consistency

Popping back into the forum and I saw this and YES!!! DH drives me insane because he simply has no notion of "not setting the dogs up to fail". He likes to take them to the very limits of their self-control and training, and for nothing! Just to prove something to them or to himself. Even though he intellectually understands where I am coming from with the clicker training, he still deep down has not gotten over the "dogs are subservient, I am Master" paradigm.

Our dinner routine is that the dogs down/stay by their bowls, we pick the bowls up, fill them, put the bowls back down and give a release word. But DH loves to periodically torture the dogs over this. He'll leave the bowls on the floor and start filling them, 2 inches away from the dogs' noses, and then start screaming and freaking out at them when they break their stays as kibbles are flying fast and furious a tongue's length away. Now, what is the point of that, honestly? A test of their obedience? Because that's not what it is. It's a completely different situation as far as they're concerned and they have no idea what is expected of them and he doesn't do any training in that moment by removing their bowls until they maintain their stays, he just screams and manhandles them back into their stays. He'll also make them maintain their stays forEVER--for what? Why? What is the point? Just to watch them sitting there drooling so he can feel like he has power over them? It infuriates me (clearly)!

We have a number of routines in the household that the dogs have down pat and I'm happy with the way it is. It keeps them safe and out of the way and helps maintain their self-control. But DH seems to see these routines more as opportunities to demonstrate his power and control over them and he switches them up to "test" them.

And he wonders why they like me more.

Anyway, we also have never once ever let them out of the front door without leashes on and I'm pretty sure that neither of them is even aware that it's possible for an unleashed dog to pass through that door. I think they think there's some kind of force field that would bounce any unleashed dog back into the house should they try to exit. Given that we live in the city and have no front yard, our front door goes straight on to the sidewalk, this is a really wonderful fiction we've convinced them of.

WRT original topic.... Consistency is a wonderful ideal but as so many of us have noted, it's nigh impossible in most household to get everyone to be on the same page.... yet somehow, most dogs (and kids) manage to muddle through without being too screwed up and problematic.  Patience is also key, but we none of us are perfect and how many of us have not lost our temper at some stage?  So, again, an ideal to strive towards, but again our dogs muddle through even though we screw up.... a testament to how forgiving they are.  So, for me, the one word is CALM.  Calm calm calm calm calm.......  If nothing else, strive for calm as much as you can.

DH drives me insane because he simply has no notion of "not setting the dogs up to fail". He likes to take them to the very limits of their self-control and training, and for nothing! Just to prove something to them or to himself.

Oh my gawwwwd...... You have just described my household word perfectly.  I mean spookily word perfectly.  I can so completely identify with that in every way.

Maybe I am being sexist, but I do think this is a "man thing".... men are worse for this trait that women IME.  Like, when teaching "stay", get the dog to sit, say Stay, then "see how long it will stay for" or "wait for it to move so you can show it what you don't want"  Some women are just as bad..... but I've seen these kind of attitudes way more in men. Just an odd passing observation.