in when you have to make a move such as this, but you are making the change with love in your heart, with your Dad's best interests in mind.  Admitting that he needs more care and/or stimulation than you can do alone is okay - I'm so thankful we live in a time when there are awesome facilities like we have now.  I've seen people who were really failing have a significant improvement when they go to a place where there are other people to interact with, some new activities to watch or take part in, etc.  I hope that's the kind of experience your Dad has in his new environment.
 
And as the others have said, taking care of YOU is important.  You can only do your best for your Dad if you are in the best shape, too, mentally and physically.  I hope this transition is a positive one for your Dad and all your family.  Best wishes.

Oh hon, you've got vibes, prayers and positve thoughts!  What an incredible drain this has been for you.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, too.  I know it must be difficult...

My thoughts and prayers are with you Annie.

Best thoughts, prayers and vibes coming to you.

Annie,
 
We're sending good vibes your way.  Know that you're doing everything you can for your father and it won't be forgotten.  Remember to take care of yourself, too. 

Prayers and good vibes coming your way, Annie.  I really think being a caregiver is the most difficult task there is on the planet.  Remember to take a little time for yourself, too.

Thanks Ladies.  Wow, where to start?  Your good vibes & prayers are so uplifting.  I can feel your strength coming through cyberspace.
I wrote a nice long response to your posts earlier & I got timed out & lost it.  Dang it!  Let me try & do it over.  First if I don#%92t reply to you specifically it#%92s not because what you said isn#%92t worth replying to.
Callie, first of all, I deleted your number.  I don#%92t keep phone numbers or snail mail addresses of Internet people.  It#%92s my kind of weird way of respecting people#%92s privacy.  Would you PM me your number if you#%92d be so kind.
Dad loves dogs.  I take Aspen to visit him every week.  Aspen loves dad as well.  Aspen does really well with older people.  I got the okay to bring him to his new place.  All I need to do is show proof of vaccinations.  That brings up a dilemma that I#%92ll post in another thread.  So taking a dog to see dad is not an issue & it was actually a minor want for his new place.  They had to be animal friendly.
I am the only one who really CAN be the “go to” person.  My brothers live so far away that it#%92s just not practical to get them involved.  I#%92d love nothing more than giving them a day to take on the worries but that#%92s just not going to happen.  We also divided up the “duties” of taking care of dad by our strengths.  Since I#%92m clueless about financial decisions & I#%92m more of the people person, I got the job.  Again, I#%92m not complaining.  I promised mom that I#%92d take care of dad & that#%92s one promise I can#%92t break.  Damn me & my big mouth.  I#%92m so kidding.  )
I know in my heart of hearts that this is the right thing to do for dad.  It#%92s best for him & I might just get fewer of the “your dad is being a butthead” calls from the facility. They should have the resources & the knowledge to take better care of him than I ever could.  They can monitor his meds better than me, have more activities than I can give him & it#%92s just a great place.  The people who work there are wonderful & amazingly caring.  Example: they brought in a crib & baby dolls for one patient who was fixated on babies.  She spends her days tending the dolls & talking nonsense.  I just want to hug her.  She#%92s so sweet.
I need extra special strength vibes on Friday.  That#%92s the actual moving day.
 
Thanks again for your uplifting words & vibes.  [sm=peace.gif]