Goodbye, my friend

Tina, I am so sorry for the loss of your dear friend, losing someone close to us is never easy.
Sending comforting prayers your way.

About 6 years ago, my boyfriend died suddenly at work, presumably of a heart attack. He was 51 years old. When someone dies suddenly like that, there is such a sense of unreality, at first. I pray that the good memories will be a comfort to you as you remember your friend.
--Lucy

I've lost a few co-workers in recent years, both sudden deaths (heart attacks) and after long term illnesses.  Even though the loss is different than a loved one, it still affected me strongly.  You spend time co-workers, sometimes more hours than with your family (in the waking hours, anyway), and you don't realize how connected you are to them until their chair is empty at the next office meeting or whatever.  I'm sorry for the loss you and your boyfriend are feeling. 
 
As for the photos of his dogs vs. his wife on his desk -- I'm in that category, too.  Sometimes we really need things to make us smile at work, and I guess for some of us, our pets bring us that kind of relief more than our human family.  I know I'm wacky for saying this, but I hope his dogs are okay without him.  It sounds like they were an important part of his life.  That's one of those times you wish animals could talk so you could explain where their Dad went.  I worry animals think their owners abandoned them when the owner dies.  But maybe they were near him since he died at home, and they'll have some kind of understanding.

Thanks to all of you for your kind words.
 
tacran, I don't think it's bad to worry about the dogs - that was one of my first thoughts!  You can explain stuff to people, but what about the pets?  They understand to a point, but some pine away for their owners.
 
I knew Frank for almost 9 years and he was an understanding friend when my son's dad was dying from cancer.  He always had a kind word for me or just listened.  He always treated me with ultimate respect.

Tina, I'm so sorry to hear about Frank.

Tina, I'm really sorry, I'm here to PM if you need to.  Willow sends some purple kisses for you and your boyfriend. 

I'm feeling for your boyfriend ... he will probably kick himself forever that he wasn't more foreceful -- NOW?  You have tingling in your arm now?  How about if I just drive you to the doctor to be sure -- the emergency room's just down the road?"
 
But we're always afraid with 'friends' to go too far ... to intrude or to suggest something that might offend ... then you have a situation like this where you wish you had.
 
For some of us (the ones of us who have worn more tread off our tires??) when you have one experience like that it changes everything, and sometimes just hearing about someone else's can change you too. 
 
I think that's why, so often on here, many of us will respond really fast with "get to the vet, those are potentially bad symptoms" -- and then we actually worry til we hear that person's dog is 'ok' because it is so darned easy to say "aw, it's probably nothing." and then you're out of time. 
 
Where is the middle ground?  The friend who doesn't push too hard vs. the one who might save a life?  If that line were 'easy' we'd all know where it is.  *sigh*
 
I carry things in my purse for first aid.  I've taken a TON of First Aid Red Cross courses (even ones for pets).  I've taken CPR -- many times, in fact.  But it's because I've always felt that if someone had known CPR, then maybe a family member could have been saved. 
 
Maybe if you work in a largish company you could organize a CPR class or something in his mamory.  It tends to be one of those things we talk about and never do.  But gosh, my heart goes out to you guys -- that's a sad loss. 

We attended Frank's memorial service on Friday and it was tough.  I ended up learning he was only 45.
 
My b/f feels awful.  Frank sorta blew off his (my b/f's) concern, so what do you do?  Hog-tie him and drag him off?  If I knew beforehand, I'd have driven over there and dragged Frank off myself.  Sometimes girls can get away with that sort of thing better than guy friends.
 
Ironically enough, Frank's wife said he never mentioned the pains he had when they started a couple weeks ago.  The night he died, he told her his chest hurt, that he figured it was job-related stress.  She asked if his arm hurt, he said not really.  She told him he really ought to get things checked out by a doctor, to which he replied "oh, it's nothing."  She went to bed and found him in the chair the next morning.
 
Anyway, we can always wonder and say "what if" and "I should have", but in the end Frank was a grown man and made his choice. 
 
And...his last dog went to the Bridge a month ago at the ripe old age of 17.
 
Thank you for all the kind words.
 

That is so very sad and also, so frightening.  I worry about that type of thing with my husband.  Sometimes I wake up and can't hear him breathing and think the worst.  I lost a very good friend at the age of 31 to a heart attack.  My ex-husband and I actually did perform CPR on her but it was too late.  I was devastated and very spooked for a long time.  She had gone into the bathroom and when she was in there too long, her teenage son came and got us.  My ex was an EMT (current hubby is too) and we were both CPR certified.  I always assumed it meant we could/would save lives - but not necessarily.  I spoke to one of the Dr's I worked with afterwards and he said that CPR is a very important tool, but unless you happen to be there when a heart attack happens or only a min. or 2 afterwards, it's probably not going to save a life.  I don't say this at all to downplay the importance.  I think everyone should know CPR, infant CPR, animal CPR...and anything else that might help save a life.

I don't think it's bad to worry about the dogs either.  I did, but it was too late.  My cousin drowned after a canoe accident.  His two Labs swam to shore, and he actually saved someone else's life and was on his way back for the other guy...
At any rate, by the time the funeral took place, and things settled down, I asked my dad if the dogs needed a home.  He told me my uncle had already put both of them to sleep because he couldn't bear to look at them and they were going blind anyway (PRA).  I was in my twenties, but have never forgotten not being able to help my favorite cousin's favorite dogs.  I could and would have taken them if only I had known.
My mom died in her sleep, and was also unwilling to tell anyone about her symptoms.  I found out after her death that she had been having shortness of breath carrying her groceries in from the car.
She was a lifelong smoker and hated doctors...
Please, if you or someone you love has symptoms, go get treatment.  Then someone won't have to miss you as much as I miss her.  Her sister, who never smoked and was married to a doc, will be 90 this year. 
It's always sad to lose someone suddenly - we should all do everything we can to prevent it.