Good thots & prayers for my Dad? (Callie)

    • Gold Top Dog

    Good thots & prayers for my Dad? (Callie)

    My folks are far away (their choice) -- itty bitty town in western NY State -- my folks are in their late 80's. 

    Dad's had a problem with his cumiden level (blood thinner) & went for a blood draw today.  Mom sort of forced him to tell the nurse/tech that he's been quite unwell this week.  Bless her, she went immediately and got the Dr. and ultimately they put him in the hospital.

    Unsure yet -- he may be bleeding internally -- but his red blood is extremely low and he's getting a transfusion now (about 7 p.m. Friday)  The heart *looked* ok -- but he's also got some severe renal issues (he flirts with end stage renal failure but does not want dialysis)

    My folks are very elderly -- but also very very set in their ways.  Everyone chased all over trying to find my mother this afternoon -- burt carry her cell phone?  WHY!!  "I can't see to use it" (macular degeneration -- she's legally blind).

    Bottom line?  Elderly and they don't always deal with that well.  Mom is frustrated and over-tired -- but will **NOT** under any circumstances let me go home.  It's a very difficult relationship at the best of times --

    God knows them even better than I do -- I just wish I didn't feel so helpless, but me being there would only make things more difficult for both of them.  I trust God to sort it out.  But I so appreciate folks lifting them up.

    • Gold Top Dog

    Prayers for quick diagnosis and speedy recovery. The cumiden stuff is scary, that's for sure!  (((hugs)))

    • Gold Top Dog

    Callie, I will keep your Dad (and your Mom and you, too) in my thoughts.  I hope now that he's in the hospital and under close observation, they will diagnose any serious issues and get him feeling better ASAP.   

    I understand the frustrating situation you described.  DH's mother is in her 80's and has some health issues.  While she lives right down the road, it's still very difficult dealing with her when it comes to medical problems (or most anything else, actually!). 

    Our recent "crisis" was when she fell and injured herself enough that she had to go to an assisted living facility for a few weeks.  It had been no use for DH (or her other kids) to tell her things she should've been doing to prevent the fall in the first place (she ignored all advice).  It got worse when she initially wasn't cooperative during her recovery.  She was a bit more receptive to the medical professionals than to her kids, but not much.  The stubborness thing makes you want to tear your hair out.  The tension and stress it was causing DH was bad.

    My mother lives 3,000 miles away, so I also understand the helpless feeling you described.  Thankfully she's in generally good health and is social and active, with a huge network of friends that look out for her.  Thanks to them, I didn't completely freak out when she had emergency surgery a couple years ago and didn't even find out about it until she was in the recovery room!  She, too, insisted that I not come home then. 

    Sigh.  Dealing with our parents' aging issues is a tough thing, whether you live down the road or across the country.  All we can do is remind ourselves that many people understand what you're going through.  Sending good vibes to Florida and to NY!

    • Gold Top Dog

    ((((Callie))))  Good thots, prayers and lots of "find out what it is and fix it quick" vibes for your dad, and soothing vibes for your mom.

    And, oh yeah, I do get it too.

    • Gold Top Dog

     Good vibes for your parents, Callie. ((hugs))

    • Gold Top Dog

    Healing prayers for all of you from RI.

    I did have a bit of a chuckle at them spending an afternoon trying to track down your mom!

    I wonder if the stubbornness is part of that generation, or part of the age (in which case, we will get there too).  I deal with it daily w/ my Dad.

    • Gold Top Dog

    ((((((((((CALLIE))))))))))  Lots of thoughts, prayers and vibes for your father AND your mother.  I know it's got to be difficult for you to be limited in what you can do.  It's tough in so many ways. 

    I hope they get everything figured out and he's released soon.  Vibes vibes vibes!

    • Gold Top Dog

     Thinking of you Callie and sending good thoughts for speedy recovery for your Dad. I was fortunate that 2 of my brothers and myself were 2 to 3 hours from my folks and, since we were closer, they were very receptive to us helping out and/or visiting them in the hospital. I always felt so bad for my brother in Louisiana, as it was just too hard for him to get up all of those times and my parents wouldn't have wanted him to either. Tough to live far away from family at times like this.

    • Puppy
    My parents live 3000 miles away, and my extended family 10,000+. As many good vibes as I can muster are coming your way. All the best for a speedy recovery. ~Keka
    • Gold Top Dog
    nymaureen

     Thinking of you Callie and sending good thoughts for speedy recovery for your Dad. I was fortunate that 2 of my brothers and myself were 2 to 3 hours from my folks and, since we were closer, they were very receptive to us helping out and/or visiting them in the hospital. I always felt so bad for my brother in Louisiana, as it was just too hard for him to get up all of those times and my parents wouldn't have wanted him to either. Tough to live far away from family at times like this.

    Ih this particular case, I was never welcome to live "close to home" -- my parents are independant beyond belief, mostly a reaction to how *they* were both reared.  My mother freaked out tonight on the phone when I suggested I could come home to help her get to/from, etc.  I have seen this 5'1" woman deck my 6'1 Dad.  (no I'm not kidding) .  I am able to be "closer" to them far away than I could if I were there.  It has nothing to do with difficulty really -- it has to do with the fact she won't accept help from me.  

    I love my parents -- but it's a very different relationship than most folks have.  But it does make it hard when they are ill -- and when they did their estate planning docs a couple of years ago they adamantly REFUSED to have me on their dogs as any sort of health surrogaqte -- so none of the doctors will tell me a thing! *sigh*  But it was the way they wanted it.  (Their attorney TRIED to get them to change their minds especially when he found out that *I* am a legal secretary -- but NOPE).

    • Gold Top Dog

    Mom unearthed her cell phone from the dish on the shelf between the living room and kitchen and charged it and brought it with her to the hospital.  OFF, of course -- she doesn't want anyone **calling** her!!!

    But she had Dad call me   He sounded pretty good.

    They're feeding him intravenously -- as far as he's concerned that is a FAR CRY from acceptable.  (but at least today he's wanting food and that's more like *him* to say that so that in itself was encouraging)

    He is bleeding internally somewhere -- so the process starts with various procedures (endoscopic and also a colonoscopy is planned) to look inside his stomach first, and then the intestines to 'find' the point of bleeding.

    His doctor (the one I actually like) just feels his body isn't absorbing the cumiden properly -- he's always had to take way more of it than is typical and it rocks all over the charts from way too much to way too little. 

    If anyone knows anything about the alternative blood thinning drugs I'd love your input.

    Most of us on this planet typically are a "reaction" of sorts to how we were reared.  My Dad comes from a huge bunch who complain ALL the time.  Most of my Dad's people have been on welfare most of their lives and are pretty proud of what they can do the government out of .... and my Dad is a 180 degree opposite of that. 

    If you're sick you never say so -- you never complain.  You just shut up and DO whatever you have to do and don't ask for help from anyone.  My Mom is absolutely like-minded. 

    So even telling your doctor what's wrong with you -- it's hard for them because that's "enjoying poor health".  ((No -- it's giving your doctor the information to help you!!  You aren't after sympathy!! ))

    He got 3 pints of blood last night which was quite a bit -- *I* am worried.  But they're so busy telling me how "good" he is ... but that's how they cope.

    So I don't know much yet.  But I was glad to hear from him.

    They DID bring him a CPAP machine last night (he has severe sleep apnea) so I'm glad I made that call to the nurses station. 

    Thanks folks for lifting him up.

    • Gold Top Dog

    Callie, there are some fairly recent new drugs on the market. (We went through this with Mom--it was nearly impossible to get her cumadin levels within a good range.) I'll find the info and will email it to you.  I think your folks are like mine--you just don't go to the doctor unless absolutely necessary and even then it's a fight. (No money in the Depression for a doctor, etc.) Continued good thoughts and lots of prayes.

    • Gold Top Dog

    Callie - I missed this thread until just now but wanted to add my prayers and good thoughts for your dad. He's in the best place right now for them to figure out what is going on. Hopefully they will do that quickly and he'll be well enough to go home. (((Hugs)))

    • Gold Top Dog

    My prayers are with you, your doing the best you can in that situation.  God Bless your Mom and Dad.  God will take care of them. 

    • Gold Top Dog

       Sending prayers and good thoughts for your dad. Hopefully they'll find the problem soon and he'll be able to go home. (((Hugs)))